to consider coming out of work?

[lorrycat]

I went back to work in May after a break up with DP. We got back together and moved in together again in September. I've continued to work and as a result my son (14 months) has been in a creche during the days that I work.

Until this month, I was working 8-4pm mon and tues and 8-1 on a wednesday. After a rocky start, DS settled into creche and seemed to be thriving.

This month has seen him be off creche for a week with chicken pox, back in for 1 week and then off for another week for a trip abroad. Ever since he has gone back he has been so upset. Instead of a few tears whenever i'm leaving, he is crying from the moment we pull up at the door. He gets himself so worked up and he won't eat breakfast.

On top of this, i've been asked to cover in another department until March, so I now work all day mon-thurs and DS is in creche 4 days a week now instead of 2.5.

This is really upsetting me to see him so unsettled. I thought that maybe last week would be a one-off, just until he got back into the swing of things again. But this morning was the same story and its so heartbreaking to walk away from my little boy to go to work.

I brought up the subject of me cutting my hours back down with DP, or coming out of work for a while, until DS is a little bit older and more ready to cope with creche. DP is totally supportive and we think we can cope financially.

I don't know if i am reading too much into this. Should i leave it for a while longer and then review the situation in another month? I'm so torn. All i now for sure is that I hate putting DS through this every morning

In truth he'll settle but I'm not sure that you will
I suppose my dvice would be decide what you want to do in terms of work and go from there.

If you want my honest opinion, I would leave work.

If you needed the money to pay the mortgage then you would have no choice but to stick it out but as you and your DP think you can manage financially, then leave or take a career break. I think employers have some legal obligation to consider these now, no?

You can review the situation in 6 months or a year.

I say this as a mum who works FT but wishes she didn't have to!

Give it a bit longer. He's obviously had a disruptive month or so and may simply be out of routine and confused. However in your position I'm not sure I'd commit to increasing it yet, unless you really need the money.

Whats he like at creche once you have left him? All 3 of mine used to get very upset going into nursery, but within 5 minutes of me leaving they were fine (I know as I used to hide outside and listen!).

I call the creche when i get to work and they say he is fine. I would be able to hear him crying in the background (have done previously) so i know they are not lying.

I guess I've always been torn by going back to work when he is so young. Many people would kill to be in the position that I am, with the choice to work or not. I wasnt working until DP and I split back in May and was left in a position where I HAD to go back to work.

Now i don't really have to. 20 hours a week was grand, but now that its up to 30 hours, I'm feeling the strain both physically and emotionally.

Maybe i'm using DS as an excuse for how i'm really feeling about this?

what is he like when you pick him up?

Ohh, this sound just like my dd she was upset at being left & she didn't settle when i'd left, she was not ready really, & with hindsight, (a wonderful thing) I should have taken her out, as my guilt still hurts now!
She did eventually settle, and it was only 2 morning sessions a week..

Ask the staff how he is once you have left?
Collect him early to see if you can gage his distress? Would they let you stay for a few sessions?
If you can take him out, then i suppose it would be after weighing it all up.. good luck, hopefully he will settle.

StealthPolarBear...he gets very excited to see me whenever I collect him. Almost gets a bit whingy sometimes and is VERY clingy whenever we get home. If DP is not home from work yet to distract him, I have to cook dinner with him hanging off my leg.

If i come out of work we would be about £600 worse off every month. But if i ask my employer to cut me back to 20 hours again, instead of 30, we would only be £300 worse off. This would give me a better balance, i think, of time with DS (as i'd be home from wed 1pm onwards) and time for me.

I won't make a decision until i've thought about this thoroughly. The only thing i'm sure about at the minute is that i'm not happy with the current situation.

I spoke to HR manager this morning. Thankfully she was very sympathetic to my situation and has agreed to drop my hours back to 20 per week.
Tbis does leave her in a bit of predicament i understand, and i feel guilty, once again, for letting someone else down . However I need to consider my son as my first priority and 30 hours a week in a creche, where he is unsettled, is not good for him. I've agreed to continue this week and next with my overtime, but after that it will be back to 2.5 days a week.
Phew!