Why do certain posters think a topic in AIBU a green light for them to be an absolute c

[MamaG]

unt?

THERE'S NO NEED TO BE SO FUCKING MEAN

I loved AIBU at first, but now I hate it, I think posters are unecessarily nasty in it.

I know dp, I know, its all good

I like AIBU. My favourites are parking in mother and toddler bays threads.

I agree that AIBU brings out the cuntishness in certain posters.

Honesty is good, it is such an important part of MN, but sometimes the comments are just nasty and hurtful.

Agree, AIBU seems to attract the irrational ranty angry posters (and I include myself in that sometimes ).

I think we should call people on being pointlessly aggressive more often - daftpunk's post on this thread is a case in point - even if we are not the op or the direct target of the aggressor's spite.

I am all for healthy debate, I think AIBU is a good topic, I fully understand that people get genuinly angry about things and need to vent. I would hate Mumsnet to be watered down to something like Netmums.

But I agree with you MamaG.

actually mamag.....i have been totally ripped apart on a few aibu....left for dead..

This is how to start a thread in the hope that you're ignored

I don't think we should water down MN as such, just think before we post and not be so MEAN, there are ways to get your point across without being vicious

and how did you feel dp? Did you feel it was justified? Or did you think

a) hang on a mo, thats a bit harsh
b) Fark the lot of you

Ibu has almost become a free-for-all where people seem to think they can say what they want because it's ibu, and if the poster doesn't like it, well they shouldn't have posted in ibu.

I agree it creates a really unpleasant tone across the boards. Mn used to have a reputation for being somewhere where people could post freely and where you weren't expected to be fluffy, but now I think it's gone beyond that, to somewhere where open and honest discussion has turned into accepted nastyness.

I don't like the "well if you don't like it hide the topic/go somewhere else" attitude either. So the message is that "people can be as nasty as they want, it's the responsibility of those who are the targets to hide/walk away." I go on another site that has an ignore feature where you can ignore board posts, instant messages, private messages etc, and this is constantly thrown at people as a solution if they are being badly treated on the site. Consequently the most horrendous bullying and abuse takes place, and if people don't like it they are simply told to ignore it. Not on at all.

no...don't think it should be watered down..

aibu makes a man out of you...

good post wannabe

daftpunk - not everybody is that strong though

Horrendous bullying - really???

Don't see it myself - and I was accused of being a selfish mum who doesn't love my daughter because I was considering going away for her birthday.

I didn' feel abused or bullied - just more justified since those who thought I was a bitch were so clearly nuts

tbh mamag....in two years of posting on here...(and involved in countless fights/arguments)...only 2 or 3 posters have been so unnecessarily rude that what they said got to me.....i just avoid them now.

they have the problem...not me.

YANBU

Some people do use AIBU as a green light, unfortunately that then follows with them to other topics and threads, which is even worse.

Wannabee
I agree, good post.

I got a right flaming not long after I started MNetting and it did put me off for a while. It upset me enough to stop me posting for a couple of months before I got sucked back in.

Sometimes the nasty post is more to be cool and show off to the others than anything else, I feel.

I think in some cases a bunfight is all that is meant, all that is warrented. The nature of the op can set the tone iyswim? AIBU to put 'reserved' bunting up in my fav parent and child parking spot even though dd1 is 19 and lives abroad....

In other cases someone wants to discuss and reflect and gain insight and other pov. In these cases a grumpy polarised post can be really poor, as it takes the debate down a few notches.

Thats not to say people shouldn't be really fired up and in opposition to a pov, but that arguments put in a sensible way are more helpful. Surely.

YANBU those people are cowards, ripping people apart while hiding behind a screen. Really sad. A bit of respect goes a long way. And the biggest joke of all is when you give shit back you're too aggressive.

I'm as guilty as anyone of not arguing in a rational sensible way when I get peeved - I just can't help but fly off the handle when someone says "therefore you must be hairy or stupid or both and my friend cuntymum says so too". -- which leads me to junglist, when you fight back you're labelled rude and aggressive. In addition, if you ignore you're labelled lofty and up yourself!

Goblindt I agree with you too that for some it's all about the posturing - almost as though they're travelling in packs.

Oh me too Skihorse, thats good lively debate and will happen when the conversation really flows. I think there is a difference between that, and the scathing type of post where you think 'ouch'. Although they can be well placed too, just not in certain cases where the op wanted opinions, not whipping. Some mardy posts can almost stop the debate deas - or re route it completely.

Oh I've talked myself into a right jolly hole. I guess my point was 'play nicely'. I'm Libran. I crave balance. And a personal spell check facility.

it's a bit of a simplistic analysis though, the idea that the alternative to downright uncalled-for nastiness is fluffy bunnies.

tbh i think working mums/sahm and nursery threads are much more unreasonable and personal.as someone always rocks up and shouts "well shouldnt have had children then,if you let strangers/wolves/reprobates" watch them. and lets not forget the feeding debacles they always get personal and humphy

and well,some posters post inane dribble on aibu and then get humphy if challenged - and it cuts both ways this isnt necessarily the mn posse harranging poor wee poster

some aibu posts are wholly unreasonable eg dribble about benefits,rants about weddings and the ubitiqious MIL posts

and i love the aibu ones who personally thank in bold the affirmative posts and then decry those who disagree

I love AIBU! It's pretty much the only section I visit on MN!

Nowt wrong with AIBU. I like it as you can strip away all that tedious 'supportive' stuff where you're meant to be nice to people who talk utter pish.

The only posters I do feel sorry for are those who haven't been around here for long and don't realise that they will be disagreed with repeatedly if they ask AIBU.

Also, if a poster concedes that they are BU then there's no further need to add YABUs after their post.

It does seem to be a vehicle for some to be down right nasty eg: get over yourself etc etc

But then some of the things do make me roar wirh laughter!