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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so miserable in new house that I can't eat?

64 replies

RubyBooBerry · 16/10/2009 19:17

Moved house from 3 bed terrace with yard (rented) a month ago into a 3 bed semi with garden which we have bought.

Thinking garden would be great for kids but none of us have set foot in it.

I've said "hello" and "hi" and given waves and smiles to neighbours every day on this new street and nobody will speak, they just grunt or look away.

AIBU to want to move back to a rented house where the doorways were wide enough to carry DS through on my hip, the yard only needed sweeping once a year and the neighbours invited you in for coffee?

I really am miserable. I haven't eaten in 2 days, just not hungry but I have had a few coffees so I won't starve.
And I hate to be sad but at least I got to use a Halloween emoticon

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 16/10/2009 19:19

You are being really daft! How does you not eating help? Go and make yourself some toast and eat it and then come back and say exactly what's wrong with the house and garden so people can help you fix it!

Northernlurker · 16/10/2009 19:20

oh and a too of course

moshie · 16/10/2009 19:23

Why haven't you set foot in the garden? You're just not used to it yet, give it time and you'll wonder how you managed without one.
Persevere with being cheery to the neighbours, hope you come across someone friendly soon.

Original poster
RubyBooBerry · 16/10/2009 19:25

I'm just not eating cos I can't face it, and I don't feel like it. I feel like there's a big cloud in my head and I don't want to look any higher than the floor cos I would have to look more at the house. IYKWIM ?
But the hug was nice. Ta NL

OP posts:
mummyloveslucy · 16/10/2009 19:25

I do feel for you Ruby. It must be awful to go from such a friendly neighbourhood to what you've described. I'm not sure what to suggest really. Have you spoken to your DH about it?

MrsHappy · 16/10/2009 19:25

The not eating will surely make you feel even more miserable. Do as Northernlurker suggests - I bet it can be made better.

ninagleams · 16/10/2009 19:28

I felt like this when I moved here but you know, everyone in the flats around me has moved out in the last 6 months and now I'm surrounded by friendly, lovely people! Just hang on in there and if you still hate it later you can decide whether you want to stay there.

BonsoirAnna · 16/10/2009 19:30

You are expecting way too much of your neighbours and are not investing in your new home.

saltyseadog · 16/10/2009 19:31

Oh Ruby you daft so and so . It's early days, I'm sure it will get better. It always takes time tyo settle into a new house/ neighbourhood.

Have you moved far from your old place?

ImSoNotTelling · 16/10/2009 19:46

Things always look worse when you're hungry. Have some food and tomorrow go outside and jump up and down in the garden with your Dcs.

The neighbours will come round - I have always found it more friendly in smaller/rented places as people move more often, and are often younger and perkier. When you have people who have lived there for years/will live there for years like you do more with larger family homes people take a bit longer to warm up but it's usually well worth it!

freakname · 16/10/2009 19:50

Come on! New house. It's yours! You own it! Congratulations!

Moving is one the top stresses along with death and divorce so no wonder you're feeling a bit churrned up.

Imagine your garden in the spring? Give the neighbours a chance? People just need time. After all RL isn't like MN you know

BLEEPyouYOUbleepingBLEEP · 16/10/2009 19:53

It took us a while to feel comfortable in our new house, and I looked on our old house as home for ages, but now I can't imagine living anywhere else and love the place and people.

Give it a chance and get something to eat [stern look]

Romanarama · 16/10/2009 19:54

The fact that you own the garden is so important. You can plant little things that need time to grow, knowing that you will be there to look at them. Go to a garden centre and have a look, and buy some garden magazines. And eat something fgs.

ImSoNotTelling · 16/10/2009 19:55

Have you painted a room? The first thing you must always do is paint a room, then magically the place feels like "yours". Do it as a family job tomorrow after you have all jumped in the garden

Tortington · 16/10/2009 19:55

i think you ae mourning a loss of community.

i know exactly how you feel

your lie will get its new routine - promise

congrats

its normal to mourn a different way of life

Ripeberry · 16/10/2009 19:59

Eat something for goodness sake! It's a vicious circle otherwise. Tomorrow send some invites to your immeadiate neighbours and you might be pleasantly suprised.
It takes time to be accepted in new areas. Some people leave you alone and others don't keep their beaks out

TheGreatScootini · 16/10/2009 20:02

We moved from our last house becuase it was too tiny for DH, DD1, me and DD2 when she arrived.But I loved that house.

I hate the one we live in now (and its been two years and I STILL hate it)Unfortunately we had to get a bigger one and to do that on our limited budget we had to compromise on location and style of house etc.

I still cant drive past our old house without feeling upset and I still get a bit of heart sink when I get home to this one.

Guess we are stuck here for a while as it needs a bit more work before we can realistically sell it and we cant afford to move again just now.

Sorry this isnt helping but just wanted to sympathise with OP.Dont not eat though.Then you will not only live somewhere you dont like but will be ill too and that wont help matters.

Northernlurker · 16/10/2009 20:20

I hope you've not posted for a while because you've gone to the chip shop or similar!

Everybody else is right - things can and will get better. You are in charge, not the house, not the neighbours, You are going to make this better.

Now I want you to answer the following questions:

The garden - all grass, grass and flower beds, grass and concrete, total wilderness?

What is the bathroom like?

What is the kitchen like?

What colour are your bedroom walls?

Have you got curtains and lampshades up yet?

Does the heating work?

What's your front door like?

What's the front fence/gate like?

wolfear · 16/10/2009 20:32

Ruby, my neighbours made no effort with us when we first moved here. It just takes a bit of time for you to become a familiar face. I found we 'bonded' over little things we had in common like, our kids and even being collectively pissed off at local shoppers taking our parking spaces. I've been here five years now and must admit I haven't gone out of my way to welcome new neighbours, but know we'll get to know each other slowly.

It's sometimes difficult adjusting to change. You'll be right luv.

hophophippidtyhop · 16/10/2009 20:40

Buy some bulbs to come up next spring, it'll get you out there and feeling like it's yours. Find something that needs doing out the front if you have a bit of garden out there as you might see your neighbours as they go past, it'll give you some chances to say hello. Hope you settle in soon!

2rebecca · 16/10/2009 22:36

You sound very sorry for yourself.
If I was you I'd give myself a kick up the bum and tell myself to stop doing a "poor me" and start enjoying our new house. Better neighbours who don't speak (although it's very early days) than noisy neighbours or druggie violent neighbours. You maybe need to join a couple of clubs or take up new hobbies if it's friends you're after.
I often feel a bit flat after moving but just tell myself to get on with life and keep busy.

tearinghairout · 16/10/2009 22:42

The time of year doesn't help, does it? I dread it when the clocks go back. Everyone is right, het yourself off to a garden centre & buy some bulbs, and get the dch to help you plant them.

And fgs eat something!

larks35 · 16/10/2009 22:49

When I first moved from a shared rental into a house myself and OH bought I found it weird and hard to get used to. I started in the garden while my OH redecorated inside, I don't know why but I just found the garden easier to cope with.
We're set to have a sunny weekend in most of UK, get yourself to Wilkos or similar and buy some bulbs and plant them out in your YOUR garden. You'll love yourself for it next feb!

Ripeberry · 16/10/2009 23:04

At least you've got your OWN house. It's up to you to make it YOUR home.

sunmonkey · 16/10/2009 23:30

I also hated my new place for ages when we first moved and longed to go back to my old. Convenience wise, if theres a feature that makes your life more difficult with a small child, I reckon its even harder. it was this time of year when we moved too, everything seemed bleaker. I was pregnant when we moved and wanted to give birth at home and felt depressed about living in a house that didn't feel like 'home' too. I grew to like it, slowly but surely and did give birth at home in the end, so now, especially I love it. Took a while to get to know the neighbors, but wish I'd made the effort earlier... and now its great. I'm sure it'll get better, and the garden sounds great, in the spring/summer you'll be glad of it.

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