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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect DH to sort out his own family's presents?

36 replies

BirthdayCard · 27/10/2009 08:55

This is really getting my goat at the moment. A few weeks ago DH says to me "have you talked to SIL about BILs birthday yet?"

"Er no, actually he's your brother not mine..." He got all huffy with me and accused me of being moody.

A few days later I sent him a text to remind him to get a card and pressie for his DB which he apparently did. Then on the day itself got a sniffy text from SIL asking if I had remembered BIL birthday !!!!

"NO HE'S NOT MY BLOODY BROTHER! ASK DH!!!!" (Well I didn't send the text but that was what I was thinking.)

Now it's MILs birthday next Monday and he has done nothing to organise a present. He just seems to expect me to do it. He says he hasn't got time (and he has got a busy job and works long hours) but he went to the West End to buy DVDs last week after work and spends all weekend on his computer, goes to the football etc. so makes time for things he really wants to do.

It's the same with all the Christmas shopping too. He does nothing.

So now I have to go off round the shops and find something for the old trout dear or risk more snotty comments from his family that I have forgotten.

AIBU to buy her a present and not put his name on it?

OP posts:

Original poster

BirthdayCard · 27/10/2009 15:05

sticktoyourguns yes I do receive presents from my MIL, SIL etc. and your argument would stand up if DH did not receive presents from my family.

As said before- he has never shopped for or offered to get any presents for my family and I wouldn't expect him to.

So why should I get it in the neck when his family's birthdays are forgotten?

OP posts:

CherryPopTart · 27/10/2009 15:58

im just weird, i enjoy buying presents so much i'd happily take over which dp doesnt let me do as he doesnt tend to get anything but a card for his family but the kids
ahwell

busybutterfly · 27/10/2009 17:38

Been married 10yrs and I do all the shopping for presents, his family and mine. Means I can keep the cost down otherwise DH does the lot on Christmas Eve and spends a fortune!

Danthe4th · 27/10/2009 17:43

Just get him to shop on Amazon then the stuff can be delivered with a message, job done.

elvislives · 27/10/2009 18:09

I always remember dates so I made a point right at the beginning of not asking when the ILs birthdays were (except the children). I know MIL's is July but no idea what date. DH knows I don't know it and I usually say to him in July "it must be your mum's birthday soon" then leave it to him.

What I hate is father's day. I lost my father 13 years ago, and my grandfather 8 years ago and it really really bugs me to be trailing round the shops looking for presents for his dad and him (because the DSs have "forgotten") when I have no reason to celebrate the day myself.

Katisha · 27/10/2009 18:14

The trouble with DH is that he and his mother see present giving as some sort of business transaction and they would both be happy if someone would just buy their own present and then they would reimburse.

I dislike that but can't get any change in this attitude. And if fact MIL always expects me to choose and buy and if at all possible wrap up the DSs presents from her as well. It's not that she's lazy - she just seems terrified of getting it wrong, or wasting money or something.

allaboutme · 27/10/2009 19:34

I buy all the cards and presents in DH's family and make a note of key dates in my diary so I dont forget.
DH is terribly forgetful and WOULD forget them all.
I have been part of their family for 11 years now. I love them like family and know that they always put a lot of thought into the nice gifts they get for me and the DCs.
Plus MIL especially is lovely and always there for me if I need her.
I'd HATE for her to feel forgotten on her birthday, why would I not buy her a present out of stubborness because its 'DHs family so DH's job to buy'.

elvislives · 31/10/2009 09:43

Allaboutme perhaps that's the difference then. My "gifts" from MIL are a £10 note with a box of sweets DD gets a present I've bought, wrapped up and given MIL to give to her, or else she gets handed it in a Sainsbury's carrier bag (and she is 2)

pointyhat · 31/10/2009 09:44

He does nothing, the boy does nothing.

CarGirl · 31/10/2009 09:51

We've had this issue in the past so I stopped doing it and when I got the text/comment I told them that I do my friends & family and he does his.

They're a matriachal family so neither of us get included in some things but expect us to do all the stuff they want us to do like buy presents etc whether or not we're included in the celebrations!

FlappyTheBat · 31/10/2009 10:05

I do the same as dh does for my family - nothing!

Makes it easy, I do things for my family so I expect him to do they same for his.

I don't have any real contact with his family and prefer it that way tbh.

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