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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get angry at boy for bullying my son at after school club?

9 replies

susia · 26/10/2009 21:07

Hi,
I'd really like some advice. My son who is 6 started a new school this term and also started at the after school club 3 evenings a week.

I had reservations about it when he started but couldn't find a childminder in time (as he only got offered the school place at end of summer holidays). It seemed quite shambolic and I was concerned.

After his 3rd day there my son told me that 3 older children in year 6 had thrown things at him and called him a crybaby. I complained to the school who assured me it wouldn't happen again (the after school club is separate to school though).

After that I arranged for my mum to pick him up 1 day per week and I managed to pick him up several other times.

A couple of weeks later though I went to pick him up and he was in tears and said that 2 older boys (the same ones) who are around 10 had hit him and told him that they were going to do it when they arrived at the club. I was very upset and went back to the club and spoke to the organiser and also confronted the older boys. I wasn't awful to them but was angry, one of them started crying.

The after school club organiser got annoyed with me for upsetting the older boy and I acknowledged that I should have just spoken to them and I left.

Thankfully, the following day I found a lovely childminder for my son.

The after school club have now written to me saying that they regret my son is not happy there (no mention of the bullying) and that they will keep an eye on him for a 'few weeks' (despite me telling them twice that I have found alternative childcare. They also reiterated that I should not have spoken to the older child. They have also charged me for a full 12 sessions - most of which my son didn't attend (as after the 1st incident I tried my best that he went there as little as possible.

I know that I was wrong to get annoyed with the older boy but isn't this fairly understandable when the child (along with others) was around 4 years older and had hit my son?

Also, should I pay for the full 12 sessions and how should I respond to the letter which is written as though my son still attends?

OP posts:

Original poster

susia · 26/10/2009 21:09

I'd be really grateful for some advice. On the whole I just feel thankful though that he no longer attends it.

OP posts:

traceybath · 26/10/2009 21:11

Did you give written notice that he will no longer be attending?

To be honest I'd pay what was originally agreed and just be glad you've found an alternative.

And make sure in future you don't confront other children but speak to teachers etc.

Hope your son is much happier with the childminer.

oldraver · 26/10/2009 21:15

I would point out to them that despite speaking to them and being re-assured thst it wouldnt happen again they failed to protect your son, so you felt you had no option to speak to the boys. It depends whether you want to forget it or get stroppy pro-. They dont seem to be taking any responsibility for what happened at all

mumeeee · 26/10/2009 21:16

YANBU to be cross with the plder boy,but YABU to have confronted him yourself. You should have spoken to the afterschool club staff and left them to deal with it. You will probably have to pay for the 12 sesions even if your son didn't go to all of them, This is becuase you had booked a place for your son so they wouldn't have been able to offer it to another child.

Original poster

susia · 26/10/2009 21:19

thank you. I think I will just pay the full amount - although at the time they knew week by week that he wouldn't be going for every session.

I know I shouldn't have confronted the child but after the 1st incident my son had been dreading going and I had reassured him that it wouldn't happen again. So I was really upset that it did. I can't understand a group of 10 year olds who would pick on a 6 year old.

I am also concerned by their letter saying they would look out for my son but not any of the other (some 2 years younger) children.

OP posts:

Original poster

susia · 26/10/2009 21:23

mumeee I feel like writing a stroppy letter but just feel thankful it is over. I was so stressed that he was there and I couldn't find an alternative.

I find it bizarre that they are writing as though he is still attending despite it happening 3 weeks ago.

I don't know how to respond to the letter though.

OP posts:

TheFallenMadonna · 26/10/2009 21:30

Have you given them the required notice in writing? We have to give a month;s notice.

Original poster

susia · 26/10/2009 21:34

No I didn't give them notice but there was no contract or anything about notice.

OP posts:

tellnoone · 26/10/2009 21:50

If there was no contract then you don't have to pay surely? And I would write back and complain, as someone else said they FAILED to prevent further bullying after you told them about the first occasion, and be clear that is not just that your son was 'not happy' but that the continued bullying made it untenable (sp?) for you to continue to PAY for him to be there, and reiterate that you made it clear when speaking to xxxx (whichever member of staff it was you spoke to) that you would not be sending your child there again with immediate effect, and that as there is no contract and no policy information given (be sure that they didn't give you any info about their policies) that you will not be paying the full amount and did not expect to have to give any notice etc etc.

Sorry, I feel your pain, so annoying to place your child into someone's care and feel it's the wrong person/group/nursery etc. But I am a complainer so I would complain.

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