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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this a bit childish and she needs to move on...

51 replies

MonsterUnderTheBed · 22/10/2009 13:06

It was DP's birthday at the weekend. He was 24. We had a small party with his parents and siblings. His sis hasn't brought his present to party, and wants us to come round on Tuesday Night to get it.

We get to her flat on Tuesday, she is having a bbq for her mates and invites us to stay for some food. (we don't get on with any of her mates, so we were sitting on our own - they don't talk to us - we are obviously not popular enough) It's a lot like being in high school.

Anyway she comes out with DP's present, makes a big song and dance about it took her ages to think of something etc etc. He unwraps the present to find a t-shirt with the slogan
'practice safe sex, always use a condiment' It also has a picture of a hot dog and tomato ketchup. DP looked like this

Then she picks it up and shows it to her mates, explaining (even though they all already know) that we have a DS, who was conceived when our condom broke 4 years ago... I was like this

I know it is only a t-shirt and that I shouldn't get so worked up about it, but after leaving the bbq to avoid speaking mu mind to her, DP said that she is just being immature and to just ignore it.

But it feels to me like, because of the t-shirt and what it implies, like our DS is a joke that she can laugh about with her friends. I also am thinking that the bbq was a set up so her mates would be there to see the amazing gift. I just feel so angry.

We have never had the best relationship, after DP had dumped one of her friends and then started seeing me, despite her trying to set the two of them up again. She was not happy that we had a baby before her, even though she is a couple of years younger. She also does not approve of the fact that we had DS(he is now four) and are only now deciding to tie the knot. Whereas she waited til she was married to have a baby, therefore doing it the right way.

I realise I'm probably overreacting, but it has been bugging me for two days now.

So AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
MonsterUnderTheBed · 22/10/2009 13:39

My apologies brokken - I am in no way saying that only young things would act like this.

OP posts:
diddl · 22/10/2009 13:39

Well, if it was that funny & not done to humiliate, it could have been done at the family birthday, couldn´t it?

paisleyleaf · 22/10/2009 13:42

"Well, if it was that funny & not done to humiliate, it could have been done at the family birthday, couldn´t it?"
good point

BrokkenHarted · 22/10/2009 13:44

Monster - apology accepted

Dont let her bother you OP. (i know it will though but tell yourself it doesn't) As long as your DH is on your side in-laws shouldnt bother you too much.

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/10/2009 13:48

YANBU. It does all sound a bit playground, doesn't it? Class bully picks on favourite target with arranged audience plays practical joke, sycophants/henchmen laugh on cue to appease. She's a cow, and beneath you. Well done your DP for the text!

ParisFrog · 22/10/2009 13:49

She sounds jealous to me. Also a little insecure. Whatever the reason for the bbq, to put you both down in front of her friends screams insecure.

Am nosy - how did she reply to the text?

Gracie123 · 22/10/2009 13:53

Outrageous. I am fuming!

We pretend to in-laws that DS was an accident (we were trying for months, but MiL thought we were too young and DH didn't want to argue with her).

I would be so angry if SiL started racking out these kind of jokes. TBH I'm pretty annoyed that we pretend DS was an accident, but that's a whole nother story...

thesecondcoming · 22/10/2009 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gracie123 · 22/10/2009 14:05

secondcoming - people often ask 'how?' when you tell them you are pregnant. 'It should be bloody obvious' is the answer you wish you'd given, but in your hormone filled, often emotional state you sometimes gush (at least that was the experience of me and my cousin)

BarbaraBlacksheep · 22/10/2009 14:10

Sorry but no way, no how, would I tell people the condom split.

Original poster
MonsterUnderTheBed · 22/10/2009 14:11

She hasn't replied to text. DP has put t-shirt in the bin outside (binmen will be round tomorrow to collect) He thinks that she may ask for the T-shirt back. Ha

Diddl thanks for your understanding posts - you make good points.

Mazzy - I believe that she gave the present to humiliate my DP, and to give her friends some entertainment. I do not believe I am being wildly oversensitive - I do think that the t-shirt given to DP, and the parading it around her friends along with our story of how he came to be - says something about how she thinks of our son.

I do think it was insensitive, in giving it to my DP, she is implying that if we had used proper contraceptive then we would not have a DS, somehow saying that we made a mistake in having him.

I've gotten a bit muddled, but I am supposed to be moving on. So...

OP posts:
Original poster
MonsterUnderTheBed · 22/10/2009 14:14

thesecondcoming - DP had told her in confidence (they used to be quite close) but the next day everyone in the village we live in knew about it. DP's mum actually knew before we had the chance to tell her.

That is why DP is no longer close to her.

If I had known that she would pull a stunt like that, we would not have stuck around.

OP posts:
Stigaloid · 22/10/2009 14:22

Wow! What a cow. I'd have said 'my my, all that time to think of something and all you could come up with was this? Don't think MENSA will ever come knocking on your door!'.

Congrats on your wedding BTW - hope you have a special day. If she is part of the wedding party make her wear a horrid dress!

Gracie123 · 22/10/2009 14:26

Oooooh! stigaloid I like your way of thinking! Horrid dress is definitely a good revenge option...

Original poster
MonsterUnderTheBed · 22/10/2009 14:30

Our wedding is going to be a surprise - so no involvement from her, just as well.

If I had it my way, I would not invite her, but obviously that is not nice.

When it comes to time for the wedding, I could just not tell her to dress up at all, she would turn up in her jeans and look great in the photos

OP posts:
Gracie123 · 22/10/2009 14:52

I have to say, I'm mildly disappointed that there will be no hideous dress... Oh well.

Original poster
MonsterUnderTheBed · 22/10/2009 15:16

I will just have to exact my revenge some other way - am open to suggestions

OP posts:
Avendesora · 22/10/2009 16:42

Every year get her a size 24 t-shirt in puce, with a smile and a comment along the lines of 'I know you love t-shirts' with witty slogans like STD Magnet, Mensa Reject, Lonely Single Female, and as she gets older you can add other suitable slogans; slapper, old bint, dried up hag, old maid etc. Of course it will ruin the plan if she has children but until then you can have fun

AntdamnUallToHell · 22/10/2009 18:35

I like how you think Avendesora. Unfortunately she is married with a child now, so would have to rethink a few of the slogans.

AntdamnUallToHell · 22/10/2009 18:37

oops should have put in OP says she is married with a child now.

I do, personally, like the idea of a size 24 puce t-shirt though.

Twintummy · 22/10/2009 18:40

What a bitch.

posieparker · 22/10/2009 18:43

I don't think it is a comment about your ds at all, it says an awful lot about her and I wouldn't waste another second on it.

Avendesora · 22/10/2009 20:57

Posie is of course right however, should you err in the future towards horrible t-shirts no one would blame you!

Avendesora · 22/10/2009 21:09

*as gifts of course, not to wear yourself!

dittany · 22/10/2009 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.