to be mad with my sister about a new puppy!

[mrsws]

My sister has basically got a puppy to try and fix her depression/fill the hole her husband is'nt. So - we are due to go and stay with her at the weekend with our 2 YO DS. Now she has got a dog and my husband has said that he is'nt happy as the dog has come from a farm where it has kind of had a pack life. She's 5.5 months old but not house trained; not vaccinated or wormed; I dont think its been round any children and its proberbly coockoo from being inbred! (they dont kno if its brother is its uncle or even its dad!)

AIBU to ring her and say we wont be coming? We have kind of been against the dog in general as I think its unfair on the dog to use it to try and fix their 1 year old marrige! So I think she may think its just us being unreasonable - but I love my sister and I want to go and stay with her. I'm just worried about the whole situation!

Thank you for reading my rambling question -hope you wonderful Mumsnetters can guide me!

It's none of your business if she gets a dog or not, or indeed where she gets it. So yes, YABU.

Can you not compromise and ask that the dog be kept away from the baby or something?

I think you are being very judgemental.

What are you worried about exactly? That your sister won't worm the puppy?

Her and her dh decision about getting the dog but would'nt be happy about having a 2 year old round non housetrained dog also be a bit funny about the non vacination and not worming so ask her how she can reasurre you before making a decision.. Good Luck

you are being ultra judgey imo

its up to her if she wants to make ill judged choices

as for your presumptions on the dog, you gotta admit they are more based on your thoughts about WHY the dog was bought as opposed to any real cocern about the animal itself or its heritage

Just tell her you can't really have your baby around a dog with no vaccinations or wormer. Babies can get all kinds of horrible diseases from dog poo. Dog poos and gets some on his feet, dog runs about in house, baby crawls about, baby in hospital. I speak as a member of a training school. We do hear about these things.

Sorry did'nt mean to offend anyone - there is alot of background to it and I was trying to keep it short. Obviously gave off the wrong impression. I have encouraged her to look into getting a dog when they sort out their own problems first to make sure she wants one for the right reasons. It was her that said she was getting a dog to fill the gap her DH had created. my DH is always abit nervous of new dogs arond my son as we have a friend who has a child that was bittens. Like I said I want to go and see my sister. I never told her not to get one and would never tell her what to do.

I'm sorry that came accross so badly.

Hobgoblin - this is what my sister has told me about the dog. Its coming from a farm owned by someone she knows. She told me this when she was'nt getting the dog. as its a collie I would have thought it would be happier on the farm where it is.

Thank you for your advice hairyclairefairy and dawnybabe. My son has been in hospital 7 times this year with asthma (no pet allergy tho)

oh god i am not smooching over the dog, though i love dogs i'm just saying maybe you could resign yourself to her making this mistake as it won't fix her marriage or whatever. just don't say ' i told you so!'

I reckon you and your dh need to relax a bit

No no - I know I can kind of say it on here but I would never say this to her or I told u so.

My DH is concerned about my son bing around an unknown dog and I can understand that - I think its more likely my son will hurt the dog (just kidding I have always taught him to be careful round all animals.)

But with hubby not happy and sister might think I'm saying 'I dont like your dog' I did'nt quite know what to do!

Its your child, so whether you go or not is your call but it's her house, her dog and her life so unless your sis intends to keep the pup untrained, un-vaxed and not house trained, in which case you have every reason to be mad with her, its all really down to her what she does.

If you have serious safety concerns, based on something far more solid than your DHs fears due to someone else's child's experience, then voice them and ask your sis to help you in keeping both child and dog safe and happy that weekend. As far as worming and first vacs are concerned your sis should have the dog in the vets prior to your stay, for the dogs sake. She has a week so no excuse, and I'd think that it would be wise to get such a pup thoroughly checked by a vet to rule out illness or congenital problems and the like.

My own DP is scared of dogs, having been bitten on 3 seperate occasions in his younger days - worse still all these were by the breed I own! However he has never transmitted that fear to his DD or assumed that every dog is a potential threat to her. If your DH is so concerned he could always stay home and you and DS could go on your visit without him, it seems a shame for you and DS to lose out.

I'm sure that you will be a responsible parent and not leave DS alone with any unknown dog and if your sis is equally responsible I don't see what you have to worry about.

Do encourage her to get that poor dog to the vet though!

YABU

my dps family all have rescue dogs (5 in all split between diff houses) yet a friends dog shed had since a pup bit an adult it had known years for no apparent reason!

Im wary of dogs i dont know but my children adore all the dogs, and the dogs are brilliant with them even the newest one was chilled when ds had a full blown toddler tantrum!

Just keep them separate, are there no doors in the house? Keep an eye on your DS and don't leave him alone with the dog. I'm sure it will be fine, it isn't worth upsetting your sister about, especially if things have been hard for her. I think you need to relax a little, but just be careful how you interact with the dog.

yanbu - but it's your sisters choice what she does at home. Keep your ds out of contact with the dogs and don't leave any of his things about in case they are chewed up. Can your sister keep the dog outside on a lead for part of the day?

It is your sister's home, she can get a dog as and when she chooses, it is up to you if you go on not.

you Can't keep a puppy outside on a lead, that is totally unfair, poor pup

It is your sister's home, she can get a dog as and when she chooses, it is up to you if you go on not.

you Can't keep a puppy outside on a lead, that is totally unfair, poor pup

If you're not sure about puppy just keep the visit short. Do you have to "stay" with her? I'd just go round for a few hours, or suggest all go out together. Alternately wait a few weeks until puppy house trained and vaccinated and wormed if this visit arranged before puppy arrived on scene, and tell her you'd love to come when puppy ready to meet toddlers. Your son will probably love the puppy.

Wow your poor sister - she needs support not your bitterness and assumptions on her life. A dog would be good for her cheer her up and keep her busy. It's not all about you. Maybe you and your hubby need to get a hobby and talk about something else instead of chatting all about her dog and saying stuff like it's her replacement husband and in your opinion it's wrong to do blah blah. She's going through a real tough time and that's your attitude. It's just a dog

If your that concerned about your DD catching a disease ask about vaccinations and mention your DD being around.

A nice thing to do to support her would get a sitter and have some quality time together have a few wines or something, make it about her and support her.

If it's a collie it's going to need a lot of exercise and can't be cooped up anywhere for a long amount of time.

Ultimately it's her dog and it's her decision to have the dog and I honestly think you need to vent your concerns to her on a point by point basis rather than just be 'I can't come because of the dog'.

You need to know whether it has been wormed and vaccinated before you go.

You need to know if the dog-poo is restricted to certain areas; if it's shut in one room with access to the outside or if it has free-run.

You need to explain to her that a potentially nervous and flappy two year old and a collie puppy aren't likely to mix well immediately. I think it's worth taking the time to appreciate that neither your son nor her dog are going anywhere and you're going to need a strategy to help them be together (never alone) without a situation turning nasty.

My Nan got a rescue dog recently; house trained but no other training. I made it clear that I loved her dog but would not be introducing my children (4 and 1.5) to it until I was sure I could handle the dog, the dog knew me and that I was in charge etc. Nan also made it clear that she'd rather shut the dog away when they're around than risk the dog hurting one of them. Both of us know that this is a possibility.

It took a couple of weeks of me seeing the dog semi-regularly, walking it, commanding it, giving treats when they were deserved. I then coached the 4yo in how to approach dogs so that they didn't think you were about to hurt them (and of course never to approach another dog without asking the owner first). He met the dog and both he and the dog behaved exactly as we needed them both to.

With the younger one it was more difficult as I can't explain to her as easily and her face is more at mouth level. Also she loves dogs and I have to restrain her from running up and petting every one she sees. But again, we spent a bit of time with me showing her how to be around the dog and getting the dog to understand that she can't leap at her or be rough with her, and again, so far it's fine.

Now, all of us can be in the same space together without it being a drama or anyone getting upset/hurt. We'd never leave them alone together but it's not an insurmountable obstacle.

Firstly I think i have given every1 the wrong end of the stick and i am sorry about that - I would never NEVER not support my sister and have, and continue to be, there for her. I'm sorry if I have come accross wrongly by trying to leave much of the previous years out of the infomation at the start, but that is my own fault.

I know it is her decision i have spent the last few years trying to help her the gain the confidence to make her own decisions. I have never told her what to do, or what to think. I was on the phone to her this morning asking all about the dog and if there was a toy we could bring when we come so that it makes us coming into the house easier. I spent last night looking at the best way to introduce a toddler to a new dog. Like I said earlier I would never say any of this to her I and I want to go and stay at her house I just wanted some advice.

My sister wants to have children. She always has. Recently she told me that she wanted to get a dog as she wanted something to look after as she doesnt think she will be a good mum. She is a nursery nurse she loves kids and she wants kids but her time is running out (due to health problems it needs to be sooner rather than later). maybe that is why I am worried about the dog because I think she is selling herself short. It does'nt really matter most of you now think I am a bitter cow.

As for locking the dog outside - No we would'nt do that. They previously had a dog and it casued no end of upset for my sister as her DH thinks it is ok to leave it locked in the kitchen all day. We were brought up different and believe if you have a dog it needs time spent with it, long walks and company. It used to tear her up when she was at work thinking about the dog at home alone all day.

It really worries me that I have come across so badly - I wish I could write out the top differently but I cant. And I would happily stop the thread here if I could. Please dont think I am a horrible person and that all me n my dh do is sit round moaning about other people. We are not like that at all.

I'm sorry. Thank you for your advice.

oh wow i'm sorry you feel like everyone jumped on you.

good luck with your sister hope you can find a way to work it out

So you're never going to take your child to a house where there might be a puppy?!!

I think you are sensible to be concerned about an unsocialised puppy near to your toddler. I love dogs and think training is very important for happy, safe dogs and happy, safe people.
I would voice your concern about the puppy's inexperience with children and maybe leave out some of the other bits for now.
Good luck

Don't feel bad!! You didn't come across badly in you op, you came across as someone who is concerned about her ds being around a strange dog, esp when this dog may not like children because of it's backround.

This is mumsnet, not dogsnet we are all here trying to do the best for our kids, we shouldn't come on here and jump on people for voicing concerns about keeping their kids safe and happy.

You are perfectly entitled to think that your sister got the dog for totally the wrong reasons at the same time as being supportive of her.
Being supportive of someone does not mean that you have to agree with them 100%.

And I refuse to believe that there is one person on here that hasn't talked about someone else ever in their whole life.
Doesn't mean you're the bitch from hell - talking about someone can also mean voicing concerns and trying to find way sto help them.

Mrsws - sorry you felt that you were being got at. You didn't come across as horrible or unsupportive of your sister, please don't fret.

A word of warning from my experience - if your BIL puts the pup in the kitchen each time visitors call he is causing the family a problem as the pup will never become socialised with strangers to the house that way. If you can politely put this over to him without offending you'd be doing everyone a favour.

Wurzel's advice is excellent and if you have the opportunity to do as she did there is every reason to believe that all will be fine.

Wurzel - I wish everyone was like you. Your approach to your Nan's dog was text-book perfect. I'd breeze in and fall on my knees to hug the pup and my DC (though at 12 and 14 much older than yours) would follow suit but not everyone is that -stupid- confident and your way of dealing with your little ones and a new dog is superb. May you all have many happy years of fun and friendship together.