to ask neighbour to stop her DD asking my DD to come out and play?

[Undercovamutha]

My DD is (just) 3 and a little girl in her class (who is 5 - the class is a mixed age group class) keeps calling for her to come out and play.Our road is fairly quiet but it is a through road, and therefore you do sometimes get cars going too fast, and there are a lot of parked cars. DD has recently started playing out in the road as she is learning to ride her bike (before this she played only in our garden) . She LOVES playing outside and seeing the other children, and loves to see the little girl down the road from her class. Me or DH only let DD out in the road when we can constantly supervise her (we can't see the road properly from inside the house), and it is hard for me to find the opportunity more than once a day to stand in the road keeping an eye on her as I also have DS (6m) to look after.

The problem is my neighbours DD keeps coming to the door to ask DD to play in the street. I have tried asking them to play in our garden or in our house, but neighbours DD always wants to play in the street with the older children (8/9yo). If I say no (e.g. because I am cooking tea or feeding DS and can't supervise) DD has a HUGE tantrum and gets really REALLY upset, or even worse, just looks heartbreakingly sad - like her life is over!

I just wish neighbours DD would stop calling for my DD, so that we can stop all this unhappiness between DD and me. I am happy for them to play in the street together WHEN I can supervise.

AIBU and should I speak to my neighbour or just to the neighbours DD?

I'd be very clear with the 5 year old "either you play out in the street with the older girls or you play in the garden with DD. She's too young to come out". Maybe try to appeal to her as the older one? Make her feel like she's in cahoots with you to look after DD? Dunno, might work.

I would make something up like she is only allowed to play out on Thursdays and Saturdays.
But i do sympathise with you.I have spent many a long hour sitting out on the garden wall with a cup of tea watching the DC play out !

Just don't answer the door.

I'm with Peaches, you should tell the other child that your DD is too young to play out (I have similar problems in my street although my DSs are now - thankfully - old enough to play out there). If she still keeps knocking then perhaps I would have a word with your neighbours and maybe arrange a permanent playdate once or twice a week where the girls can play in the garden or you can supervise them in the street. I'm sure they'll understand, they probably wouldn't have let their DD out unsupervised at 3 either.

I'd be inclined to be truthful with the neighbours and say that although you are not disputing their ideas on parenting you feel that DD is too young to play outside unsupervised by you or DH and that their invitations, kind as they are, are causing upset in your house so you are telling them politely not to carry on asking.

I can see that it is potentially awkward as they could have thought it perfectly ok for their child to play alone in the street at age 3 and permitted her to do so and you might risk causing offence by expressing an alternative view. That said, if they are decent enough people they will respect how you feel but if they don't then thats not your problem... your priority is to do what YOU feel is right for YOUR child, not to appease neighbours who disagree.

If it helps, you're not alone - I wouldn't have dreamed of allowing my young children to play outside unsupervised either and although not all parents were in agreement with my view on the matter I maintained my stance and am still happy, now that my DDs are 12 and 14, that I did the right thing.

Make a time for her dd to come round & play but say to the other mum that your dd is only 3 & too small to play in the street so at other times she wont be out to play.

Thanks guys. I think my neighbour probably understands where I am coming from, and I actually think she also thinks my DD is too young to be playing in the street on her own. However, I don't think she is aware of how often her DD calls round. I have tried to talk to my DD today, to explain the situation, but she isn't really taking it in and keeps insisting that she just wants to play with her friend. I think I will just have to persevere and be the bad guy for a while!

Also agree with Peaches.

In effect, you have a 5yr old supervising a 3yr old!

I think it would be fine to have a chat with her mum

I know its not much in adult terms but there is a 2 year age gap between them which is a hell of a lot. Your dd is still very little and does need supervision when playing out. I would have a word with the mum or dad of the other dd and explain this.

no undercoveamutha however old you think you dd is, she wont understand as she is still little and wont really take it in.

say to the dd that she can come in and play with your dd or give her a time to come round but that unlike her she is still only little to play in the street.

I agree with peaches. Just reiterate the rules so that your dd and the 5 yr old don't get their hopes up. It is a pain but there is no simple way around it. This is very common.

I wouldn't talk to the parents. Soon enough, your dd will be old enough so I wouldn't want to start off with what might seem like a 'calling round' ban. But it's up to you.