to not want another sister

[slightlybitter]

My dear old Dad has very recently lost his beloved wife, the woman who stole him away from my mother fifteen years ago.

His wife had a young cousin who she looked upon as the daughter she never had although she has indeed got a mother and father of her own .

Since the passing of my dads wife the cousin has been going to stay with my dad a couple of days a week. He is now calling her his daughter and is buying her a car, giving her lots of money and house hunting with her.

Although myself and my brothers have offered to go and help it is only his new daughter that he wants.

Aibu to be a little bit put out by this or am I just bitter and twisted ?

My battery is running low on my laptop should I suddenly vanish.

It depends. Have you and your brothers not bothered with him for years because you didn't like his new wife and now she's dead and your his next of kin you want to know him

If the wife looked on cousin as daughter then naturally dad will as well. In practice it is his step-daughter.

If you have all had lots of contact then that seems a bit odd, I don't like favouritism.

If you have all been gone for the last 15 years, then it's not that surprising.

Need more info.

The cousin only started visiting once my dads wife became ill. I suppose it was we were my dads children and the cousin was the wifes child. I do feel very pushed out and wonder if he is just keeping the cousin close to remind him of his wife.

perhaps they are romantically attached

You haven't said or indicated that your relationship with your Dad has only become renewed since the loss of his 2nd wife so I'll assume that this isn't the case and say that no, YANBU. When someone we love is grieving and hurt naturally we want to help them and to have your offers rebuffed, no matter how kindly or politely or for what reason, must be very hurtful.

I can only think that your Dad needs to know you are there but must make his own decisions as if you contest them you may end up being accused of not understanding/being jealous etc. Let it ride - if, heaven forbid, the woman is taking advantage there is nothing you can do to make Dad see this, you can only be there when he realises that you do care and are there for him. In time your Dad will overcome this first stage of grief and be grateful that you are all still there for him.

famishedass do you know something we don't?

My relationship with my dad has always been good as I was his only girl. I do worry that she is taking advantage of him but then she was probably the only person who loved his wife as much as he did.

Maybe she wants to be wife number 3

Perhaps you have hit the nail on the head, slightlybitter. Perhaps it's a bit more difficult for him to express his grief around people who resented his late wife (I'm guessing)?

MsHighwater you are right, I did resent her but never let it show ( I don't think I did anyway)

Where is the money your dad is spending on her coming from? Might it be from his late wife's life insurance or something similar? If so, it makes sense for him to spend it on her cousin rather than his children who didn't like their stepmother.

The money he is spending comes from savings they both had I believe.