To be fed up with 'part time' friend

[twinklingfairy]

It is hard to describe
I have known this RL friend since we were 4, but since I moved back into the area we rarely meet up.
I text and text to try to make arrangements and they fall through every time.
To the point that I thought, sod it, she can contact me, when she has time.

9 months later......
She text to say we should meet up. I didn't reply immediately cos I was just not sure I wanted to re-enter the whole thing.
Next day, she sends her DH to speak to my sis (they work in same office) to check she has the right number.
he says maybe I hadn't replied cos I didn't want to know (quite succinct I thought) but, come on, 24hrs is a bit quick to make that kind of assumption?He told sis it was cos she wants to invite me out to celebrate her 30th, a year late (pregnant last year).

So now I am thinking, I don't really want to meet up, only for it to be months and months of my putting myself out there before we meet again. It makes me feel like I appear needy and desperate, where I am not.
I am not sure I want to go out with her, reckon I am just making up the numbers so it is a bigger gang. She has been out plenty and has only once asked me out with her in 6 years!

I just feel it is a one sided friendship where I am dropped like a hot potato and picked up whenever she fancies.
I always go running cos we have known each other all our lives.
I just feel like a fool.

sigh, you will all think I am being petty
This is my oldest friend, but is it worth it when she unwittingly makes me feel this way?

Our babies are 9 months and 12 months, mine is nearly a year. So, I wouldn't say she has just had a baby, but maybe I hadn't said it clearly.
I don't think it is PND, she is very sociable as far as I can see. It is just easier to socialise in the circles you are in IYSWIM. Her eldest started primary this year, her middle, playgroup and then her babby. She is on the other side of the county to me so her children attend a different school/playgroup/toddler group.
I think that is wh I see so little of her. That is why I am happy to accept that we are one of those friendships that doesn't need constant contact.
But it does irk me that is is normally me who makes all the running.
But not on this occasion and I prob won't make any great efforts for a while afterwards either.
She has 3 children, school runs take up your day, it is easier to socialise with whomever you see more often than to make space to fit in one from 10miles away.

I am just taking a step back. Am happy to leave her to do the running and accept that the ball will remain in her court cos she has a lot more on than me.
I only have 2 and my eldest is only just in playgroup. My timetabe is a lot more flexible for another year or so.

Well, thats me. I give up.
I went round to see her the other day amd I just think that we are 2 totally different people.
The big fuss that was made about this 30th birthday party and she never mentioned a thing Clearly I am not/not going to be invited?
I wonder if it had anything to do with a convo we had which started with her asking how I managed to BF for so long. She said she just couldn't do it for that long (fair enough, not everyone can/wants to) but the only clear reason she gave was that she could not go without a drink for that long
She seemed shocked by my admitting that I don't really drink, just not fussed about it.
I mean, if her logic, at that point, was to say 'No point in inviting her if she doesn't drink, I just won't mention it'
Then that is pretty narrow minded, don't you think?
She has decided either that because I don't drink, I won't have any fun or I won't be any fun??
I can and do have just as much fun as a drunk person and can act just as daft. I just go with the flow, they are drunk so who is to know or care how I am acting, so might as well act out, without the drink in.

I just think that we are so different now. Probably have been for years really. She ot into the pub scene when I was in uni. I did my share of drunken nights, just don't really want to anymore.

I just feel she judges me as dull and old before my time because I don't think getting completely rat **sed is fun
I go round there and I feel inadequate
Who needs that?

She also told me that she had decided to call cos her DH is away for 3 weeks and she had to fill her time. So I was just another distraction to pop into an itinerary designed to keep her busy, rather than a desire to meet up with me

Ach forget it, just not worth it anymore.

Anyone out there, I need to hear other points of view

give it (the friendship that is) up.
Don't make any bones about it, no need to cause any fuss just cut ties, don't go to things she invites you to and don't initiate contact.
If she cares enough she'll get in touch, if she doesn't then do you really need a friend who isn't interested in you?
I have friends who I rarely see but we are still really close when we talk because we value each others history and friendship and remember important dates in each others lives.
I also have another friend who I stopped seeing beacuse she let me down too many times and whilst I miss the good times we had and am sorry we fell out (hate arguing) i don't miss the fact that she consistently let me down.
Life's too short to be feeling stressed out by people who are supposed to be on your side.

Hmm, ok, yes, you may have a point the second She could easily feel that she had to babysit me, which would be fine if I got drunk and joined in, but not so much so if she beleives I would be po faced.
I don't think anyone could call me that (I totally understand you meant no offence) I am always smiling and happy.
I would like to think I am not one to judge either. If they all started to get just too drunk for me to enjoy myself, it would just be time for me to leave and let them enjoy their night. Though, I truly believe it would be about when I ought to be headed home anyway, had I been drinking IYSWIM
I am not T Total, I would prob end up getting drunk too
But I have not been given the chance and am never given the chance, by this friend.

batterfly, normally I would say, Yes, we got on fantastic every time we meet p. But this time, cos the drinking question was brought up, I dunno, I just felt small again. I don't run in her circles and , in her opinion, I don't run at all! I am sat at home in my rocker, with my knitting and reading glasses IHO
This time I felt like the....oh whats that saying? I felt like the silly little sister who is just not cool enough to join in with my big sisters game.
Does that makes sense?

I don't think she deliberately puts me down as such, I just feel that she doesn't understand me and thinks I am a bit sad and boring.
Oh well, her loss.
Not gonna sweat it anymore.
I got plenty friends who think the same way as me and are good for me to be around.
If she makes the effort to call/text again, I may meet up with her, but if not, no great loss to me if I am honest.

D'y know, as we left, her children maybe showed the real her. They said, the way children mock 'We have a bigger car than you.'
I feel she is a little like that (not totally, she has good qualities). She has the huge, just built, house. The new cars, new clothes, always good makes etc etc.
I need to move but it is never gonna be a big house, we like our car and my clothes are mostly charity shop (haha, they they are still good clothes)!

I said to DH, it is like we were magnets, for long enough we were stuck like glue, now we are pushing from one another.
Me with my cosy wee house, charity shop clothes, BF, real nappies. She is the opposite to all that
oh well.

Hang on a minute. I'm the one doin the ditchin here

twinklingfairy I have been thinking about this and about my friendships.
Sometimes I can go for months without seeing any friends properly. This is mainly due to my friends working 'normal' hours and mine are all over the place. I work at least 3 evenings - usually 5 ish to about 9 or 10 and I work some weekends. Either a Saturday or Sunday or both or go away Friday to Sunday.Also my hours are full time. I was away working for three weeks in the summer and came back and went straight into a holiday with my 2 DS.

My best friend was laughing when I saw her last week about how she rang at the end of June to try to meet up and I looked at calandar and said I can do second week in September. Thursday is going to be best!!

The point is this. Some of my friends are really close. We can pick each other up at a moments notice and carry on. We are still in regular contact phone/ text etc.

Other friends are people I like and still in touch with but there isn't that urgency to see them as much as your 'best' friends. However I still like their company and enjoy catching up with them on a very occasional basis.
I suspect this is the relationship you are expierencing with your friend.

I would meet up where and when you both felt like it. If you wanted to be included more just say something like' Hey, tel you what , next time you're on a girl's night give us a shout, I'm up for that!!'

Hope this helps. Don't feel bad I'm sure you are not being delibrately excluded. FWIW I don't think you are a wimp at all!!

Thanks upahill
I see what you are saying, but I have now been to see my friend and I am just not sure that we are that compatable anymore.
She and I are leading our lives so differently and I am not sure that the two combine anymore.

Time will tell but I think I am at the point where I feel it has to be time for curtains on this friendship.