Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To want to find out the sex of our baby????

39 replies

ray81 · 25/10/2009 15:51

Ok me and DH are having a difference of opinion here.

I want to know and he doesn't. He seems to think he has the final say but why should he?
dont get me wrong we are not having major arguments but i can see it going that way.

The reasons i want to find out are:

1 we can plan for this baby, have the nursery ready with the right colour, clothes etc.
2 It takes my DH months to finish anything in the house, he started our bathroom 3 yrs ago and its still not finished, kitchen 2 yrs ago etc. I dont want the stress of having to push him to do the nursery when the baby is here.
3 when i have DD i was in labour for a VERY long time 32 hrs with 2 nights of no sleep and quite honestly was in shock when she was born so didnt realy enjoy the fact she was a girl. If that makes sense.

The reason he doesnt want to find out is:

1 He wants a surprise.

I have said he doesnt have to know but i still want to and i wont tell him which i wont, i know many couples who have done this. That i would decorate the nursery he just wouldnt be able to go in there for obvious reasons. I think this is a compromise but he will not agree. AIBU

OP posts:

lovechoc · 26/10/2009 19:53

ugh girls...boys are so much more fun!

CoteDAzur · 26/10/2009 19:55

YANBU. I don't understand this obsession with "surprise" at all. It's the same surprise whether you hear the sex of baby when pregnant or after birth.

scottishmummy · 26/10/2009 20:02

so if it is all same why rush to know?

blametheparents · 26/10/2009 20:05

Sorry, but I think you are being a bit unreasonable (tho you are pregnant so it is allowed)
I think this is a decision where either partner has the power of veto / ability to say no.

hormonalmum · 26/10/2009 20:15

Ray, I think you are both U and NU! The idea about having the right colour nursery is a little lame IMO.
Could you not do a "neutral" room and accesorise?

However, someone has mentioned the bonding and perhaps it might help you given your original point 3.

woozlet · 26/10/2009 20:20

YANBU, I thought I was carrying a girl, as it turned out my intuition was crap and we had ds in there, we found at at 27 weeks. I was so glad that we found out as it helped me to bond with him, and get my head around the fact that I wasn't carrying a girl, I don't think it would have been as good for me to find out at birth. Plus I like to be organised and didn't want all neutral stuff.

PurplePoppy · 26/10/2009 20:21

CarmenSanDiego I have totally experienced that smuggery about not wanting to know with 2 different cousins recently. It really took me by surprise! What IS going on there?

OP yanbu to want to know the sex, but I think it is a descision you both need to make together. I think it would be very stressful to try to keep it a secret from your DP. How do you normally make descisions when you completely disagree?

Fibilou · 26/10/2009 20:22

Someone at work (cheeky biatch) moaned at me when I said we were finding out the sex and it should be a surprise. I said it was going to be enough of a surprise to the system having a newborn and not knowing what it was was an additional surprise I don't need.

Fibilou · 26/10/2009 20:29

"I don't think it's healthy for you to know and him not to. It's creating a wedge between you every time you talk about the future and will mean you can't share your preparations. I can't imagine him having NOTHING to do with the nursery. That sounds unfair"

I totally agree with this. There is no way in the whole wide world, even if someone offered you a billion pounds to keep it from him, that you won't let it slip with a "ooh s/he's kicking" etc.
And doing the nursery is a joint, terrifically exciting project. There's no way in the world my husband would have stood for not being involved in that.
If my husband had decided he didn't want to know I think I would have respected that and gone along with it. I know it's your body but it's still his baby too.
We had a row about him being at the birth (I didn't want him there originally) but he said that he couldn't imagine not being there for the birth of his baby and there is no way I could bring myself to be responsible for breaking his little vision of holding his baby straight away.
And as someone else said, save the "my vagina, my decision" choice for the big stuff !

wideratthehips · 26/10/2009 20:32

we have found out with all three of ours and found it reassuring to know the sex....i don't know why, just a mental thing.

i would say don't make your nursery too gender specific.....all the accessories with add the colour accents that say if its a boy/girls room.

we have always had our nurseries a calico/pale apple green colour so that its very calming

titfertat · 26/10/2009 20:32

DH really wanted it to be a surprise. In response to those saying things like "It's the same surprise whether you hear the sex of baby when pregnant or after birth", his reasoning was this:

It's like when you were a kid, if your parents told you in September that you would be getting a bike for Christmas, it wouldn't be a proper surprise like it would if you came down and found it on Christmas morning!

FleeBee · 26/10/2009 20:37

As much as you don't want to give it away, I'm sure that it would happen. Two of my friends have found out the sex but didn't want to tell anyone else, BUT they let slip things in general conversation that gave it away both times.

Could your nursery not be plain for now and wait to decorate until you know you DC personality? My friend had a really girly girl room and her DD is a real tomboy so they ended up redecorating anyways and wished they'd waited and saved the hassle of having to redo it all. (plus expense)

I couldn't keep a secret about our baby but go for it if you think you can??

LilyBolero · 26/10/2009 20:38

We're going to find out with this pg, because it will definitely be our last, and we don't want to think of a name that we won't use, as that might feel like 'the child that never was'. Also, dd is desperate for a sister, and if it's a boy, we will need to break it to her...

lovechoc · 27/10/2009 16:57

plain white is cheap and can go for either gender really. but at the same time your baby isn't really going to care what colour of room they have. they don't even know...

Flip

1 2