My MIL is in Dublin, and was widowed 8 years ago. Since her husband's death, she has effectively stopped living. She is very low, no longer works and spends a lot of her time at the doctors with various complaints. It is obvious to everyone that she is a very unhappy, lonely lady. If my DH or his brother try to talk to her about maybe going back to work, or seeking some help for her sadness, she becomes very defensive. Over the years, we have had a rocky relationship, so I couldn't really bring this up myself without there being fireworks.
Every year since my FIL passed, we have invited her for christmas. She always declines, and for the first few years we travelled back. For the last few years, however, we have stayed at home over christmas and asked both families to us (we have travelled a lot over the years, and now that the children are a bit older would rather Santa visited at our home, IYSWIM. Logistics can be a pig ) My BIL always spends christmas day with MIL, and she generally spends the day in tears. They don't have a christmas dinner or tree or anything, and she refuses to visit anyone. As a result, BIL's fiance spends christmas with her own family, and everyone is miserable.
Now, if this was my mother, I would by now have had a serious chat with her, and used a few tough love tactics. I am very tempted this year to buy MIL a flight over to us on Boxing Day as her Christams present (I would love for her to come for Christmas day, but was trying to reach a compromise IYSWIM?) That way, she might be more inclined to visit, see the children, and take part in making some new, happy memories. I know that DH would love for her to come over and enjoy the kids and get caught up in the excitement. So, AIBU to do this? (With DH and BIL on side, naturally)