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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not invite whole of class to dd's birthday party

27 replies

frazzled74 · 05/10/2009 15:32

am holding party in a small hall,as have pets and lack of space at home. I decided that 25 was a manageable number, by the time I invite cousins etc, that only leaves 15.So I asked dd who she wanted to invite and came up with 15 out of the 28 in her class. Invites went out friday, and today I had one mum come up to me and say that this is unfair and if it is a party in a hall, the whole class should be invited.

OP posts:

DottyDot · 05/10/2009 15:34

you're kidding?!

It's your dd's party - she invites who she wants - end of!

Stick to your plan and don't worry about bonkers interfering other parents.

Neither ds has ever invited all their classmates - it would be impossible - think of the party bag hell!

Bucharest · 05/10/2009 15:35

I would say it depends how the invites were distributed...my dd was upset last year as at nursery (where usually the whole group is invited, and the teacher hands the invites out) one girl missed dd out (about 5 of them didn't get an invite.)

It's a difficult one, obviously it's your party and you are free to invite who you want, but IMO if possible, and if inviting more than half of a class you probably should invite the lot, and hope 10 won't turn up (which is what I'm hoping when dd takes 24 invites to school this week.....)

womblemeister · 05/10/2009 15:37

There's always one isn't there. Tell her to try organising a party for 300 kids if she's so clever. 25 is more than enough. She's probably the type who complains if her kids don't win everything at sports day (actually she probably invented non-competitive sports days). There will be plenty of other parties in the future.

nikkid21 · 05/10/2009 15:38

YANBU - in fact you sound saintly not to have told that women to donkey off.

PuppyMonkey · 05/10/2009 15:41

Cheeky blinking cow. Her not you.

Did she have any problem with your chosen venue or does she want you to change to somewhere she likes better?

Ignore. Proceed.

freename · 05/10/2009 15:46

Never had a whole class party. What's the point? You only invite friends to parties. Something which is nice and inclusive of everyone is to send treats in on the day so the teacher can share these out to the whole class. We do it at our school and it's a nice token gesture I think.

Original poster

frazzled74 · 05/10/2009 15:47

the invites were handed out discreetly by me, but obviously the children must have been talking about it.I dont want to invite everyone and hope 10 dont turn up .Its not as if this child was singled out.

OP posts:

Jamieandhismagictorch · 05/10/2009 15:49

YANBU. Ignore this person.

stealthsquiggle · 05/10/2009 15:51

YANBU at all with a class of 28, and I am that someone actually came up to you to say otherwise. I do tend to reckon that a selective party needs to be less than half the class in order not to end up with a minority being 'left out' but you are not far off - and yes, 25 is an eminently sensible number.

Hoping some don't come is a dangerous strategy - I did that when DS was in reception - then and since we have always had 90%+ of invitees turn up so now I reckon on 100% attendees for planning purposes - fortunately I can manage whole class + a few family friends and still be at or around 25.

hattyyellow · 05/10/2009 15:52

Is she in reception? Mine has just started reception and I imagine it must be hard to decide who to invite. Luckily we have summer birthdays so can wimp out by August if it all gets too difficult!

I can see it must be a minefield. I don't think you are being unreasonable though. That's about half the year invited, it's not like you've only excluded a handful.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 05/10/2009 15:53

This is why I blardy hate childrens parties

freename · 05/10/2009 15:56

You haven't done anything wrong.

Hulababy · 05/10/2009 16:05

I can't believe the mum came and said that!!! What a cheek.

You can invite who you want. So long as you don't deliberately invite 28 out of 30 of the class, leaving just 1 or 2 out, then I think it is fine.

Lots of children n classes of 30 don't have whole class parties.

Original poster

frazzled74 · 05/10/2009 16:06

will stick to my guns then.Was thinking of explaining to her that its not personal etc etc, but I think i will leave it.

OP posts:

OtterInaSkoda · 05/10/2009 16:08

Gah. Such a minefield! Perhaps the other mother thinks your dd invited all the class other than her dd. This happened to a friend's dd - she found out when they saw her entire class at the local soft play one Saturday afternoon. She had been deliberately not invited because (it transpired, years later) of where she lived. Fuckers.
Or perhaps she thinks you invited all the girls bar hers, or something? Which would be unfair.

stealthsquiggle · 05/10/2009 16:11

Don't explain or apologise to her - bleeding cheek for confronting you about it - but I might be inclined to explain quite loudly to someone else that there was no way you could invite everyone and that you let DD choose 15...

thesecondcoming · 05/10/2009 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

frazzled74 · 05/10/2009 16:15

all the girls in the class are invited and 3 boys,whos mums are friends of mine outside of school so dd is close to them.The other boys in the class including the one in question, she doesnt really play with as she is a girly girl.

OP posts:

KurriKurri · 05/10/2009 16:17

I find the idea of a whole class party very odd. If everyone did them, children would do nothing but go to parties every weekend. Its also in my opinion the height of bad manners to complain about not getting invited (effectively trying to invite yourself/DC). I'm probably being old fashioned though, its years since mine were young enough for birthday parties.

As others have said, as long as its not just one or two left out, invite who you like. If you asked 30 children, that would be 30 presents - far too overwhelming for a child of any age.

Toffeepopple · 05/10/2009 16:18

Frazlled74, I think that sounds fine. If you had left out just one or two girls it may have been mean - but why should she have random boys?

Jamieandhismagictorch · 05/10/2009 16:22

TBH, I am quite surprised it's a mother of a boy, and think it's probably HER issue, not her son's upset.

IME, girls care more about getting invites to parties than boys

Tambajam · 05/10/2009 16:31

I think as you've gone for 15 out of 28 that she is completely unreasonable. I think if you'd singled out 5 or less that might have been tougher.

Most of our lot are still doing whole class parties but a few are breaking the ranks and the rest of us have respect for them rather than resentment!

Original poster

frazzled74 · 05/10/2009 16:35

There were a couple of girls that dd said not to invite, but i told her that it was unfair to leave 2 girls out.next year she can have 1 friend for a day out!much easier!

OP posts:

TubOfLardWithInferiorRange · 05/10/2009 16:44

"and today I had one mum come up to me and say that this is unfair and if it is a party in a hall, the whole class should be invited"

My question would be when will her son's whole class party be so I could put it on dc's calendar.

MrsGhoulofGhostbourne · 05/10/2009 16:51

What a pushy mum! I think half is fine - as others have said you can't just leave out a few (which led to us inviting the child from hell to one of DCs parties a few years afgo , but 15 out of 28 perfectly reasonable.

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