Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To thnkthat 3 days isnt very long to wait for a thank-you?

23 replies

Marioandluigi · 10/10/2009 19:13

My Step-dad and me have had a straied relationship since he left my mum for OW to years ago, and has since got married.

Anyway, he sent DD a £5 and a card for her birthday, we picked it up from Mum's house on Sunday. I decided that this was obviously a peace offering and so I was going to send him a card with some pitures of the DC's. I ordered them from Photobox on Monday but they havent arrived yet. I was going to write a letter and put the cards in, rather than sending a message on FB or an email.

Today I notice on FB that he had put a status which I assume is about me, saying that I am up my own arse because I hadnt said thank-you. I didnt see this until today, but he put it on Tuesday evening, 2 days after I got the card.

Then, when I didnt see the status, he has put another one, calling me a shitstirrer.

I am so upset. AIBU or should I have sent an email sooner? I just thought email would be a bit cold.

OP posts:
Original poster
Marioandluigi · 10/10/2009 19:13

Sorry about the title, I am having problems with my keyboard

OP posts:
cornsilk · 10/10/2009 19:14

He sounds horrible.

allaboutme · 10/10/2009 19:15

are you sure they are about you?
its a bit odd to call someone a shit stirrer for not saying thank you. shit stirrer means someone who causes trouble by gossping etc..

just ignore facebook, presume its not about you (its probably not) and send card as and when it arrives as you were planning to.

LyraSilvertongue · 10/10/2009 19:16

We he sounds like he doesn't deserve any kind of a thank you now. What a pig.
Tbh though I would have sent a text or something within a day of getting the card.

PoppyIsApain · 10/10/2009 19:16

YANBU you know you are doing a kind thing he sounds very immature imo

peanutbutterkid · 10/10/2009 19:16

Hi -- how can U b sure the FB updates R about U?

WurzelBoot · 10/10/2009 19:20

I agree with both cornsilk and allaboutme. If he is referring to you he sounds horrible. Ignore and send the card as usual.

And you are a far, far better person than me - I have a real blindspot for sending thank you cards. I'm properly rubbish. Thankfully none of my family cares and I see most of them enough to know that me and the children are grateful. I'm equally as rubbish at remembering birthdays. One year I was pleased with myself for remembering my Sisters and posting a card in time. The day after I remembered it was also my Dad's. On the same day. Has been since she was born.

famishedass · 10/10/2009 19:22

why did he call you a shitstirrer?

Original poster
Marioandluigi · 10/10/2009 19:23

Basically he didnt tell my Mum he was getting married to OW, I told her in the end because he didnt have the bollocks to tell her himself, so he has slung the shit-stirring thing at me before. He sent me a flood of emails at the time, saying that I was bitter and nasty, and also jealous.

OP posts:
FABIsInTraining · 10/10/2009 19:23

If he is talking about you I wouldn't be sending any photos. A basic thank you would do.

QuintessentialShadowsOfDoom · 10/10/2009 19:40

I would send him a message on facebook, and say something like "Dear Pete, I have seen your comments on facebook, and I assume they refer to me, as you have just given dd a gift for her birthday. I had ordered some photographs of dd to enclose with the thank you card. I will send it as soon as I have them, unless you prefer a much quicker "thank you", in which case consider this it. Thank you for your generous gift for dds birthday."

PeedOffWithNits · 10/10/2009 20:05

TBH he is only your ex step dad and not a very pleasant one by the sound of it, so I would not go out of my way to get pics of the DC for him, or want them to have anything to do with him at all really

a blunt thank you email would do

lilygish · 10/10/2009 20:12

Send a letter it is more polite than an email and stop being so over sensitive

Longtalljosie · 10/10/2009 20:12

So he buggers off, and hurts your mum, and hasn't even got the balls to tell her he's marrying someone else, and then gets all holier than thou over a fiver?

There's someone who thinks far too much of themselves...

SardineQueen · 10/10/2009 20:16

Stop being oversensitive? Really?

Of course a couple of days is not long enough to get shirty about not receiving a thank you. Especially with the royal mail being what it is

He sounds like an arsehole.

WhereYouLeftIt · 10/10/2009 20:31

There is indeed someone up their own arse here but OP, it is not you. Do you really want this man to be a part of your life?
YANBU.

Dee78 · 10/10/2009 22:27

YANBU at all. I was just thinking how impressively organised you are. When my DS was born it took me over a month to get the thank you cards out and I didn't even have to wait for photo's - I am notoriously crap at stuff like this though.

Do you think he was trying to find a reason to have a go at you due to your strained relationship, as he seems a bit arsey to me, or has he always expected a response with thanks this quickly in the past?

Original poster
Marioandluigi · 10/10/2009 22:37

I think you are right Dee, he was just looking for a reason to kick off, I am still waiting for a thanks for the present I sent for his last birthday.

I think I am more upset that hefound the need to attack me of FB (it really is the route of all evil!) rather than email me etc. I am in the kind of mood where I feel like sending him a message which outlines exactly what I think, but I wont. Im taking the moral highground!

OP posts:
katiestar · 10/10/2009 22:41

Please don't do anything hasty.The comment on FB is probably not even about you and you'll look a right nana if you go in guns blazing !

ImSoNotTelling · 10/10/2009 22:48

I have got out of the whole facebook thing - cancelled my account.

I am much more relaxed now and guess what - I am still in touch with everyone I care about

oldraver · 10/10/2009 23:06

I'd send the fiver back to be honest

almostreal · 11/10/2009 01:18

YANBU
He sounds awful I would post him the card and £5 back with a note explain that you had actually planned to send him a thank you letter and photos of your DD but due to his terrible behavior you no longer want any contact with him as such a person isn't fit enough to be around small children.

picmaestress · 11/10/2009 09:44

I'm mystified why you're friends with him on facebook - why?
What sort of man puts passive aggressive attacks on family members in facebook status updates?! That's what 12 year old girls do, no?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page