To keep DD in her highchair even though she is old enough to go into a booster seat?

[TheBossofMe]

DD aged 19 months is a wonderful child in most respects. Except when it comes to mealtimes. Getting her to stay seated is a nightmare - if she isn't strapped in with a 5 point harness (ie over the shoulders as well as round the waist) she spends the meal trying to climb out, stands up on the seat, generally behaves like a total madam.

She's now old enough to go into a booster seat (as most of her friends are beginning to do), but I want to keep her in her hichchair because it has a 5point harness and stops her doing all of the above. DH thinks I'm being unreasonable because he thinks she just needs to have a star chart etc to teach her to stay in. I think she's too young to really get the star chart /time out thing.

Opinions welcome! She's my first so really am a bit clueless when it comes to things like this (idiot mother emoticon should go here!)

It sounds like maybe it is not about high chair vs booster, but at what point is it okay for her to get down from the table.

If this is about sitting at the table for longer than about 10-15 mins then I think YABU to try to return her to the table. That's a long time for a toddler to sit still (think about how little time they can give attention to one toy before moving on), even more so if they are full and don't want any more food.

I wouldn't let DS down (nearly 19mo) if he was still eating but if he asks to get down and I know he is done then I let him as I'd rather he plays happily and quietly near the table than sits whining at the table. Sometimes he'll happily sit at the table for 30 mins, other times he's ready to get down in 10 - just depends on food, conversation and what mood he's in. He always says "down" when he's had enough and I say "are you finished or would you like more x/y/z" if he says "more x/y/z" he stays at the table. if he says "finished" i say "well sit there until i clean your hands and face and then you can get down" and then let him down after that. once he is down he doesn't get more food, unless he is willing to sit back at the table and put bib back on etc. but after the second down he isn't allowed back up.

I want to instil some sort of ritual around dining, and make him understand that there are certain table manners, but above all I want meals to be peaceful! It's not fair to expect him to do exactly as we do given his age, but we have table rules for him that he needs to compy with IYSWIM.

If it really is about booster vs high chair, then it's entirely up to you! My DS is just starting in a booster but that's only because I can't bear the huge high chair getting in my way any more!

For those of you who let their children down from the table when finished, how do you deal with this when you eat at other peoples houses or at restaurants? I'm from an Asian family and husband is French, so dining is at the centre of a lot of our social occassions!

Sorry for the stupid questions, BTW - really do appreciate all the advice!

TBH I find that the novelty of other people/restaurants keeps him occupied enough in those situations. I find letting him eat at his own pace helps - so if he has finished main and desperate to get down while we are still eating, I let him have dessert before we do as that keeps him at the table a bit longer. Obviously that doesn't work at other people's houses when they dictate the pace, but it works well in restaurants.

I also bring books and/or small toys that he can play with at the table - but only when he has finished eating and is cleaned up etc.

And I try to involve him in the conversation as much as possible. Sometimes I think we can get engrossed in our adult conversations at the table and forget the DCs a little, so they get bored. So I try to point out things in the restaurant to him, or talk to him about what I am eating and let him try it, or have a side conversation with him while all the other adults talk amongst themselves etc.

He lasted 1.5 hours in a restaurant on Saturday with a combination of these things and a big sprinkling of good luck!

Wow HolidaysQueen - 1.5 hours is pretty impressive. On the few occassions when I've taken her to restaurants, I've felt like a performing seal as I've produced one toy after another in an effort to keep her occupied for even an hour!

I agree with the posters that say let them down when they are done and also agree with holidaysqueen about the novelty of it.
At 19 months she might not still get the novelty value yet but at other peoples houses especially family there are plenty other people to keep them amused.

One thing I always did with both of mine was eat out a lot. Not big fancy restaurants but even just sandwich bars or local nice pub. Places where there wasn't going to be heaps expected of them in terms of sitting for long periods of time and sitting quietly.
It really did help a lot they always got down from the table at home when they were finished and I took things to do when we ate out.
Now even ds who cannot sit still anywhere else when we eat anywhere out of home doesn't try to get down or run around.
It can be exhausting at first with constantly amusing them but crayons and a pad to scribble on and you joining in will go a lot further than you think.

YANBU - you do what is right for your child x