to think that my dad is an absolute arsewipe?!!!

[Jodyray]

Ok long story but i will try and cut it short. My dad is a control freak, as kids we got hidings for virtually nothing, as did mum. Anyway she stayed with him and over the last 15 years (am 31 now) my relationship with him is strained (when it suits him) i suppose cos he knows i remember things he did. That said i have always done everything to help him to the point that currently he owes me over 3.5k and has done for over 18months. He cant pay me back at the min so i dont hassle him, all i have ever asked of him is that he or mum does the evening school run for me for my daughter. Neither of them work and the school is 100 yards away, so this is agreed, however every chance he gets he throws it back at me that he LETS mum do this. He also begrudges me going out with friends or having any sort of social life and brands me a bad mum if i have a drink once a month,(as a single mum of 2 struggling to make ends meet most months after paying all the bills and mortgage on my own, working full time and doing a degree i think once in a while i am entitled to a night off). However today i was meeting with my new employers at work as we are going through a transfer. DD aged 6 was poorly so couldnt go school, so as i have done in the past and as agreed with mum, i went round to drop her there after i had taken DS to nursery, so i could go work, only for arsewipe to 'put his foot down' and refuse to look after her saying that his relaxation time is more important than my job, he told mum to 'shut it' and grabbed my arm and frogmarched me out. DD was crying and then she ended up throwing up in the car as she was in a state. So now he is sat on his arse doing nothing, has taken mums mobile off her so she cannot ring or text me and i am in shit with work and probably getting frowned upon by new employers. I know he has done this on purpose just cos he knows its an important day, thats just the kind of person he is. When i recently passed my first year of a degree course that i have been studying at home mum congratulated me, he said 'oh its only a bit of reading she will drop out yet, she should be concentrating on her kids'. I have never done anything to this man apart from try to help him out even if i have to go without. My brothers do nothing for him yet they are perfect. Am i being unreasonable to think he is being a complete tosser with me????

Just a quick point about the nursery - sometimes they do school pick ups so you may just have to organise with them to collect your daughter after school. Obviously it depends on avail places etc but its worth an enquiry.

Good Luck, YANBU

Really well done for working, studying and bringing up two children, that's an incredible achievement, you should feel proud of yourself. Don't let your family hold you back, keep looking to the future for you and your children. Have you thought about an au pair/nanny - they are cheaper than you may think, ring any local agency.

Good luck, and bloody well done.

I'm being extreme - but how long before he starts this bullying, manipulative behaviour with your daughter?
Cut the ties with him. If you suspect he's abusing your mother report him to the police. Taking her mobile phone off her - what century is this?

Wow you are agood daughter still being so considerate after all he has done. A lot of respect to you too for all your studying and working you put me to shame!!!

Hope it works out ok and dd gets an after school place, it's awful being beholding to some people

I agree that you have to demand your money back and cut all contact.

Being harsh here, but I think you need to tell your mum to visit yours/meet somewhere, but that you will not visit them.

You have yourself & your daughter to think of.

Also, I think that the fact that he spoils your daughter makes up for nothing.

He wants her to go round-but look what has happened-she witnessed him bullying your mother, so he obviously doesn´t really care about her.

Also,he treats you like sh!t, but you are still trying to please him-which is why he will keep treating you like sh!t,IMO.

OMG poor poor you what at total and utter prick UANBU no way. Sorry jodyray he is an abuser and a bully and a genrally nasty piece of work. Your poor poor mum dont cut her out please, he has probably knocked her down over the years so she has no confidence. She needs your help. Yes go to court and get the money back from your dad he is nasty nasty nasty.

Cut off ties. It is only a matter of time before he starts on your DD. And it will feel worse for her and have a worse effect because of all the spoiling she's getting now. Forgive yourself for doing this, but you have your DCs to protect.

You might covertly maintain ties with your mum. If she is elderly, is there a senior abuse services officer you could call? It is abusive for your dad to take away her phone and keep her from outside contact. She's not living in Afghanistan, after all. Might even warrant a police call.

You can get that money back through the courts. He has actually stolen it from you and is holding it hostage. He sounds really disturbed.

My dad is a bit like this about my social life and it really bugs me.m

I think your priority has to be your children, not your Mum. Sorry to sound harsh, but I've been there as my Dad was very violent and abusive. My mum died when I was a teenager and I left home and took my younger sister with me. I've not seen him since, and there is no way he'd be allowed anywhere near my DCs.

Think about the lessons your dd is getting from being around an abusive relationship, and seeing how your Dad treats your Mum. He is not being nice to your dd, he's using her to control you and you mum. Cut all ties, and tell your mum you will support her but you cannot allow your dd to see that sort of treatment as normal.