To make my husband spend Christmas away from me and dc's?

[tummytickler]

OK, I am preparing myself - I probably abu but what the hell!
Every year for the last 8 years dh has had his cousin to stay for Christmas, always for 2 weeks. I have always been pissed off with this, i find him really hard work and we don't get on well. He also sleeps for much of the day (in the living room or one of the dc's bedrooms!)
Well, he moved very much closer to us, but he does not drive and would rely on our local bus to get over, he visits when i am out , and dh visits him in his flat often.
I work on a Maternity unit and do 13 hour shifts. I have told dh that if i am lucky enough to have Christmas Day off that i do not want his cousin over at all as he would be here for 48 hours and i want to relax.
We have had a huge row, and i have said 'if you want to see him, then spend Christams Day at his flat, we will not be joining you though!'.
He has said 'fine, i will', maybe in anger and maybe not. He has just gone out, (pre arranged) and i don't know what is going on.

AIBU to want Xmas without dh's cousin for once?
AIBU to make him spend Xmas at his cousins?

(By the way, if i am working, dh and dc's are going to my parents, so will all be irrelevant!)

Xmas falls on the friday this year could you offer to do a roast dinner on the sunday and have him over night.It may be worth offering a compromise instead of a refusal.

Fishie - the dc's like him - he is very differnt to us. He will talk about football and computer games with them!

OP - Oh blimey! you've got four DC's and him to contend with! that is not on at all to make you feel excluded in your own home.

Is there a reason your DH doesn't want to spend time just with his immediate family? It's hardly quiet with 6 of you

I know it sticks in your throat but if DH is so entrenched in his position, and if they are as close as brothers, you will end up looking like the wicked witch, so why not give the dipomacy a try?
It might help.
If he still acts like a grouchy teenager then at least you tried. It wasn't so long since he WAS a grouchy teenager and some people need more of a push to grow up and behave like adults.
And with any luck he may eventually get a girlfriend and bugger off - just as long as your DH doesn't feel duty bound to her as well!

ALso - i do love big family Xmas - i really do. Mine have shrunk in size to try and stop this cousin coming, hoping he would get the hint. I love my family . The rest of dh's family are not in the picture so we do not have to worry about them.
dh has only taken him to task twice - for blanking me in my own fucking house for 3 days, and also for the most outragous evening of exclusion i have ever witnessed! He can do no wrong - troubled childhhod seems to have givem mhim a free reign for his aadult hood.
I am allowed no opinion on this, as dh family were poor and mine were not, so i can't understand ever, and i am allowed no opinion on his behaviour now! Christ - we were not rich at all, just more wholesome

The other thing is accept (sorry to sound preachy and I still struggle with this myself) is that Christmas is NEVER what we think and hope it will be. There are so many stresses and strains associated with Christmas and most of them are to do with family expectations not being met one way or another. I was dreading last Christmas because of the combination of personalities involved, one of whom was a formerly very difficult teenager - she turned out to have grown up rather well!

Danthe4th - i might try that actually! With any luck i will be on a Boxing Day night shift and i can sleep most of it!
If not maybe i will go to my mums on my own with dc's!
Why is Xmas such a nighmare. Nobody is ever happy!