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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

taking a 2-week old baby to the ballet?

89 replies

AKMD · 14/10/2009 14:08

Before you scream "YES, YAB SO U!"...

The PILs booked tickets for them, DH and me to go to the ballet two weeks after I'm due to give birth. This was done before I got pregnant and is a very big deal to them as the tickets are expensive and it's for my MIL's birthday, so I'm willing to tough out the tiredness bit of it. I am a first-time mum (i.e. clueless) and my plan is to take the baby in a sling and hope that she sleeps through it all. If she wakes up and starts to make a noise, I will take her out and stay out for as long as needed. The seats we have are in a row on their own with only 2 rows behind and right next to the exit, so exiting will cause minimal disturbance.

Am I being completely unrealistic in my expectations of a very small baby and being selfish etc. by wanting to take her at all and risking disturbing other people even a tiny bit, or does this sound ok?

The other option is for me to stay at home as I'm not comfortable with leaving such a small baby with anyone I know.

OP posts:
beaniesinthebucketagain · 14/10/2009 14:11

Not being the ballet kind of person i cant say yabu or yanbu as i dont know much about the setting, ive taken a baby to a chritmas performance at the theater and luckily he slept through, i did ring ahead and ask first though.

Have you considered the thought though that you may be overdue? And in fact still pregnant or in hospital, maybe you need to pre warn mil about that as if by some chance you were in labour you and dp would miss it.

lynniep · 14/10/2009 14:12

well the problem is it depends on baby! you wont know unti she is born. My DS was a crier and there was NO WAY ON EARTH I could have taken him to the ballet.

On the other hand, a good friend of mine has an 11 week old who spends pretty much 24 hours sleeping, that is when he's not feeding (and obviously he's still quiet then)

Its therefore very hard to say - in my experience though most first time mums may find it too much for them to cope with (you get very anxious leaving the comfort of home, never mind going to somewhere like the ballet) and its entirely possibly you really wont feel up to it, irrespective of babys temperament

motheroftwoboys · 14/10/2009 14:14

From my experience both as a mum of two and manager of a theatre - you are probably be unrealistic. Is there no way you could leave the baby with your mum or a close friend? Or could mum/friend not come with you to the theatre and bring the baby along and then sit in the coffee lounge or the bar and you could come out and feed the baby in the interval. Exiting a theatre ALWAYS causes disturbance no matter how careful you are and how much you try to be quiet. I know - I am always trying to creep in and out of mine.

NorktasticNinja · 14/10/2009 14:15

Well, you could try it I suppose. It's not something I'd even have considered but it does sound like special circumstances...

TBH you'll probably be likely to spend the whole evening feeding. If you aren't comfortable feeding in public that could be a problem, although it needn't be.

Will you have to travel far if you go?

alicet · 14/10/2009 14:16

I think this may be taken out of your hands by being in labour / hospital so I think it would be worth mentioning this to mil.

You may also have a horrendous delivery with loads of stitches meaning you can't actually sit down long enough to watch the ballet (hoping not but you never know!)

Thats all aside the baby. I would first check with the theatre that they will allow it as they may not.

But all above points aside I don't think there will be a problem with you taking the baby. At that age all they do is sleep and feed anyway so even if he / she is awake they will probably be feeding then go straight back to sleep. I wouldn't think twice if I saw someone with a tiny baby at the theatre / ballet etc BUT be prepared for some who might not be so open minded

clayre · 14/10/2009 14:16

pray for an easy birth as i was cut and re-stitched and there is no way i would have been able to sit all that time even a fortnight after the birth, but dd would have slept through it no problem.

islandofsodor · 14/10/2009 14:16

YABU unless it is a performance aimed at children.

I used to work in a classical concert and firstly for fire regs the baby would need a ticket, secondly if the baby is in a sling depending on the venue/size and layout of seats you might find there is not enough room and thirdly children were only allowed in the venue I worked if they did not disturb other patrons.

Heck, even an adult making too much noise would be asked to leave!

claricebeansmum · 14/10/2009 14:17

I think so. Like you say the tickets are expensive and it is a big deal for alot of people. I would not be best pleased sitting in my £200 seat and a baby started crying.

Cinema's have special mother and baby viewings for exactly this reason.

MrsBadger · 14/10/2009 14:17

yanbu
take her in a sling and if she squeaks feed her, if she howls take her out.

take a lot of nappies too, they have an unerring instinct for the least convenient time/place to poo.

diddl · 14/10/2009 14:18

I would say if you have baby when due, it might be more a case of how the birth was and how you are recovering than keeping a newborn quiet during a ballet.

I think you need to prepare your ILs for the possibility of you not being there.

CMOTdibbler · 14/10/2009 14:18

I'd go for staying at home, or at least setting the expectation that you may very well be doing so. You might only just have given birth, had stitches and be v uncomfortable sitting down, still be bleeding lots etc.

And it would be disturbing to other people to be going in and out tbh

sunfleurs · 14/10/2009 14:19

If all goes well for you at the birth then I would say yes. In a sling, close to you your baby should be fine. I have had two and I wouldn't have been worred about doing this. Neither of mine were particularly screamy babies in the first couple of weeks, just wanted to feed and sleep.

In the event though I had 2 CS's and didn't leave the house for weeks afterwards, so could never have done this.

ParisFrog · 14/10/2009 14:19

Please don't. Even what you call minimal disturbance - baby starts crying, you hush him, he still cries, you get up and leave - will disturb almost the entire audience, especially if it happens at a very quiet moment of the ballet. Even the quietest noise (e.g. a whisper or rustle of a sweet packet) carries during a ballet.

Also, how often would you be prepared to get up and leave? Ballets can last over 2 hours, and if he calms once you're outside, will you go back in again? (if the stewards let you). Then will you get back up again and go out if he cries again?

It's bad timing but that's life. Ballet tickets are almost always sold out and I'm sure your PIL could sell the places without any problem if you all decide to miss it.

pagwatch · 14/10/2009 14:20

TBH I think YABU.
The people around you will similarly have made a huge committment to the night. they will have paidfor the tickets, hired babysitters and anticipated the evening.
I am only just reaching the point where I think DD will be able to go and she is 7.

For many performances you are not allowed to enter after the start as the potential to destroy a key moment is huge.The chances of your baby waking up and crying and you disturbing everyone by struggling out is pretty huge.

What do the PILs say.
If I had bought tickets pre the arrival of a baby I would contact them and see if I could unload the tickets and do the treat another time - probably when I could babysit for them.
If it is a London production you should be able to sell on the tickets

SingingBear · 14/10/2009 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Pyrocanthus · 14/10/2009 14:20

You might be being unrealistic about having a 2 week-old baby - you might have a slightly older one, or you may still be pregnant!

It will depend on how you, the baby and the feeding are getting on, and you can't possibly be sure until the time comes. Please don't feel pressured into doing it if you're not comfortable about it though; it's a shame about the timing, but I'm sure your PILs will be more thrilled to have a grandbaby than upset about the ballet.

OrangeFish · 14/10/2009 14:22

I think is unrealistic, let them enjoy the ballet and join them afterwards.

IME taking a small baby to the supermarket after 7 will give you a lot of judgemental comments/ sneers from strangers. Taking a small baby to the theatre... well, I suspect you will be made to feel unwelcome in the space even if the baby doesn't cry.

It is not the cinema, I'm afraid..

squeaver · 14/10/2009 14:22

Sounds like you wouldn't be able to anyway.

But what if you're overdue? What if you have a cs and can't/don't want to get out and about?

What are your PILs saying about it? Is there another family member who can go instead?

islandofsodor · 14/10/2009 14:22

You DO need to ask the venue I agree. Many will have no under 2's, no under 3's etc rules.

FABIsInTraining · 14/10/2009 14:23

Would you chose to go? Really?

TBH I think it is unfair for your MIL to put pressure on you. It is only money in the great scheme of things.

You might not have had the baby, you might have to have a section, you might be so knackered you can't see straight.

Your MIL needs to know that you might not be able to go.

pagwatch · 14/10/2009 14:24

sorry - that was very regionist of me. I only used London in the context of the nearest big production venue to me.

If it is a good quality production at a good venue you should be able to offload.

The points Paris Frog makes are good ones.
The productions are loonng and if you go out you may well have to stay in the foyer for the rest of the evening as entry after curtain is often not allowed.

choccyp1g · 14/10/2009 14:25

The thing is if baby even whimpers, no matter how quickly you leave, it will disturb other people, and they probably won't let you back in. Then the new GPs will be distracted as well, wondering if all is OK.
If you are lucky enough to have your own parents still around, would they be interested to go instead of you and DH? Could be a great new grandparent bonding experience for them.

islandofsodor · 14/10/2009 14:25

We used to have certain entry points. You could get in after the overture if you were late but then not again until the interval.

Undercovamutha · 14/10/2009 14:26

What does your MIL and DH think about this? Surely your MIL wouldn't expect you to go?

I don't think you are necessarily BU, as it COULD be feasible, but I really think this will be the last thing on your mind when you have a tiny newborn. I just wouldn't have wanted the stress when my DCs were that little. If I were you I would revel in the fact that you actually have a VERY good excuse for staying at home in your dressing gown. I personally think it would be enough of a gift to your MIL to be ok about your DH going out in the evening and leaving you with a LO that young (evenings are very often the worst time!).

alicet · 14/10/2009 14:28

Have to say I think I would have been hysterical at the thought of having to do this with either of my 2 boys for entirely different reasons. The exhaustion is unlike anything you can possibly imagine (although sometimes better in the first couple of weeks before they start to 'wake up' properly.

Although I would stand by my earlier post that if you really really want to go I think you could possibly manage i actually think you might be better off telling ils straight that it is very unlikely that you will manage. better the disappointment for them now when at least they will be able to find someone else to go with them / sell the tickets that raising their hopes only to cry off at the last minute for any number of reasons.

How about you go for an early dinner with them before the performance with baby in tow (who will very likely sleep in pushchair / pram and even if not a baby being unsettled in a restaurant early evening is not so disruptive (assuming you don't pick a ridiculously over formal restaurant of course). If you don't even feel up to this I would say that the timing is unfortunate and that once your baby is old enough for you to be happy to leave her you will have a belated celebration with them