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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not spend double on a present when my twins are invited to a party

37 replies

brook1 · 09/10/2009 12:24

Am not really sure what is right to do. My twins have been invited to a party for one of their classmates. I would normally spend about £7-£10 on a present, which appears to be an average amount here (have discussed this with my close friends).

This party is at a play thing which probably costs around £10 per head. I have bought a present and spent a little extra - £12. Do you think this is mean or ok?

For the record, when I have had parties for my twins, it is VERY obvious that many spend much less on each present because they are buying for 2. I totally understand that it gets expensive and have no problem with this myself. But, will everyone else think the same way.

OP posts:

Sullwah · 09/10/2009 15:36

Emmm. I am going to go against the crowd on this one.

I have 19 month old twins and I would be very upset to receive one present between the two of them. And so I will always send two presents. I want them to be treated as individuals and not a job lot.

We have only had one party so far for the DTs and I was really peeved at some friends of DH for sending 4 books wrapped in one parcel and one card between the two of them. We have always sent their three children a card for their birthdays - why do they think it's ok for our boys to share a card. And would it have been so hard to wrap two lots of two books rather than one lot of four?

twirlymum · 09/10/2009 15:56

My mum is a twin (so is dh's dad) and she used to hate getting cards 'to the twins'. My nan hated it too. They were boy and girl, so they were never dressed alike, but when they were 21, my nan was determined that they had a cake each (money was v. tight) so she ordered a blue cake and a pink cake, each in the shape of '21'.
When they arrived, both number 2's were blue, and the number 1's were pink. She was not amused!

Sorry, a bit off topic!

Astrid28 · 09/10/2009 16:13

I have a friend with twins and I wouldn't expect her to bring a pressie from each child.

However I would still buy the twins something each rather than split the cost of 1 pres between 2. It's a bit stingey to get them something cheap just because they're twins IMO.

MaggieBehave · 09/10/2009 16:15

There's no right amount to spend. I woudl get more annoyed with somebody who thought that there was a rule about how much you spend... or a formula of an amount per child!!!

children should learn to be grateful for the thought and say thank you graciously... a kill that many have lost ! (not all)

MaggieBehave · 09/10/2009 16:15

a skill I mean. not a kill!

carocaro · 09/10/2009 16:21

YANBU, we sort of - there are three sets of twins in DS1 year and I have bought them both a smaller gift when DS was invited eg: adding up to £10, otherwise the twins argue and it's a hoo haa for the parents, I know it should not be but it is!

As in you case, one of the mums I know with the twins always takes to smaller pressies too.

Would you want you tiwns to get a present each at their party?

MilaMae · 09/10/2009 16:38

My twins had some shared, some individual,they appreciated both. Receiving some shared gifts is good as it teaches them about sharing.

Presents are not a given thing, children should appreciate anything given to them. I hope Sullwah you didn't voice your displeasure.It's not going to teach your dc appreciation and manners if you throw a strop over something they were fortunate to receive in the first place.

At a twins party we went to recently that was also for the younger sibling too I bought the Orchard games gorilla game to share they loved it. Their mum was pleased too. We're going to another soon and I'm buying 2 smaller presents instead of 1 to share as they fit the children iykwim, I know they'll love them. I put thought into any present I give and that is the main thing whether it's 1 or 2, cheap or not the thought is what matters.

nbee84 · 09/10/2009 16:53

Sullwah - I think you've got the wrong end of the stick on this People aren't suggesting you take one present to a twins party for twins to share between them - but are saying if twins go to a singletons birthday that a joint gift from the twins to the child is acceptable

Sullwah · 09/10/2009 17:40

Mila - of course I did not show my displeasure. You obviously have a lot of confidence in my ability to be polite. How very patronising . But an extra card and splitting the 4 books into 2 sets of 2 would hardly have broken the bank. One card and a bit of extra paper! They exect us to treat their three as individuals - I don't think it unreasonable for them to treat our two as individuals.

nbee84 - no have not got the wrong end. I can't expect people to give the boys separate presents and treat the boys as individuals if we do not send separate gifts in return. My point is that it works both ways.

Most (actually all) of their stuff gets shared anyway. But as they get older, I want to make sure that people see them as different individuals and give them different presents - they can then share as they want to. Just like other siblings would.

I also want them to learn to choose gifts that they give in their own name - not as a joint thing.

pointyhat · 09/10/2009 17:49

I'd buy two smaller presents rather than one big one, so they could both give a present.

Original poster

brook1 · 09/10/2009 18:59

Well I do find that people have always been generous and bought a present for each of my twins and many of them buy individual cards aswell. It doesnt really bother me either way, however as the twins get older they do like to have their own things.

Sullwah, I do see your point about it being both ways. However, to give twins a joint present is not the same as twins giving a joint present to another child.

OP posts:

scattykatty · 09/10/2009 19:32

Milamae don't you think twinds will be sharing enough!?

I'd buy 2 separate presents, they are 2 separate people so should give 2 separate presents IMO.

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