OK - I am an only child and my father was always on a pedestal to me as a child/teen even though he has always had NOTHING but criticism for me.
This would be in forms of always telling me I was fat (I was a size 12 and 5'8 ffs) and needed to lose weight, that academically I was not/am not as good as my cousins and so on. He is also very dictatorial and it is his way or no way. He is right, you are wrong. Always.
I used to let it all go and seethe alone after, but would never hear a bad word against him. Friends and DP's could not understand my attitude to his controlling nature either.
When DS was born dad did not visit for 10 days and then refused to really spend time with him until DS could "respond to him" i.e. at least 12mths old. He has tried telling me how to parent rather than offer advice, and his ways are quite worrying. He was never around to parent me other than for few hours one night a week after school, and even then we went to my uncle's where they would sit and chat leaving me to play with my cousins.
Recently we fell out rather hugely. He has told me my whole life that if I didn't do this/that/the other then he would disown me and I would not have a father (for stupid menial things too, such as dating a black man and not ending it at dad's order).
I could handle that, BUT he started telling the same thing to DS! He was telling a 4yr old that he would not have a grandfather anymore if DS didn't give him the kisses and cuddles he wanted! I explained that DS was not as tactile as he was when a baby and that I am the only one he still kisses and cuddles every 5 mins, but this was not acceptable. He could not even accept a kiss/cuddle on arrival and departure, which I got DS to agree to and DS was getting very distressed by it all.
Things came to a head when my father could not understand a concept on the computer. I explained very patiently but when he could still not understand he flew off the handle saying that I could not teach and it was all my fault and he had had enough and was disowning me!!!!! He told me that I do not have a father anymore and not to contact him.
That was 5 weeks ago.
The past week, he has called me a few times to tell me I have some post at his address and is trying to act all normal as if nothing happened, even telling me that he will have DS overnight on such-and-such date!. He has done this before and I have always gone along with it as it only really affected me, but this time it is DS, who is a perceptive and sensitive child at the best of times without dad messing him up with threats of disownment for trivial things.
So, AIBU to not want to 'brush it all under the carpet' yet again???