taking a 2-week old baby to the ballet?

[AKMD]

Before you scream "YES, YAB SO U!"...

The PILs booked tickets for them, DH and me to go to the ballet two weeks after I'm due to give birth. This was done before I got pregnant and is a very big deal to them as the tickets are expensive and it's for my MIL's birthday, so I'm willing to tough out the tiredness bit of it. I am a first-time mum (i.e. clueless) and my plan is to take the baby in a sling and hope that she sleeps through it all. If she wakes up and starts to make a noise, I will take her out and stay out for as long as needed. The seats we have are in a row on their own with only 2 rows behind and right next to the exit, so exiting will cause minimal disturbance.

Am I being completely unrealistic in my expectations of a very small baby and being selfish etc. by wanting to take her at all and risking disturbing other people even a tiny bit, or does this sound ok?

The other option is for me to stay at home as I'm not comfortable with leaving such a small baby with anyone I know.

[OrangeFish]

I'm also thinking that that considering you may still be a mess after birth, the sleeepless nights, etc. There is a good likelyhood that you may also fall asleep while you are in the theatre. You know, sleeping baby, darkness and some nice music in the background... I'm sure my body will have a huge problem to resist the need for a nap.

[alicet]

orangefish makes an excellent point about you going to sleep! in fact i went to the theatre last week and struggled to stay awake in the dark and warm atmosphere even though mine are 2 and 3!!!!

[Earlybird]

No, you shouldn't do it. The ballet is not a place for a baby. Even if the baby is very good, you will be distracted and unable to give the performance your full attention. And if the baby isn't quiet, you will disturb those who are looking forward to a 'big' (and expensive) night out.

Celebrate MIL's birthday in some other way. Let them use the ticket purchased for you to invite someone else (or another couple if your dh chooses not to go too).

[Pyrocanthus]

I slept through a George Clooney film when mine were little. DH felt that he had to stay awake for once to justify the cost of the tickets.

[NorbertDentressangle]

I wouldn't want to go if I were in your shoes.

1. I would be on edge waiting to calm the baby if they made a squeak/cry.

1. I wouldn't like the "looks" from other members of the audience (OK I'm presuming a lot here but I would bet my bottom dollar there will be negative looks and comments from some)

1. From memory, sitting for any length of time for those couple of weeks after giving birth was not ideal, let alone in theatre seats.

4.I would much rather be snuggled up on the comfy sofa or bed at home with my newborn baby

Ultimately though you may feel completely different when the time comes, or even still be pregnant and can arrange to be induced the following day

[IdrisTheDragon]

When is the performance? How pregnant are you now?

When DS was two weeks old I was basically a quivering wreck. Breastfeeding was very painful and I hated doing it (did get better though ) so the idea if just feeding him wouldn't have filled me with joy.

With both DS and DD their worst times of day were early evening. They would wail, want to feed, not want to feed, suck Dh's finger, I would burst into tears a lot and basically not be at my best!

You could have a few days old baby or you could have a month old baby. Personally I would say it is unlikely you will go to the ballet - if I had made it out and then ended up sitting outside through the performance I would have felt very sad and probably resentful of everyone else.

[MorrisZapp]

Don't go. It's not fair on you for a start, but at least you have a choice. The other people there don't have a choice about having their highly prized and anticipated evening of wonderful entertainment interrupted by a baby.

The person BU here is surely your MIL and indeed your DH if he thinks it's a fair request to go to a formal night out with a 2 week baby?

May I respectfully ask what planet these people are on?

It's your MILs birthday? Big whoop - she's had loads of them and will no doubt have many more.

Say no, for the love of god.

[Undercovamutha]

I once sat through a 3 hour opera, which too late I discovered had no interval, when I was 8 months pregnant. And I was in the cheap seats. This was for a family members birthday, and it was one of the most uncomfortable and miserable 3 hours EVER!
One piece of invaluable advice: PUT YOURSELF FIRST! If you don't do it when you are pregnant/have a newborn you will NEVER do it!

[diddl]

Is it a ballet that you are interested in seeing?

If not,use new baby/possible bad birth now as a get out!

That said, I both my births were easy with no pain relief or stitches.

Could easily have gone out with a 2 wk old.

(Although might have dozed off)

[Tambajam]

First time baby? It's quite likely you will go overdue and may have given birth only days before.
It's also quite likely you'll still be getting to grips with feeding and nappy changing and those things will likely have to happen at the ballet.
You may even be quite physically sore and uncomfortable yourself (or perhaps not).
Noises will happen and you'll likely spend a long time staring at a nice carpet in a hallway.

There are so many impossible-to-says.

And it's one of those things that will haunt you for the next few weeks. The pregnant brain and the especially the overdue-firstime-mum pregnant brain can do cruel things and I guarantee you'll have your 'ballet' bag packed before your hospital bag. The consideration of 'how many nappies to take to the ballet?' will have you open-eyed at 3am.

I just wouldn't bother assuming you will go. The ideal scenario is that someone else is around who might be able to take the ticket but won't mind hearing at the last minute. You may not know until THAT day if you feel up to it. Your DH has to explain to the ILs this is the reality. I am hoping that your MIL she would benefit from you getting this right.

Some 2 wk olds would quietly snooze in a sling. Others will be mid-growth spurt nightmare, cluster feeding and screaming. Do you know what percentage of first time mums give birth before or on their due date?

[starwhoreswonaprize]

You are being very unrealistic to even think of going, but you're both pregnant and expecting your first and so all is forgiven.

I think you will be physically and emotionally exhausted and will want to do quiet, relaxing things with your baby like sleep or watch him/her sleep, breath, poo and eat!! There's also bfing to get to grips with, with my first I would want to practically get my whole breast out to ensure the latching on was right.

It's lovely of you to want to do it but now you need to explain to everyone why you can't be there.

Also I would be very judgey if I saw a tiny baby at the ballet and if I had to hear one.

[CatIsSleepy]

there's no way i'd have gone to the ballet 2 weeks after either of my dds were born-sitting on the sofa in my pjs was the most I could manage! had some evenings at this stage where was feeding non-stop too,and it was blooming painful-not an experience I'd want to share with a theatre full of people...

[theyoungvisiter]

I don't think it would work.

1. I very much doubt the venue will let you in with a newborn
   
2. It's not fair to the other audience members as you have no idea if/when the baby will start up.
   
3. It's too much to put yourself through, given you may have given birth only days before.
   
   Neither of my babies were criers, but even the quietest baby snuffles, grunts, burps, poos, whimpers and slurps when feeding. And there's NOTHING so sudden and piercing as a newborn baby's cry - to hear that ringing through the auditorium would be enough to put even the most confident dancer off their stroke and might disrupt the whole performance.
   
   Also tiredness may well be the least of your worries. If you have any kind of complication (tear, stitches, episiotomy, CS) then you may well not be able to physically sit for three hours, or breastfeed in an upright position.
   
   You have no idea when you will give birth or how easy/hard the labour will be. Please, give yourself a break and tell MIL that while you would love to be there, you don't want your newborn to spoil the evening and you will take her to a matinee some other time.

[theyoungvisiter]

btw have you actually talked to your MIL about this? If she has any memory of her own labours/births then I am willing to bet she will be the first to tell you not to come!

Early pre-show dinner with the inlaws is a good idea as others have suggested. As long as you are there beforehand celebrating with them, does it really matter if you are not 2 seats down in a darkened auditorium where they can't even see/hear you anyway? A shop manniquin in your seat would give the same effect

[merrymonsters]

I took DD and her older brothers to a pantomime when she was 1 month old. It was a panto so noise didn't matter and she was breastfed so she was mostly feeding or asleep.

I wouldn't take a baby to normal theatre or ballet because any noise would annoy people. You'll probably also be too tired even if your baby isn't late.

I think your inlaws should look for someone else to use the tickets.

You're also right. You won't want to leave such a small baby. Stay at home.

[Bramshott]

Can't your PIL invite a couple of friends to go with them instead?

Or as someone else suggested, if you really want to go, take someone with you who will site out in the bar/foyer area (there will probably be an upstairs bar or something) with the baby, and text you (phone on silent) if you're really needed.

[Stigaloid]

I think you are being unrealistic more than unreasonable. At 2 weeks past due date you could actually be giving birth if you are a first time mum because EDD are just that - estimated. Not only that, you have no idea how your birth will go - i doubt they would be offended at you and your DH not attending - does DH have a brother or sister who could go instead?

[Stigaloid]

Also some theatres have a strict 'no under 3's policy' - they may not even allow you through the door with a baby - you should check!

[nicefleece]

Why on earth hasn't your DH said no to your
MIL?

If DH has said up to you then he is not being fair - he should make the decision for you and tell MIL

It will be horrid!

I would be really cross if you sat next to me!

[Bicnod]

I couldn't actually sit on a chair for about 5 weeks after giving birth (stitches. lots of them) so the ballet wouldn't have been an option for me - you may be a little unrealistic thinking you'll be happy to be out and about so soon to be honest.

[OrangeFish]

Do you think that AKMD has now been convinced she shouldn't go, and we all are getting her a bit scared with postbirth doom we never knew existed before we had our children? It seems to me she has not come back to the thread since the OP...

[WhereYouLeftIt]

Setting aside how you'll feel and what the baby might be like -

Have you even spoken to your PILs about this? These plans were laid before you were regnant, are they really still in place?

You seem to be worrying about them - "is a very big deal to them as the tickets are expensive and it's for my MIL's birthday", but do you really think they expect you to go still? Maybe the arrival of a GC is a bigger deal to them.

A night at the ballet is more than just watching the dancing. It's the transport, the pre-performance drinks, the interval, the post-performance meal. There is a huge difference between four adults doing this and then throwing a newborn in to the mix. Have you considered that your PILs might not have such a good time either if baby goes too?

You need to talk to your PILs. I'd doubt they expect the ballet plans to be unchanged, you are probably worrying yourself over nothing.