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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to slap this woman for having a child with this pervert?

26 replies

Malificence · 07/10/2009 11:33

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/suffolk/8293806.stm

If he was arrested in 2007 and they now have a 6 month old baby, what the hell was she thinking????

I just wish he was doing his time in Colchester military prison where he would have the shit kicked out of him every single day.

Stupid, stupid woman, she must have known about this?

OP posts:

TrickOrNinks · 07/10/2009 11:41

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/suffolk/8293806.stm

YA probably NBU.

I haven't read it all, I just wanted to fix the link. I am in a helpful Girl Guide mood.

He sounds like a proper scumbag though.

edam · 07/10/2009 11:44

I think we should probably be angry with him, not his partner. Maybe she didn't know, maybe he fed her a story... whatever, he is the criminal, not her.

DailyMailNameChanger · 07/10/2009 11:50

It is not clear if they were together before the incident or not from that article, TBH it sounds like just the sort of thing that a clever manipulator would have no trouble at all talking their way around and, as the law in this country stands, partners are not allowed to CRB their partner/potential partner how on earth could she know the whole truth or be expected to see past his lies/story?

I think your anger is misplaced here, she may have done the wrong thing I agree but that is easier to see from the outside.

kat2907 · 07/10/2009 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

electra · 07/10/2009 13:06

YAB very U - she is not responsible for her husband's behaviour. Children are born into all kinds of situations. My youngest daughter's dad is a drug addict - perhaps I deserve a pounding too? Unfortunately love isn't always rational.

and as for
'I just wish he was doing his time in Colchester military prison where he would have the shit kicked out of him every single day.'

how 'Daily Mail'

TheCrackFox · 07/10/2009 13:10

Why is it her fault? He probably told her a complete pack of lies, along the lines of "she looked about 19, I had no idea she was so young."

wannaBe · 07/10/2009 13:14

it doesn't say when he was arrested. perhaps she was pregnant already. Perhaps he is now "reformed" and she believed that.

We don't know the details so to judge the woman is BU

jasper · 07/10/2009 13:20

did you post this as a wind up?
Why should the partner of a "pervert" be the subject of your annoyance/violent thoughts?

jasper · 07/10/2009 13:21

oh of course you did not ACTUALLY mean slap...

MorrisZapp · 07/10/2009 13:23

It's always easier to blame the woman isn't it.

YABVU and totally sexist. Blame the criminals, not the women they get involved with.

LoveBeingAMummy · 07/10/2009 13:27

I think you are being very harsh, you have no idea what sort of partner he is iyswim.

Hando · 07/10/2009 13:43

This man had sex with a 15 year old. I know that's wrong, but a few weeks later she would have been 16 and it would have all been ok? It was consensual ie. he didn't rape her.

I do not thin what he did was bad enough for a woman to flee and not have his child.

If he's been involved with "children" or rape then yes I agree not many women would choose to have his baby.

She may have been with him for a long time, or already been pregnant when he was convicted.

UnquietDad · 07/10/2009 13:57

Obviously having sex with a 15-year-old girl is illegal (although not in France). But when you said "pervert" I expected this guy to be an abuser of small children.

The age of consent is very arbitrary - some people are ready to have sex at 15, while others, if you ask me, are still at the stage where they ought to do a bit of the reading-up first when they are 40.

It's all very odd. If a man takes a 15-year-old girl out for the night the day before her birthday, and gets her "in the mood", and then has consensual sex with her at five minutes past midnight on her sixteenth birthday, he isn't exactly a model specimen of humanity but he is not a criminal. If he does the same at five minutes TO midnight, he's a criminal.

MorrisZapp · 07/10/2009 14:05

Exactly UQD.

I was having sex when I was 15, it was great.

I know the law exists to protect children and young people, but it is a bit crazy when the label of 'sex offender' can equally be applied to somebody who abuses little kids and somebody who sleeps with his consenting and enthusiastic girlfriend.

Charlotte Church won the 'rear of the year' award when she was 15. Yet the same papers who love this stuff and have page 3 pictures celebrating models turning 16 are the ones crying monster and pervert etc at people like the one in this story.

UnquietDad · 07/10/2009 14:07

Having said that, of course, I don't want MY DD going anywhere near anything with a penis until she is 21.

(Charlotte Church had a great rear... still has...)

DailyMailNameChanger · 07/10/2009 14:07

I think it is the grooming aspect that clouds this one although I do have to say that, if he was grooming her for underage sex specifically, and he had been doing that since she was 13 why did he wait until she almost was not underage anymore?

TBH it suggests, to me, that the underage aspect was not key for him - but obviously I am not an expert in this particular case so it is all supposition.

bangandthedirtisgone · 07/10/2009 14:08

I used to work with someone who was convicted of possessing some very serious child porn.

His fiancee still went on to marry him, and had a little boy with him two years ago. She was a teacher as well.

I couldn't do it. Not sure what the full details are in this case though.

TheCrackFox · 07/10/2009 14:18

Bang, what happened to the baby? Did social services get involved? Sorry to be nosey but that seems quite worrying.

bangandthedirtisgone · 07/10/2009 14:22

IIRC he was off the sex offenders register by then (was put on it for 5 years).

Thinking about it, I wonder if they timed it to be like that.

I don't have any contact with him anyway. Not since he was arrested and that was....2002 I think.

bangandthedirtisgone · 07/10/2009 14:25

They just buried the whole thing I think. It was in the papers, but only locally and their families and most of their friends lived elswhere.

Her friendsreunited page says how happy she is to be married to him and has a wedding picture on it. He seems to have put it all firmly behind him. PLenty of smiling guests at their wedding, at any rate

Original poster

Malificence · 07/10/2009 14:27

I do accept that it's possible for her to not know his history.
Seems unlikey though, especially on a military base, although he must have been able to keep it quiet, unless he was moved there so no-one knew him - it does surprise me that he was allowed to serve in the Air force from 2007 to his trial.

With regards to him, he was old enough to be the girls father, which is bad enough in itself, even if he had waited until she was 16 , it's still very wrong and shows he isn't exactly normal in his outlook on sex.

It would have been completely different had he been around the age of 20 but when it's a much older man, or woman for that matter, it's very "yuck".

He would have been the same age when she was 13 as my husband was when our daughter was 13.

If people don't see that as wrong then I'm afraid it says much more about them than it does about me.

OP posts:

DailyMailNameChanger · 07/10/2009 14:29

Oh don't be so silly, there are plenty of people who have had relationships with people 20 or so years older than them, yes it has more yuck factor at 16/36 than it does at 40/60 or whatever but the maths is no different and it is not in any wya against the law.

Original poster

Malificence · 07/10/2009 14:32

One last thought, if a 40 year old man has sex with a 16 year old girl, he is every bit as psychologically / emotionally sub-normal as a man who has sex with a 10 year old, legal or not.
Wrong is wrong and age has nothing to do with it.

OP posts:

bangandthedirtisgone · 07/10/2009 14:34

But UQD, arbitrary as the law is, why couldn't he just wait until she was 16?

MorrisZapp · 07/10/2009 14:35

Er, age has everything to do with it.

16 is adult, 10 is a child.

How it it possibly be the same to have sex with a 10 year old and a 16 year old????

Or were you being ironic.

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