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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think parents should greet their child with a smile at least, at primary school pick up?

74 replies

MamaG · 05/10/2009 15:03

I am very nosy observant and notice SO many mums and dads just carry on their convo with barely a glance at their offspring, then they just slug off home.

Can understand not wanting to interrupt a convo, but an eye-meet, smile, hair ruffle, ANYTHING other than a quick glance and a grab of bookbag!

I'm not suggesting we all sob with relief when our precious child emerges from school, but come on, a bloody smile isn't too much to ask is it?

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 05/10/2009 20:55

Yep, me too Captain (love your name). Except instead of "nothing" I get "stuff"

I work at a Playgroup and it does the heart good to see the way the parents and toddlers greet each other (Aaah)

Jujubean77 · 05/10/2009 21:01

DD jumps at me - literally jumps into my arms after pre-school lol bless her....I give her a huge cuddle and kiss.

carocaro · 05/10/2009 21:04

My DS2 aged 2.5 leaps off his chair and runs into my arms with a HUGE grin and I always hug him and kiss him!

Then we go round to pick up DS1 aged 7 who comes out of school and shoves his stuff at me and asks for food and then runs off to play. I am lucky to make eye contact let alone get a sentance out!

exbrummie · 05/10/2009 21:28

Hando
I know we all can say things like that to our kids(well I can anyway!)but I thought it was a bit much when they hadn't even left the playground.
Slightly off subject but once when ds was about 4 we were walking to school one morning and he said"Mommy I'm a nightmare arn't I?"I wonder where he heard that!

HerBeatitude · 05/10/2009 21:46

Perhaps they have an animated conversation with their DC's when they get home? Or once they are walking back, away from the hurlyburly of the playground?

Is it really going to be considered bad parenting to not smile and engage at the correct time?

Doodlez · 05/10/2009 21:49

Summat else to feel inadequate and guilty about then - ta.

TitsalinaBumsquash · 05/10/2009 21:58

Those that are doing the whole thing and complaining, please get a grip, im sure no one is going to think to themselves 'oh look at x's mum, they haven't smiled and greeted x' they are probably far to busy.

Eveyone thinks about things waaaayyy to much sometimes, MamaG was just making an observation its hardly a cause to feel inadequate.

HerBeatitude · 05/10/2009 22:20

I'm not feeling inadequate. Just slightly weary that mn can be such a competitive, self-righteous place sometimes. I mean really, of all the things to find fault with.

TheLadyEvenstar · 05/10/2009 22:31

Yes yes yes YABVU
You should never greet your child with a smile OMG what a bad thing to do!!!

[disclaimer: i am being silly]

pointyhat · 05/10/2009 22:32

Goodness, that is observant, mama. Not something I ever noticed.

emkana · 05/10/2009 22:40

HerBeatitude I am with you. I often carry on with a conversation I am having and just give dd a quick look, while she disappears to play some more with her friends. We then talk on the way home and do nice things later, MN can reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally be over the top sometimes with its judgeyness

catwalker · 06/10/2009 10:34

I don't think it's an over the top observation at all. Every day I watch mums walking out of our primary school yakking away on their mobiles while their little kids trail behind them. Surely they could put their social life on hold for a few minutes to engage with their children, find out how they are, what they've been doing etc. Oh, sorry, I did hear a mobile-glued-to-her-ear mum speak to her small child the other day as they went through the school gates, I think she said something like, "get your hands off my fu..ing bag".

thedollshouse · 06/10/2009 10:36

Oh for goodness sake, how do people find the time to observe other peoples lives so closely?

catwalker · 06/10/2009 10:39

Because it's staring us in the face?!

pigsinmud · 06/10/2009 10:40

Well I greet dd1 with a smile, but she usually chucks her bookbag at me and starts complaining.

Perhaps if I'm grumpy she'll greet me with a cheery grin.

pigsinmud · 06/10/2009 10:42

By the way I have never heard any parents swear at their children whilst walking away from school. Am a bit

starwhores · 06/10/2009 10:43

precious pmsl.

Tortington · 06/10/2009 10:43

why would you want to smile when picking your kids up

now if you're dropping them off dance a bloody jog

Miggsie · 06/10/2009 10:44

Well, DD invariably runs out shrieking "mumEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" accompanied with shrieks of glee...so I pretty much have no option but to attend to her.

YANBU...there are several mums who talk into their phone non stop with barely a glance at their children...

starwhores · 06/10/2009 10:44

I always try to greet with a smile and hello, and we have five quick fire questions in the car about their day.....we have to walk to the car but have to drive to school. I have boys and so they're not always willing to talk about the ins and outs of theri day.

gorionine · 06/10/2009 10:49

YANBU!

I always smile to them when they come out and right after I shout at them for having forgotten : their bag or their homework, or jaket...

No seriously you are right. DS3 pulls his tongue out at me (in a nice cheeky way) as soon as he sees me on the playground and I very often do the same!

HerBeatitude · 06/10/2009 10:51

"Surely they could put their social life on hold for a few minutes to engage with their children, find out how they are, what they've been doing etc."

Oh God, why should you be the one to decide when they do that? And why do you assume that they don't do that, just because they don't do it at the time of your choosing?

catwalker · 06/10/2009 11:06

HerBeatidue - sorry if I've touched a raw nerve, but I think it's a pretty safe to assume that a parent who barely glances at a child when they haven't seen them all day, but who carries on her telephone conversation while the child trails behind them is not going to be playing the caring parent later. There's no reason for not treating our children the same way as we would any other human being. If you were meeting up with another adult you wouldn't behave like that... or would you?

Original poster
MamaG · 06/10/2009 11:13

DS1 is usually one of the last out, so I'm always standing in the playground waiting, looking around. If I'm in a convo with anohter mum, I will smile at him, give him a hair ruffle and carry on my conversation - its called multi-tasking ladies, something we're supposed to be good at

No need to feel inadequate if I've made you feel guilty by my OP, just crack a smile in your miserable gobs

OP posts:
CristinaTheAstonishing · 06/10/2009 11:16

Don't your children feel deprived of attention when you spend your precious time together looking for faults in others and fantasising about their private lives? I was on the mobile phone today as soon as I'd left school. It was to tell DH of the children's parents' evening so he has plenty of warning. Or is that not what you meant by social life? Oh, to top it all up I'd also left the baby at home with grandma, depriving her of an extra 20 minutes mummy time together. (But then it would have been of low quality, see above.)