Not to pay this bill?

[BobbingForPeachys]

OK this is more wwyd but I wanted wider feedback than just SN forum (although that is useful also).

Basically, ds1 (9) has ASD and a part of that is a total inability to organise himself. He has charts at school (mainstream) and home for what to take but every day he still manages to lose something between school gate and classroom.

DS1 has school dinners, that is often the only meal he eats so I don't want him to change to sandwiches. I had a bill and sarky note home Friday demanding payment as the money is not appearing at school. It certainly isn't coming home again, and he has it at the school gates.

AIBU to say no? I'm on carer's allowance, I can't afford to pay almost £4 a day for a lunch. I ensure the money reaches school, at which point they take over loco parentis.

Or should I just pay up and accept I have to bring him homoe for lunch each day (meaning I have to cancel respite provision that we buy in for ds4 as that would mean I wasn't around for picking one or other up).

He says the money goes from his bag and he has had things stolen before, but knowing him he is losing it.

He is statemented and receives a fair bit of school support but for some reason this one just gers shunted back at me. I'm not sure why I should have to pay double when it is caused A) by his disability; and B) them not dealing with the issue, or even recognising it as a problem.

Feedback please?

My first uni had a very similar system - the mind boggles at 18 year olds being given dinner money by their parents though...

Thanks all. Off to bed now )or rather to try settle the boys.....) but will have to sort something. I have got very battle weary lately and always wonder if I should just give up, but all giving up possibilities here involve self punishment- financial pain or no respite.

My son has Asperger's and takes a cheque in. Sometimes I've found several cheques in his bag, where he's not handed them in, but at least it hasn't cost me anything.

The etacher wasnt about today (in fairness she is good, just has a lot to do in the morning) so I ahd to write it in the book;ds1 says it is being stolen but stolen is something that hs been claimed a great many timesover the years!

DS2 was being bullied recently and they were great- he was having his lunch taken and they stepped on it immeiately. I do think the SENCO is exhausted though, there's a pile of quite important things we've been waiting on for a while- such as a letter for GP for ds2'sreferral to Paed.

Have sent him in with a purse with a string around his neck (not certain it will pass the no necklaces rule) and exact money as they have been impounding the change each day according to ds1 (we thought he was taking it)

In this instance I would pay the bill this once and then I would write to the head/class teacher and state the following

"I am going to deliver my son's dinner money in his named purse to the school office every morning for safe keeping. He will collect it for lunctime each day. As part of his SN he cannot keep it safe himself. You have told me I cannot pay in advance so this is my only option."

The he can collect it before going to the canteen.

It sounds a ridiculous system to have at a primary school tbh, i teach primary and I am sure he is not the only one who is bringing bills home. Purses in school everyday is a very bad idea imo whether children have special needs or not.

I am thinking of paying this bill but they will have to wait a week or so- regardless of it ebing a small amount of money, my income is assigned when it coms in and as it has been an expensive month (and the MOT is tomorrow) they will ahve to wait; as part of that was ordering from their Chriostmas project then they need to see itc an't work all ways.

however its a ridiculously affluent school so they probably have no idea we are on a low income- they know DH is a student and I am on carers but many aprents are funded in p[art by their parents so they probably assume.

If they have billed you now then they obviously have the facility to bill you! I think you need to pay in cash each week and the school need to sort it out with the company that provides the dinners. I'm sure they can work out how to pay an invoice

How long has this been going on for? It's not clear from your email if they are expecting you to pay for a whole month's worth of lunches or just a day or two...

Can you throw it back in their faces and ask why they haven't raised it with you before if they know your ds has SN and it's an issue for them if they don't get the money rather than letting it go on for so long.

It sounds like they have a book system for writing notes so could easily have jotted something in there much earlier on.

And also see what they propose as a solution given that their current system obviously isn't working for your son - whether or not you pay a week in advance/arrears, or say that he has the money when he goes in and that they are responsible for it once he is on school property, or wait to be billed - something needs to change for your son.

Can you ask school to formally investigate where all the missing money has gone - to lose it once or twice from what you said sounds like it is par for the course but for it to be consistently only his money that is being lost over a longer period sounds like something different, whether or not he is giving to people, it's being stolen, he's inadvertantly dropping it when he gets changed for PE, all sorts of different scenarios but it needs to be figured out.

And also no harm in them knowing that, as the money went into school and hasn't paid for lunch, you want it back in order to pay for lunch. lots of people are keeping to a strict budget at the moment, nothing unreasonable in them asking for the money they haven't had but equally nothing unreasonable in you asking for the money back and to be unhappy at having to pay for the meals twice!

Good luck in getting it all sorted...