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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be puzzled at my db statement about his dcs?

11 replies

MavisEnderby · 28/10/2009 22:15

I have 3 nephews,1 6 and 2 twins of 3.I have just spent a few days with my dps and we have taken his dcs out and about.

Now it is probably none of my business and I expect to be flamed,but db is ALWAYS,within earshot of his dcs,going on about how badly behaved they are and so on,but they have all behaved brilliantly to my mind.The little ones sat and waited patiently for their dinners,played happpily,no squabbling,absolutely lovely children.!!

But the way he talks,you would think they are out of control monsters!

I am just very puzzled!

OP posts:

choosyfloosy · 28/10/2009 22:19

Very easy to get into this habit.

i wouldn't say you need to have it out with him, but a phone call to him saying how exceptionally well his children behave and how proud he must be, wouldn't go amiss IMO.

saintmaybe · 28/10/2009 22:20

Ask him for examples?

Ime some people like to make a big deal of how difficult their kids are because it makes their role in looking after them more 'important' iyswim

Sad, because it makes it hard to enjoy them

shockers · 28/10/2009 22:25

I agree with choosy... it's lovely when someone comments on your children's good behaviour. It might make him think...!

chegirlknowswhereyoulive · 28/10/2009 22:59

I know several people like this. I think its a habit. I think it can also be a way of fending off criticism IYSWIM. Like if they mention it first no one else can.

I have a friend who is constantly on at her DD. She is always telling her to stop doing things or she will do so and so. The child ignores her totally. I think she has got used to a constant stream of meaningless nagging and equally meaningless threats.

She dotes on her DD though, adores her.

Wierd.

My mum couldnt bear anyone saying anything nice about me. If anyone said 'oh isnt she sweet' she would say 'she is a funny looking thing isnt she' if they said 'she is being good' she would say 'she is a bloody monster usually' , 'doesnt she look nice?' 'oh God she is a nightmare, she never washes, we have to force her ha ha' etc etc.

I remember it clearly (angst ridden emoticon) and I believed it all. I really do not think for a minute she meant it, it was like automatic reaction.

To my total shame I used to catch myself at it when my two big ones were little . I stopped it as soon as I realised. Now I say outrageously complimentary things about my DCs (not so much with the teenager just at the moment but thats another thread). My mates are getting used to me declaring 'OMG I just realised my DS is the MOST beautiful child in the WORLD!'

reservejudgement · 28/10/2009 23:10

chegirl, my Mum used to do that to me too and when I finally pulled her up on it, she said she didn't want to sound like the sort of parent who was always going on about how brilliant their kids were. Keep doing what you're doing, it's waaaay better!

StrawberriesandCherries · 28/10/2009 23:14

Yanbu of course. It would be great for the boys to hear you say in front of their dad how well they have behaved, what they did that was so good etc.

He is on a course to having a self fulfilling prophecy when they are older if he doesn't shut up!

Original poster

MavisEnderby · 28/10/2009 23:20

Strawberries et al,you have hit the nail on the head.I do chastise the dcs for being naughty,but for me the fact he keeps banging on about how bad they are (which they aren't) really peturbs me.If you say something often enough......Mine are by no means angels and of cousre I tell them off for naughtiness but it seems ott in his case as theyhave all behaved impeccably,almost disturbingly so...not a murmur,they were angelic!

OP posts:

chegirlknowswhereyoulive · 28/10/2009 23:22

reserve I remember getting v.upset on a family holiday when I was about 9. She had been going on and on an on. There were quite a few other family members and friends with us and I think this set her off.

She was totally shocked at my distress and said 'but I dont mean it!'.

Like that makes much of a difference when you are 9

I dont know why she did it. I suspect I was just a sort of stooge because she liked to be thought of as witty.

at your mum's logic too. So much better to be thought of as one of those parents who are always going on about how crap their kids are hey?

edam · 28/10/2009 23:24

Oh, do call him and tell him how lovely and well-behaved his kids are!

ginnny · 28/10/2009 23:29

My dc can be little horrors at home with me but are perfect model children when out with my Mum (or with anyone who isn't me for that matter !)
Maybe you just saw them on their best behaviour, which is a good thing - I always say I'd rather mine played up at home and behaved well outside the house.
People often comment to me on how good my boys are - I often think "if only you knew what they are like at home "

Original poster

MavisEnderby · 28/10/2009 23:30

I will,Edam

My db has had a lot of ishoos(lol) shall we say in his past,it is almost like he is trying too hard to rectify things with the family.

The kids ar little sweethearts,they really are.

I will phone him tommorow.

We live apart,andI don't see him that often.

My db has been a bit of a bugger in the past and I an wondering if all this stuff is a bit of himtrying to justify himself for past stuff.

Oh but thery are little gems and a credit to him.

I will ring him!

OP posts:

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