to ask reception teacher to filter books about dads when my daughter can't see hers

[adjaegham]

My daughter is subject to a contact order and until it's resolved she doesn't have contact with her dad (he drinks and was violent in front of her). The last two books have been about 'dad's birthday' and '6 in a bed' where mum and dad are happily in bed when the other kids jump in.

I asked for books to be filtered because they are not relevant to her family life at present until the case is over.

The teacher said if that was the case my daughter couldn't take part and be 'excluded' from group reading and i must understand she has to read them as part of the curriculeum. I did point out that she needs to be sensitive towards her needs just for a month or so & the teacher is aware of the fact I am a single parent and court case etc.

The teacher annoyed me because having spoke up she was unsympathetic. As a governor at another school early years is about understanding kids families & not creating stereotypes.....

When I was seven there was a girl in my class whose father died, following a long illness. When we were doing a father's day card, she began to cry. Our teacher told her not to be silly. I remember this every father's day! I'd like to think that if i was a reception teacher, I'd have given you a sympathetic hearing and tried to be aware of her home situation when setting work. Especially with such a small class.

DD has never met her father - she's now 8 and is accepting of the situation.

Whilst it can be hard when children are making Father's Day cards or talking about their daddies, it's something that you just have to deal with. For DD, it can occasionally be sad that she doesn't see her father. For the most part, though, it's not something we dwell on.

In all honesty, too, I really don't think that reading books with fathers in them makes any difference to her in the slightest. Nor does watching a TV show where there's a father. Or going to friends' houses where there are two parents.

I really wouldn't worry about the book thing - children are very resiliant!

I'm working on a booklist for a child, aged five, who is adopted and finding the concept difficult. (And finding it hard to find books about adopted boys - lots about girls, children from other countries, bunnies, dragons...)So I do think books are great at helping children to understand their own lives. And that a bit of sensitivity can help if needed. (I also knew a child who announced to everyone that she had no daddy, I realise everyone is different, even five year olds!)

I see you have thought this over and changed your mind. As various posters have pointed out, all reading is going to exclude someone- you don't realise how much of what is happy and natural for your own child excludes somebody else. My dd is in a wheelchair, her class contains two girls from different families who have recently lost their mums, probably one or two who have lost siblings, ds has just found out he has a lifelong medical condition...it's endless. There can't be a totally safe subject around.

Hi,

I think you are being a tiny bit unreasonable and maybe projecting your feelings onto DD a bit?

My DS aged 3 and I live in a different country from my ex(DS's Dad that is).

My ex does not behave in anyway like a father, and my DS is fine with this, he asked to make a fathers day card for his grandpa at playgroup.

DS says he has 3 Daddy's, his Uncle, my DP (who doesn't live with us) and Daddy - he thinks 'Daddy' is what you call family members who aren't Mummy, Auntie, Grandma or grandpa.

I wouldn't ever exclude DS from learning about different types of families, and with the very best will in the world it is possible you'll meet somone lovely in the future and you'll be wanting to introduce a stepdad into your family.

Good luck with the court case, we're 2 years in with no sign of an end for similar reasons and I know how tough it is.

xMad

I think YANBU in your expectations of sensitivity on the part of the teacher, and sad you were disappointed by her lack of empathy. I find it hard to believe there is one list of required books, all of which must be read, regardless of the children's circumstances. Is there no room at all for substitutions or letting your DD do the daddy themed books another time? This isn't just a case of absence, but drinking and violence in front of the DD. Professional evaluators have decided there should be no contact between the child and her father.

Agree with Fennel. It is for you to filter books rather than for the school.