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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel that some people are too concerned with what others are doing.........

28 replies

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 15/10/2009 15:09

.......and should maybe spend some more time looking at their own lives ??

It just really frustrates me when some people come on here & proceed to tell other mum's that their style of parenting is completely wrong just because it's not their style of parenting.

When I joined MN, I thought it was a place where I could get advice and make some 'cyber friends', but it is becoming more & more apparent that some people just seem to like putting others down.

AIBU ??

OP posts:
BrokkenHarted · 15/10/2009 15:12

Well you poked your nose into 'Am I Being Unreasonable'

What did you think you would find here?

Original poster
ChunkyMonkeysMum · 15/10/2009 16:15

I didn't "poke my nose in". I thought the whole point of AIBU was to offer an opinion, not tell others that their way of parenting is wrong !!

OP posts:
skinsl · 15/10/2009 16:22

I agree.
I can't believe how judgemental and unhelpful some people are. I'm quite new and came on here just to look for advice or reassurance that i am doing ok. i do feel that a lot of women/mothers are very superior, but sadly I think that's life. In my experience, plenty of people pretend to be interested when really they dont listen to you at all.
There is plenty of advice wanted/given in AIBU, don't think you are poking your nose in!!

texasghouldem · 15/10/2009 16:22

I do sort of agree with you but mainly just in the AIBU thread do I think this happens.

I read some posts where I think the OP sounds like they are genuinely asking for advice/help on a subject but just because they have posted in AIBU, they end up getting some pretty harsh replies. I read one recently where the poor OP asked for the thread to be deleted as she felt others were having a go at her for the way she spent her money . I was actually going to start a thread in AIBU on Sunday but was scared that I was going to get flammed

colditz · 15/10/2009 16:23

no, the point of "Am I being unreasonable" is to tell people whether or not you think they are being unreasonable.

If that wasn't the point, it would be entitled "Make friends with me please"

AMumInScotland · 15/10/2009 16:24

Well, if someone's opinion is that their way of parenting is wrong, then they are entitled to express that, aren't they?

Since all your most recent posts seem to be in AIBU, you must be aware that people posting on those threads are less inhibited about giving an honest opinion, when they might put things more tactfully in other topics.

Morloth · 15/10/2009 16:25

Another one? Have we got a bunch of new people or something?

It is call "Am I Being Unreasonable?" if you don't want to hear "Yes, you are and here is why..." then don't ask.

elmofan · 15/10/2009 16:46

i think if you post in AIBU then you have to expect some people to disagree with you , but sometimes AIBU turns nasty , when this happens i just leave the thread .

texasghouldem · 15/10/2009 16:52

I agree with elmofan - most of the AIBU threads I have read are great and give good honest opinions but there have been a few that turn nasty.

Morloth - I joined about 4 months ago, does that make me 'new' and really does it matter when someone joined?

roneef · 15/10/2009 16:53

AIBU is a bit harsh at times..but it's important to have open debate.

Morloth · 15/10/2009 16:57

I meant that just recently (like in the last week or so) there has been a noticeable increase in the Complaining about AIBU threads.

skinsl · 15/10/2009 16:58

You don't have to be nasty when you are telling someone you disagree with them.

texasghouldem · 15/10/2009 17:01

oh right sorry! Its not that I don't like the AIBU threads, I look through them when I get a chance to MN, I just sometimes feel that some of the responses can turn the thread around completely and some are quite harsh. But then I suppose as you say that is why it is called AIBU. I've just not been brave enough to post in it.

Morloth · 15/10/2009 17:04

Tone is hard to get across and one person's blunt speaking is another's nastiness.

Personally I think women spend so much time biting their tongues and putting on a show for people that it is good to let it all out and have a shouting match.

If the board was called "Please help me, I am confused and don't know what to do..." then it would be different.

mrsruffallo · 15/10/2009 17:08

YABU

mrsruffallo · 15/10/2009 17:09

The point of AIBU is give an opinion. Sometimes that opinion will be that you are wrong!

texasghouldem · 15/10/2009 17:24

yip I agree that tone can be hard to get across without obviously speaking face to face.

Some people may read it differently than others.

Ladyanonymous · 15/10/2009 17:53

Ooooohhhh I love putting people down it makes me feel so much better about my crap parenting

Seriously though...if you are going to post on a net forum you have to have a thick skin and take with a pinch of salt what people post...??

LeonieBooCreepy · 15/10/2009 17:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Jamieandhismagictorch · 15/10/2009 18:00

I think new posters should be advised to post serious problems on other topic boards. I don't think AIBU is really suitable for people who are in emotional distress. If that is you, go to Relationships, Parenting or Behaviour/Development.

Personally I find the honesty on AIBU refreshing and thought-provoking, but some people can be unjustly rude.

2rebecca · 15/10/2009 18:00

Yes, don't get why some people are so huffy about others' lifestyle choices.
I think if you post asking for opinions you expect a variety and some will tell you your way is wrong.
It's the "the attitude/action of this person really annoyed me" type posting when the other person's action didn't impinge on the poster in any way I find odd. Life's too short to get wound up about other people's decisions re food they eat, child rearing/ clothing choice etc.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 15/10/2009 18:02

BTW, OP, I didn't mean you, when I said "you", it was meant more as general advice. .

Original poster
ChunkyMonkeysMum · 15/10/2009 18:06

I don't think anyone has to be nasty to get their point across though do they ?

A lot of people are to quick to say "Get a life" or "Get over yourself" or "I think Mum's who do XXX are cold & hard" etc etc.

There really isn't any need for it IMO.

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 15/10/2009 18:09

Chunky sadly, some people do, but I still think they are in the minority.

Morloth · 15/10/2009 18:09

ChunkyMonkeysMum "There really isn't any need for it IMO."

Clearly there is in their opinion and that is what AIBU deals with, opinions.