to be so miserable in new house that I can't eat?

[RubyBooBerry]

Moved house from 3 bed terrace with yard (rented) a month ago into a 3 bed semi with garden which we have bought.

Thinking garden would be great for kids but none of us have set foot in it.

I've said "hello" and "hi" and given waves and smiles to neighbours every day on this new street and nobody will speak, they just grunt or look away.

AIBU to want to move back to a rented house where the doorways were wide enough to carry DS through on my hip, the yard only needed sweeping once a year and the neighbours invited you in for coffee?

I really am miserable. I haven't eaten in 2 days, just not hungry but I have had a few coffees so I won't starve.
And I hate to be sad but at least I got to use a Halloween emoticon

[Northernlurker]

I hope the OP comes back soon! I've got a whole raft of house and garden ideas I'm desperate to boss her about with tell her

[biggirlsdontcry]

northernlurker i would love to hear all of your ideas as we have our lovely home up for sale atm & are trying to buy a dump a house that's needs a WHOLE lot of work . honestly the garden is an over grown field & i am stating to think we must be mad , but the area this house is in is more convenient for kids schools etc .

[Quattrocento]

Well the thing about houses is that it does make a difference if they are loved. You need to fall in love with your house, I think.

Start by decorating. One room at a time. Making curtains and stuff. Work out how to make each individual room look lovely and proud of itself. Start with the DCs rooms.

As to the community thing - it just takes time. Invite a few neighbours round for a drink or something.

[Longtalljosie]

Right... you feel like you've got an enormous cloud in your head, and you're not eating.

I suspect it could be that you're clinically depressed. Buying a house is extremely stressful, it wouldn't be surprising.

NL is right about the toast though... view food as medicinal until this passes. You need to eat, you can't live on coffee (horrid stuff anyway)

[Northernlurker]

biggirls - start with the front gate and door. If the gate is shabby repaint it, also the door. Polish or buy new door furniture and put a pretty tub by the door. You will see this every time you come and home and it will either lift or depress you - much better that it lift you!

[Trikken]

hate my house too, had to move as the house we were renting was being sold. we have bought a new one with help from pils and feel that they had more in-put into this house than we did as they were putting in more money, this one needs so much doing to it and doesnt feel like 'home' at all. miss the old house soo much and cant afford to fix all of the problems in this house.

[biggirlsdontcry]

thanks northernlurker yes even the hall door needs replacing , we reckon it is going to cost a small fortune to refurbish this house but luckily Dh is great at DIY so he plans on doing it all himself , which will save on expenses in the long run , just not sure where to start tbh , but will take your advice & brighten up the outside first ,while dh gets started on the kitchen & bathrooms . x

[RubyBooBerry]

Thanks for replies everybody, I am a right old grumpytrousers aren't I. And I know I'm wallowing in self pity. Am not usually a wallower, yes, I was being me me me!! Didn't help that old neighbour called round with some home made bread to see if I was okay, I really miss her. But thank you all for taking the time to post replies and advice.

Old house was 1880 terraced house, high ceilings, huge windows, huge rooms, long corridor between bathrooms and bedrooms. Lush neighbours both sides, families with kids same age as our two. 5 mins walk to school.

New house 1945 semi on a big estate. Ceilings not as high, but rooms fair size apart from poor DS's L shape. bathroom right beside DS's room, creaky floor boards all over. 10 mins walk to school, same town, but now on local bus route. New house was home of old couple who smoked about 90 a day so there are air fresheners everywhere, the grout all over is brown and the ceilings are all ginger.

Trikken - that is exactly what happened with us PIL lent us the money for debt paying off (still paying them back though) and they are cross with me for being an old miseryguts and not happy here.

OK...NorthernLurker (where are you BTW??)
The garden
Infront of the 8ft patio which goes whole length of house.. On the left hand side old apple tree (adding to my ridiculous hysterical fear of wasps) and wild strawberry plants, blackberries and DH's shed. All very overgrown. path to top of garden with a fence joining onto garden behind which I find weird. Right hand side of garden there is a conservatory, rectangle of grass about 10 x 15 ft, above that a little knee high fence, above that wilderness square the same size, above that more blackberries and holly bushes and behind neighbour.

The bathroom
Green bath sink and loo with pipe dribbling into back of loo (boak) and below loo (boak boak). Polystyrene tiles on ceiling, dark green wallpaper. Brown wee smelling carpet!!

Kitchen
Orangey brown units, white flowery wall tiles, big window overlooking garden. 1979 gas cooker, 1979 gas hob on backwards. 1979 instructions for above in drawers. Think it may be condemned as it takes almost an hour to heat up and doesn't cook pizza.

Bedroom walls
Bright blue stripey wallpaper and dark brown fitted louvre door wardrobes. Not big enough for our KS bed to fit in, walk round bed AND open door.

Curtains and lampshades
Nope - just the ones that the previous owner left...very good idea to replace them asap.

heating?
Clanks like a ghost in chains all night but is much warmer than previous house. Hoping heating bills will be less.

front door
PVC with a 3ft dog on the glass (FFS why would you have a 3ft dog on your front door, now anybody reading this who might know me knows it is definately me as I hate the door and it's the only one I have ever seen in this town!!)

front fence/gate
None!! 6ft x 11 ft garden in front with spindly rose bushes and a hige freaky shaped bush. Footpath goes past. Bright pink footpath leads from our house to footpath (bright pink!!)

I know it sounds like a nice big house doesn't it? I need to fall in love with it. But where do you start...

And I had a McChicken sandwich today which was nice. So I am eating.

[Northernlurker]

Good lord woman - well yes I see why you're feeling a bit down. Eeeek! Ok then lets see:

The garden
Infront of the 8ft patio which goes whole length of house.. On the left hand side old apple tree (adding to my ridiculous hysterical fear of wasps)

Right - apple trees are lovely but you don't have to keep it if you don't like it. This time of year you're getting too late for wasps anyway do live with it till Christmas and then cut it down if you really don't like it.

and wild strawberry plants, blackberries and DH's shed. All very overgrown. path to top of garden with a fence joining onto garden behind which I find weird.

Sounds like you need to do some planting against this fence to give you more privacy? Or maybe even those bamboo screen things you can get in garden centres.

Right hand side of garden there is a conservatory, rectangle of grass about 10 x 15 ft,
So space for the kids to play then? Good.

above that a little knee high fence, above that wilderness square the same size, above that more blackberries and holly bushes and behind neighbour.

You need to get a strimmer and cut this back then think what would be useful for you. Another patio though? A space to build a play house on a concrete base? A veg plot?

Basically that all sounds like you could make it lovely. The thing to do is hack back a bit of stuff now then think what you will use it most for - if you want to barbeque then maybe build a patio of a outside loggia thing where you could really enjoy eating. If the kids are going to play rugby then go for more grass.

The bathroom
Green bath sink and loo with pipe dribbling into back of loo (boak) and below loo (boak boak).
That just needs to be fixed - sounds grim - this is a priority for whatever cash you've got. If you can't afford a white suite then just do the loo and buy a new white basin in 6 months and then the bath six months after that. Even mismatched will look better then something ancient and dripping.

Polystyrene tiles on ceiling,

This is a bit tricky - I believe when you try to take these off generally the rest of the ceiling tries to come too. I think that's a job for the professionals when you can afford it. In the mean time try to track down paint you can use on them to get rid of the orange tinge they no doubt have.

dark green wallpaper.

Strip and repaint asap. Shouldn't be too hard most bathroom wallpaper is almost falling off with the damp.

Brown wee smelling carpet!!

Take this up tomorrow. Anything - including bare boards is better. You could just paint the boards?

Kitchen
Orangey brown units,

Are they intact? If so look at painting them and replacing the handles. I have an idea that white or cream on the units with handles in lots of primary colours could be cute for a bit till you can get a new kitchen. You can buy cheap wooden handles and paint them. I think some spotty curtains and lightshade could also be good - after all the house is driving you dotty!

white flowery wall tiles,

Two words - tile paint!

big window overlooking garden.

See above for curtains

1979 gas cooker, 1979 gas hob on backwards. 1979 instructions for above in drawers. Think it may be condemned as it takes almost an hour to heat up and doesn't cook pizza.

This is a priority - it has to go!

Bedroom walls
Bright blue stripey wallpaper

Ok it's got to go - if you don't have the time and money to do it now then buy lots of tester pots and try out colours on it. It will look messy but at least you'll feel like you are moving forward not just sleeping and suffering with it.

and dark brown fitted louvre door wardrobes. Not big enough for our KS bed to fit in, walk round bed AND open door.

You need a sledgehammer - just knock the wardrobes out! Then you'll get a bit extra space - which you need!

Curtains and lampshades
Nope - just the ones that the previous owner left...very good idea to replace them asap.

No house feels homely without these things - they are a key project. You probably can't afford the nice wallpaper or soft furnishings you want for each room now - but buy the lampshade or the picture or whatever that's going to be a promise to you of what you need to get to where you want to be.


heating?
Clanks like a ghost in chains all night but is much warmer than previous house. Hoping heating bills will be less.

Ok just get it serviced and then rejoice in the heat.

front door
PVC with a 3ft dog on the glass (FFS why would you have a 3ft dog on your front door, now anybody reading this who might know me knows it is definately me as I hate the door and it's the only one I have ever seen in this town!!)

This is also a key project. You need a new door. Ask your family to buy you it for Christmas. You are never going to feel at home till the dog on the door is long gone! DO NOT skip this though. Put it on Ebay - somebody will be mad enough to buy it.


front fence/gate
None!! 6ft x 11 ft garden in front with spindly rose bushes and a hige freaky shaped bush.

Get out the shears and lose the bushes, sounds like they've outlived their useful life. Put up a fence - however small. Boundaries are very important to us.

Footpath goes past. Bright pink footpath leads from our house to footpath (bright pink!!)

Ok - paint this, tomorrow!

Regarding the smoking - it will be tough to get this out of the carpets. Either buy new, take them up and go with boards for a bit or shampoo them to within an inch of their life.

This sounds like a great house, every penny you spend is money you are putting back in to your own pocket and you can make it lovely. Just pick a few areas to focus on and get rid of the worst problems - I think bathroom loo and carpet, front door, front path and the kitchen are the key bits for now. I would also make sure you have a radio in the kitchen. If you can get bouncy, happy musice going in there then you WILL feel better.

Good luck - I'm going to go on B&Q's website etc now and find some stuff to give you ideas

HTH

[alicet]

NL's list of suggestions is fab!

I have another suggestion for the built in wardrobes as they are probably useful for storage. How about taking the doors off and putting curtains up instead? Not perfect but at least you won't have the issue of the doors not opening properly. In time when you can afford it (think there are other more pressing areas to spend money on just now) you could get sliding doors put on which would look better and again not have the problem of the doors not opening properly because of your bed. We had a huge sliding doored wardrobe in our old house (which sounds similar to your new one) and it was great - we could never have fitted such a large wardrobe in without sliding doors as it would also have hit the bed!

[Northernlurker]

tile paint

world of door handles

screening

fence for the front

front doors

this is fun fabric

spotty but out of stock

spotty

more choice here - not sure about price though

And keep eating!

[Northernlurker]

Oh and I forgot - I bet the inside of the kitchen units makes you want to be sick right? Ok - paint the inside as well (leave the doors open afterwards so the smell fades and it dooesn't stick together) then get som cool sticky back plastic - yes you can still get it! - and cover the shelf surfaces.

[Northernlurker]

Oh and I'm in York. Well tbh I'm worn out just with that internet shopping so I can only imagine how you must feel. Just start small - that bathroom carpet has to go tomorrow. Then work up and keep your eye on the prize - the lovely family home you all deserve.

[Georgimama]

We live in long term cheap rented which we (mistakenly no doubt) treat as our own. Had hideous kitchen doors so we replaced them (kept units) with ivory classic doors from B&Q for less than 100 quid total - painted sides of units with ordinary gloss. Kitchen now looks fine.

[penona]

Wow NL, what a great response! Wish I had asked you last year when we moved.

I know how you feel, Ruby. I was so excited when we were moving last year, I spent ages beforehand hanging everything on this move - it was the panacea. All the problems in life would go! But, they didn't. I just had new problems in a filthy, cold, rattling house that didn't look like mine and where nothing worked properly. I ended up getting quite seriously depressed about it. It was not a happy time. Looking back I can understand it, but at the time I was too glum to. (I even went cold turkey on MN for 5 mths I was so blue, which is very silly!)

I think NL advice is fabulous. Good luck. Keep us posted! (And perhaps attach a pic of the door? Sounds hilarious!)

Oh, and do take photos of it all NOW, as it looks. Then in a years time you can sit down and think, wow, we did all this.

[Georgimama]

Tomorrow go to the supermarket and buy yourself some flowers. Will cheer you and the house up no end.

[scottishmummy]

well starvation doesnt imbue good judgemnent.

eat

calm down

get on with settling in

[Longtalljosie]

Have you thought about having the carpets steam cleaned? I've never done this but someone was telling me about it the other day (our previous owners left the carpets filthy) and apparently it's cheaper than you think.

I replaced the doors to the kitchen units in my old house - made a world of difference, like having a new kitchen.

I used these people

[Longtalljosie]

And actually you could use that link to also order new doors for your built in wardrobes?

[Twintummy]

Give it time. Have you moved area's? My neighbours are all unfriendly but I think that's busy city life and I don't care anymore. I just wave and smile and have no expectations. Luckily I have made some lovely friend's at DC's school.

[MorrisZapp]

It wouldn't occur to me to make any effort with new neighbours beyond a smile and a wave. I'm a big fan of being polite but distant, maybe they are too?

You're still friends with your lovely old neighbour, so try to think of her as a friend, not your ex-neighbour.

You're in a v lucky position from what you've said. You've bought a house that is cosmetically dated and ugly, so presumably got it at a reasonable price.

You can now make it lovely, fresh and stylish very cheaply by doing basic decorating and refreshing.

You'll end up with a lovely house that you couldn't have afforded if it had been lovely when you viewed it. And it will all be exactly to your own needs and tastes. Result!

Wtf is the three foot dog about - you'll laugh heartily about that dog soon, trust me!

[shockers]

When people ask you where you live, you can just tell it's the dog house... good conversation starter in the school yard!
inting your kitchen units, you'll need melamime (?) primer...just done mine at my 'new' house and they look fab!
I'm still in my 'old' house and crying into my pillow at nights at the thought of leaving it for a lovely village with great schools and fantastic neighbours ( we knocked on all their doors and quizzed them before we bought the house)
It's such a wrench to leave somewhere you've been happy isn't it? But if you were capable of friendship and happiness there, you can do it in your new place too. It just might take a little time to spot the good eggs.
I'd pull that carpet up though... ike yours with someone else's bodily fluids on the flooring

[shockers]

My computer has gone daft...

[ShinyAndNew]

Blimey it sounds like you have more work than we had to when we bought this place!!!

To give you hope though, we are now almopst finished. And I love, love, love my new house. Its posh and modern and shiny and new

You will settle in and make the place your own. I never saw myself settling in here when Dh bought it and was dreading moving. But it is like a whole new house now and it feels more like my house than my previous rented house did because it is decorated to my taste and I chose the furniture.

[ShinyAndNew]

Oh if you haven't already done it, put your family photos up, now. Even if you just have to lean them against walls, while you wait for them to be hung. It made me feel more at home.