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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say no to my dh because he wants to go out with his mates on my birthday ?

17 replies

begentle · 12/10/2009 17:42

Usually I dont make a big deal out of my birthday but this year its on a friday so I tought we could go out as we didnt since new year'eve ! Today he told me one of his mate is in town and he is gathering everybody (boys night)...I would have been more than happy to postpone our night out on the saturday but I know how he is, he is going to have a massive hangover on the sat and it's no way he is going to be fit enough to go out on sat evening..I know by experience ! I cant help feeling guilty as this guy who comes in town leaves abroad so it s a rare opportunity to see him. Please help me reaching a decision !!!

OP posts:
spookyrookie · 12/10/2009 17:45

Well if he doesn't go out that often I would be tempted to let him go out with his friends and book something for the following Friday.

Shame about your birthday but why don't you try to go out together as a couple a bit more often.

diddl · 12/10/2009 17:48

If he doesn´t see his friend very often, I think I´d say OK to that.

See if you can persuade him not to go too mad on the friday, so that you can go out on the sat.

If not, surely it´ll keep until the next weekend?

Original poster
begentle · 12/10/2009 17:48

You are right spooky, we didnt go out so much this year because we are tired..maybe we could go out the week before my birthday or after...it's just he doesnt seem enthusiastic of doing anything with me..well I shouldnt force things...Thanks spooky !

OP posts:
pippa251 · 12/10/2009 17:49

let him go- but tell him he can make it up to you- I'd rather have a very greatful DH than a resentful sulky one

RainRainGoAway · 12/10/2009 17:49

A gentle YABU.

I would feel so sad if I wasn't going to be able to go out with my friends if one of them was going abroad.

I think you need to let him go and tell him that you will expecting him to be in a fit state on the Sat night. Find a loud klaxon you will be able to sound off in his ear if he has a massive hangover!

Original poster
begentle · 12/10/2009 17:50

diddl-yes you are right too, I'll be really a bitch if I dont let him go...bit its the second time that happened and we didnt do anything last year and it was my 30th ! Yes actually the same thing happened last year...

OP posts:
RainRainGoAway · 12/10/2009 17:51

How about the following weekend, and he could make it a biggie!

MmeGoblindt · 12/10/2009 17:53

I do understand him wanting to see his friend who lives abroad, but saying that we live in Switzerland and I would not expect a friend to leave their partner alone on their birthday just because I was over on holiday.

It sounds like it is about more than just one evening, if he does not make the effort to spend an evening with you very often.

How old are your DC?

Jamieandhismagictorch · 12/10/2009 17:55

How did he approach you about this boys night out ?

Was he apologetic ? Did he check if it would be OK ?

Generally speaking I'd say let him go, if it's a one-off type thing with his friends, but i note you feel that he doesn't seem keen to go out with you.

Under your circumstances, I'd be pissed off if there was no acknowledgment from my DH that i might have a view on him going out, and I'd expect him to make an effort about your birthday in some way

Jamieandhismagictorch · 12/10/2009 17:57

Hmm, cross-posted with you. Is this part of a pattern - him not considering your feelings ?

busybutterfly · 12/10/2009 17:58

YANBU for feeling like that (but you'll be the bigger person if you let him go without a fuss and I'm sure he'll make it up to you!)

It's my birthday Thurs and DH taking DCs to farm with some of his mates too - am choosing to think it's so I get a break
(as I haven't been invited )

Lotkinsgonecurly · 12/10/2009 17:59

Go out on the Thursday and make sure he has a huge hangover on Friday

Jamieandhismagictorch · 12/10/2009 18:00

Do you think he'll make it up to you begentle ?

curiositykilled · 12/10/2009 18:07

If his mate is around and lives abroad surely he'll be there on Saturday night too? He's hardly going to come from abroad for one night is he? Couldn't he go out on your birthday with you and then go out on the Saturday night with his friend?

Original poster
begentle · 12/10/2009 18:09

Thanks for your answers ! I think for now I'm going to let him go, hoping he'll make it up to me..Our dcs are 5 and 2 (really hard work) I'm a cm which means I'm full time with them and the week end is precious to me as dan take them swimming, park, etc but if its one off ?? I dont want to be a bitch, I just wish he was taking me out and happy to do so, birthday or not

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 12/10/2009 18:15

You aren't being a bitch. I hope he appreciates you. Happy Birthday

bluejeans · 12/10/2009 18:24

Let him go, reschedule for another week and invite the girls/your mum/sister round on Friday night and have some really nice food and a few glasses of wine?

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