to take MIL's 'advice/opinions' badly and be angry with DH for lack of support?

[beanpip]

Sorry - another MIL one! Please help me!

She used to stay deadly quiet when I was doing or saying something about the kids that she didn't like - making it known in her own silent way that she didn't like it. I'd much prefer that to how she's gone now!

She's recently retired (eek) and decided she's going to tell me a lot of things I'm doing wrong starting with "Jimmy & I have been talking a lot about this and..."

a) for a nutritionist you feed your children terrible food
b) your special needs son needs to be properly assessed/needs speech therapy/physiotherapy

etc

and the other day it was "your youngest needs some one on one time so we'd like to take him on Friday for the day" - even though I'd told her we were really busy all week!!

I told her nicely that she was upsetting me by saying these things and she was really shocked and has since ignored me. DH is less than useless and it makes me hate him! I've never felt so alone in my life - my family are thousands of miles away and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle!

I just want to scream to everyone - THEY ARE MY KIDS JUST FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!

AIBU???

"2.Unless your a feckless git, if you have a child with SN you know what you should be doing/getting done as far as it is possible within the maze of the NHS/education system"

Sharpyharpy, I've not seen you around on the sn boards, but if you know how hard it is to parent a child with sn, you will also know that there are periods of despair, hopelessness and inertia on the part of parents.
The majority of us pick ourselves up and keep going, but some need more support, or a shove in the right direction.
MIL sounds like she needs some boundaries, and other interests. As for what you feed your children, she's likely a couple of decades out of date. She was shocked when you said you were upset, do you think she was surprised or was she intending to be mean and upset you?

How glad am I that my MIL lived in another country and I never had to deal with any of this sort of thing!

I'd totally ignore the food thing. But knowing how hard it can be to have a child with SN, could you use her need to be busy and send her into battle with various agencies to get any support that might be needed ?

I think maybe she genuinely thought she was being helpful by saying she would have your youngest for the day but needs to learn to offer in a way that isn't critical.

She does sound like she could do with joining something so I'd cut various things out of the paper and get your DH to give them to her.

My mum retired last year.... HUGE issues at the time and in the run up - Literally HELL for anyone near...

Mum thankfully was also concerned about how her DH would run her ragged, as soon as she wasn't workin, so she got herself some classes etc FAST.

I'm sure it's the retirement thing, you said it was OK before? It can be again. Get some literature.. ASK her how she's adapting to retirement, she's feeling lost and useless... so she's taking you on as her project...