For the past two years my family (dad, brother, two teenage nieces) have stayed with us over xmas. My dad is a widower: my step-mum died two years ago. The first xmas was quite raw, and I was glad my dad was not alone. My brother was a bit lazy, but my nieces helped out a bit, so that was a bit stressful, but not too bad, and my 3 little ones seemed happy enough. DH didn't get to see his family until boxing day, and it was the first xmas they hadn't all been together. But he is a very kind man, and went along with it for my sake.
Last xmas, my dad arrived, then late on xmas eve my brother and nieces arrived with my brother's new girlfriend. I was given very little notice of this, but felt pressure to accept another guest, or my brother wouldn't come.
Whist here, they ate and drank LOADS,they brought a few alcopops but nothing else. They made no offers to help with cooking or washing up (apparently my nieces couldn't wash up because of their new gel nails, and my brother was too busy drinking or playfighting with his new girlfriend. Very uncomfortable.) They went to the pub on xmas day morning and asked me what time lunch would be ready so they would know when to come back, fell asleep after lunch leaving all the plates on the table, then took over the living room watching endless episodes of Coronation St/Eastenders/any other soap. They did not get involved with my children at all. My kids were a bit fed up, my husband was very fed up, and I felt embarrassed, and exhausted from all the work. When we have DH's family over, everyone mucks in, so it really highlights the difference.
I know you must be thinking, "why didn't she say something?" But I really don't like confrontation, and I didn't want a big argument spoiling the kids day further.
My problem is, my dad has already announced (without me even asking) that he will be coming down this xmas, which I don't mind so much, as I still feel a need to keep an eye on him, but I know I can't do another year with my brother. He has another girlfriend now, and he will just assume he can do a repeat of last year. My DH will not entertain it, even if I am a bit of a pushover. I need to decide what I am going to say. I need advice.