to not want an audience when I park my car? Or is it okay to call your neighbours wankers in a loud voice?

[womma]

I'm getting really sick of this...I live in a small block of flats and the upstairs have a long balcony where people stand and gawp at the street (usually when the ads are on during Jeremy Kyle I reckon).

I'm a fairly new driver and not that confident parking and most of the parking spaces are a bit tricky, so it can take me a few minutes and several maneouvres to park my car, but there is always some twunt out there having a good gawp and even laughing at me trying to park my bloody Honda.

It's making me really angry. So far I've managed not to say anything, a superhuman effort on my part I have to say. After all these people are my neighbours and I have to see them every day, and to be honest some of them are a bit in the 'hard bastards' league too, but god I'd love to say something withering and super clever to them! Well, cleverer than 'Fuck off you nosy bastard and get a life' anyway. Any suggestions?

try saying in a very straight voice

"it's really hard to park when I'm pissed"

since you're clearly not pissed it will confuzzle them.

are you parking on the street? If so , park further down and walk a bit?

Ask them to come down and park it for you.

I would practice parking a bit at leisure without an audience, somewhere like an empty supermarket parking lot at the weekend. I know how you feel. I used to get this in Morocco and I tell you half the dc inthe street and some good-natured old men were there having a right old laugh. I think you have to have loud music on, and when you get out, laugh with them and give them a cheery wave.

I still can't park tbh

Rather than getting annoyed at the neighbours who may only be watching for the welfare of their own cars, go and practice parking somewhere else.

I once got a round of applause from some builders who watched me park. I was a new driver, it was quite a small car and quite a big space. I just started out wrong so it was hard to "fix" after that. It was pretty funny. Now I can park a monster 4wd in a tiny space, just takes practice.

I gave them a bow when I got out.

Just ignore them if it upsets you, keep practising and take your time.