*PIL*s and DC4 first birthday......me or DH, you decide.

[posieparksherbroom]

So DC4 is 1 next week. We have had a turbulent year in which we have been living day to day and managing debts by the skin of our teeth, have moved the DCs school and seen the household income slip to 25% of what it used to be. As a consequence Dh has barely taken any of his holiday and has 10 days left, most of which he will not take. DC1 & 2 (7 & 6) have inset days on Monday and Tuesday of next week and DC4 is one on Tuesday. Dh is having those days off. I have been planning a lovely couple of days outdoors and DC4s birthday tea for my dcs and cousins (only two of them) but one is at school that day and so leaves us free until 3.45pm.

Dh has, without asking, invited his DPs for the day. I loathe them with a passion, they are very unlike me and very very loud.

It will completely ruin my day but the older dcs will love it and PILs will frighten dc4 because they are very much in his face. FIL also likes to repeatedly do 'spitty' kisses on the dcs mouths which makes me want to throw up.

So AIBU because I'd rather they didn't come or is DH being unreasonable for ruining my our plans and inviting them?
They live too far for a fleeting visit.

How far away do the PIL live then? - I didn't notice the bit about 'too far for a fleeting visit' so maybe it is not great after all to say 'after 3.45 only' if they're driving for hours. But driving for an hour or so for the afternoon is fine, so if so I'll stick by my previous post!

Can you put a stop to the "spitty kisses on the mouth" by telling FIL that there's swine flu/a nasty D&V bug/shingles going around the DC's school.

YABU - it isn't your day - it is your DC's and their grandparents won't be around forever.

Nananina My PILs were awful from the start and disregarded my feelings about pretty much everything, they never bothered to consider that the home DH and I shared was actually mine too. They would turn up with their animals, stay even when my DH was at work, accused me of lying, argued with me about issues that were my Dh's not mine and always when he wasn't around, FIL and MIL used language like tits, pussy, cunt, twat, not many of those to the pound, cherries, eyeful and any other innuendo from Carry on... and this was in a few of our first few meetings. In the few instances I have asked for their help with childcare (my first two were fourteen months apart and I had c-sections, my mother was in quarantine due to SARS)and I asked MIL to come down she refused because FIL would be jealous. Other occasions I have asked her to have a word with DH about to much drinking and not taking responsibility for his family, she didn't bother. When she has heard DH speak to me like shit, she's said nothing but if I retaliate she says 'now then you two, it's not nice to argue.'
They stopped talking to us for at least a year twice for minor things where they didn't get their own way and once because I asked FIL not to walk across our newly varnished floor, which he did leaving footprints all across it which I then had to sand and redo.
Oh and they used to talk about the lovely ex girlfriend loads!
So I would have liked to have got on with my PILs, not that they would ever be my parents as we don't have the same values and that is why many DILs would not feel as comfortable with their PILs, but they could have been a much nicer part of the family.

As a mother of three boys I accept that I will have to do much better than my PILs if I want to be importnat in my GCs lives. Therefore I will not be making such fundamental mistakes as my PILs.