to want to punch my best friend's DH

[devilindisguise]

Name changed as don't want to be outed!

My wonderful best friend's DH had an affair last year and she found out and retreated to my house to stay for a couple of nights with her DC whilst she decided what to do. I was diplomatic in my advice to her in that I told her it was her marriage and to do what she felt was right. She decided to make their marriage work and thankfully, they have got over the worst of it.

Since then I have received a bit of a bad vibe from her DH, either because I sent him a text when she arrived in hysterics at our house telling him he was a prize twat or because he doesn't like the fact that I know his private business (no-one else knows bar me).

My friend and I went out for a night out a couple of weeks ago, I haven't been out for 3 years because I have had 2 DC close together, he decides to ruin it by turning up
at 12pm and standing in the bar waiting to give us a lift home. He blatantly didn't speak to me and I was too pissed to care!

This week our DC's had a joint birthday party, he was there and didn't once acknowledge my presence.

It has got to the point where I am not sure what to do as it is starting to take its toll on our lovely friendship but my friend is a little bit timid and I think she is too frightened to say anything to him.

I am not sure whether I should:

(a) grin and bear it;
(b) speak directly to her DH or;
(c) speak to my friend and let her know how deeply it is upsetting me.

I feel like I am paying the price for her confiding in me and he doesn't want to be reminded that I know his personal business. Believe me when I say, it is not because he is embarrassed, he is a cocky bastard.

It does make me wonder whether he is up to his old tricks again as he was okay a couple of months ago. There seems to be a factor in why over the past few weeks he has gone worse. I haven't done anything differently, I don't see him at all and barely see my friend (mainly phone friendship at the moment) for anything to change on my part.

LOL, then if he's worried you will tell all to everyone, perhaps if he weren't being such an arse it'd never cross your mind.

You could always threaten him, if you don't start treating me better, I WILL tell everyone that knows you what a knob you are...

No, I know, that's not nice for your friend. SGB advice (as ever) is good, be nice, it'll piss him off.

I have decided ladies to swallow it and be a cunt nice to his face but sit here and write the most despicable comments that I can think of and then, when the twat reverts back to his real self, dig his grave for him and throw the last handful of soil on the top. OTT I know but a woman scorned...

Good for you lady!

Don't give him the satisfaction

SO glad I consulted the Mumsnet Massive before deciding to ring him today and giving him what for.

Your friend is probably being pressurised by her dh to give you up you know so I wouldn't put her in the middle and make her choose between him and you. He is doing that already.
Be the better friend to her than her husband is eing a husband to her.
One day she will see him for what he is and will only remmember how kind you were and didn't put any pressure about her dh onto her.
I can say that it sounds like a situation I was in and whenever someone critised my dh at the time I was so entrenched in his way of thinking that I got too defensive and it confirmed HIS way of thinking that said friend was no friend at all by critising
Sorry if this doesn't make sense.
Just stay by her and ignore him.

mamas, I entirely agree, yesterday I was ready to front her on his behaviour but I am glad I started this thread as it made me realise that I wasn't being a good friend by doing that.

She can't help him being a prick, he has already damaged her self-esteem in the worst way a man can do so, from now on, I won't mention him at all and just get on with our friendship. That will take a lot of back bone from me to do as it is totally against my nature to ignore someone treating me in such a way BUT I will end up the more mature person out of this and he will look a right knob.

So from now on, ignore him, I think that will piss him off even more.

That's a gret strategy re: your friend but instead of ignoring him can you challenge him??
Perhaps if he gets challenged directly everytime he is 'rude' to you, they both could see that it is not the norm.

But then you might be getting his back up more in which case he will mount a campaign to get her to drop you if only to stop the constant verbal abuse at home.

Only you know how to go with him.
Well done for sticking in there, you are showing her hope.

I have rang her today mamas but she had people there so will probably speak to her tomorrow.

After giving it more thought, I may mention to her that I was upset last week and see if she knows why he is continually ignoring me. I won't "confront" her with it, just drop it into the conversation. I think by ignoring it it will eventually make it worse as there is only so much "ignoring" him I can do, there will be a breaking point iyswim?

If she chooses to not stand up to him whatsoever then unfortunately, she isn't as good a friend as I thought she was. There is no way I would let my DH treat my friends in a similar manner. Not if it wasn't justified and even if it was justified I would be asking him to speak to her to let her know the problem, I wouldn't allow him to cause an atmosphere.