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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect Ex to tell me where DD is sleeping tonight?

20 replies

TeeteringOnTheEdge · 17/10/2009 21:04

FFS. He has her for the weekend. I rang her and she said she is with his sister and sleeping there tonight. Sister is a rude horrible woman who can't stand me. I didn't say anything to DD, except "are you sure you want to stay there tonight?", she said yes. So I spent an hour trying to get through to ex to find out why the F he didn't tell me/ask me about these arrangements.

Finally got through to him and he just ranted at me. I need to get down off my high horse etc etc...

DD is at other side of the country. I hate it.

I know when she is with him, he is in charge as such, but he has her 4 nights a month, shouldn't he want to have her with him. Not with cow faced sister.

OP posts:

ChasingSquirrels · 17/10/2009 21:08

a little bit unreasonable, do you tell him where she is every night she is with you?

Vallhala · 17/10/2009 21:08

Why is your DD staying with her aunt and not her dad? Does he have plans for the night and so will be absent or will he be there too?

I know that people will tell me off for saying that I think his behaviour a bit off, especially if he didn't mention it in advance and that he has a right to do what he likes with his child so long as she is safe and happy but it seems to me a little odd and understandably troubling to you Teetering.

longagegap · 17/10/2009 21:09

What age is your DD ? And has she any cousin and thats why she would want to stay there ? I can understand your annoyed at him and yes i do think he should have told you incase anything happend . He should be spending time with her if he only has her 4 nights a month

Monsterspam · 17/10/2009 21:11

YANBU. You are right, if he is having her 4 nights a month then he should be having her, not his sister. Is he having her this often to affect CSA payment then chucking her to his family when he can't be bothered?

pithyslicker · 17/10/2009 21:13

4 nights a month wouldn't effect the CSA payments.

Original poster

TeeteringOnTheEdge · 17/10/2009 21:18

DD is 10. Has a cousin there, they are watching X Factor together apparently.

I know I'm being a bit unreasonable, but I just wish he had told me. This sister is horrid. I'll be ringing ex at 7am to go get her.

I feel uncomfortable ringing DD as I'm worried cow-face will get in a strop with DD if she thinks I'm checking on her.

OP posts:

Original poster

TeeteringOnTheEdge · 17/10/2009 21:19

Nothing to do with CSA. In a different country.

OP posts:

Drooper · 17/10/2009 21:20

Is the sister horrid to your DD or likely to badmouth you in front of her?

longagegap · 17/10/2009 21:24

I think he could have texted and said that she was staying with her cousin , when he is meant to have her . I think your a bit annoyed more cos you dont get on with his sister and i total understand that and i think once you have a sleep you'll not be so annoyed by it , although he should have had her tonight , men lol Try not to get to annoyed though as long as your daughter is happy and in a safe place thats all that counts at the moment x

Original poster

TeeteringOnTheEdge · 17/10/2009 21:35

I don't think she would be horrid to DD, she is just a bit blinkered towards other peoples kids. Her (little madam) is an angel and nothing compares to her iykwim. (She's 8 and clings to Mums leg if she leaves the room - except if I'm there, she loves me, that might be something to do with it..)

I wouldn't be surprised if she had a few little digs about me to DD though.

I could throttle him.

OP posts:

longagegap · 17/10/2009 22:16

Talk to him when you see him again and tell him how it made you feel , try not to talk bad about his sister though as he'll only use it against you . Your daughter loves you so dont worry if she says anything to her , they only want you to bite back , just hold your chin high and dont rise to them

mmrred · 17/10/2009 22:49

Do you arrange access for his family in addition to his access? Because if not I think YABU - she has a right to relationships with her wider family based on time spent with them, and watching x-factor with a cousin of a similar age hardly sounds like a harmful thing to be doing, and questions like 'are you sure you want to stay there tonight' undermine his parenting decisions, TBH.

But then I am having a very bad few days so might be ABU myself.

Original poster

TeeteringOnTheEdge · 17/10/2009 23:16

I do encourage her relationships with his (huge, and mostly lovely) family. I don't mind at all if she is with them (without him), but I would like to be told/asked if she is sleeping somewhere else. Without him. With someone who hates me. It was also the fact that pig of an Ex wouldn't answer his phone for a few hours after I first heard of the plans.

Anyhoo, I spoke to her at 10pm and she was off to bed with her cousin. Shes back home tomorrow, I'll lay into him then when she's safely home and out of earshot.

Thanks for letting me rant.

OP posts:

OrangeFish · 17/10/2009 23:24

Oh well, at least he is leaving her with family, my ex is leaving DS regularly with the friends of his new girlfriend...

And no, I'm not happy with that at all.

Original poster

TeeteringOnTheEdge · 17/10/2009 23:29

What reason does he give OrangeFish?

OP posts:

OrangeFish · 17/10/2009 23:53

"His child, his time, none of my business" no excuse.

Original poster

TeeteringOnTheEdge · 18/10/2009 02:24

How old is your DS OrangeFish? It must be v hard.

OP posts:

floatyjosmum · 18/10/2009 19:31

have to say i think yabu, if its his time then its up to him what they do, although i do agree that if he only has her 4 nights a month then he should want to spend time iwht her!.
im guessing this is prob the only time his extended family get to see her - therefore it seems quite normal that she should sleep over there. if you were still together then it would prob be something that she would do

Original poster

TeeteringOnTheEdge · 19/10/2009 17:25

Well thanks for the replies.

I think ex got the heeby jeebys about her being there too. He texted her at 7.50am, and she was awake, so he collected her at 8am.

I asked her did she enjoy it, she mumbled "yeah". I asked her if she would like to stay there again sometime, she said "naah" (she's so eloquent )

So that's that sorted. He has another sister who DD adores (and her DH and DC's) and I have no problem at all with her staying there, but I have always been told beforehand.

Anyway, another drama over with.

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 19/10/2009 17:34

YANBU. And no-one has a right to get cow faced with you for ringing your own DD when she's away from you. Time to get her a mobile of her own for situations like this? My DCs have their own and I can bypass all the 'pleasantries' when they're with my ex. We text all the time.

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