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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Male childcare worker at DD preschool

50 replies

SardineQueen · 04/10/2009 20:30

DD started preschool 2 mornings a week recently. There is a man who works there - when we went to look around the manager drew to our attention that there was a male member of staff working with the children.

AIBU to be really pleased that there are adults of both genders working with the children in this setting, and that it's a bit sad that they felt that they had to point it out to us when we were having a look.

OP posts:

Original poster

SardineQueen · 04/10/2009 21:20

OMG that's him!

Nannynick I'm sure your services are hotly in demand - in this case the male staff member is a relative of one of the other staff - I think that's probably why he got into it.

I can also see why they mentioned it - but it is really sad they had to. DH said - if they had been pointing out one of the workers belonged to any other group, it would have been illegal.

Why don't men choose this career path more often?

OP posts:

Ivykaty44 · 04/10/2009 21:21

Well why shouldn't they point out that they have a male member of staff - its a great insentive to get your dc into a gender equal nursery thats a good thing, so many nurserys only have female staff, yet have mixed sex children.

As for midwives- I dont care as long as they do the job - they can be green with spots and two heads for all i care

That goes for doctors to I have no objection to a male doctor

SarfEasticated · 04/10/2009 21:21

2 young blokes at my dds nursery, they are brilliant, and it's really nice for the children to see that men can be carers too. The manager was very proud of them.

notabadperson · 04/10/2009 21:24

mmm,difficult. There was a male childcare worker at DS's nursery, and the owner took great pains to point out that this chap would not be allowed to change nappies, do toilet duties etc which I thought was totally unnecessary, cos the chap was a brilliant carer. Fast forward 4 years, DD then went to a different day care nursery, where the one and only male member of staff was treated like anyone else (good I thought, at the time)... he was then up on charges I won't elaborate on, my dd wasn't involved but know that lives of some little girls and their families were ripped apart.

moomaa · 04/10/2009 21:25

Ahh we are not in North London. That's a shame, I thought I might have found a fellow mumsnetter in real life, we could have had a secret wink.

In our case, the man is the father of one of the children that attends the preschool. This was also pointed out.

nannynick · 04/10/2009 21:37

Why don't men choose this career path more often?

Not many men are that good at being able to relate to young children.
They think it is women's work (note: apostrophe police will probably not like me, I can't remember where the apostrophe goes)
It isn't paid very well.
It may not be full time hours (or not working a 5 day week).
They may worry about how other people view them. I have recently started going to a choir and when other men chat with me, the conversation quickly dies once they ask what I for a job... maybe I shouldn't tell them!

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 04/10/2009 21:40

Tell them your job is so secret you're not allowed to say what it is.

Original poster

SardineQueen · 04/10/2009 21:48

Yes I imagine you look suave, play on that. When you leave hang around near expensive cars and talk into your watch

I do think it is sad though,that and the SAHD being a difficult option.

Our whole society (norms, pensions, work patterns) could do with some loosening up so that all people can do what they are good at.

DH is a much more patient parent than me, just I get the mat leave, and of course BF is a consideration. I seem to be better at earning money. But obviously I have ditched career to look after kids etc.

If we have another he will be eligible for a year sabattical, we both think it would be great for him to take it to SAH with the kids.

I wish things would move quicker with all this stuff.

OP posts:

trickerg · 04/10/2009 22:40

Fantastic! We now have a young man who works in the out of school club. It's taken more than a generation to roll out the perceived 'nurturing professions' to men. Why is that? Salary? Seen as mothering rather than fathering? Too many female colleagues? Age of teachers? Any ideas?

drlove8 · 04/10/2009 22:57

we have a male SN s assistant for dd4 at nursery .... hes the best teacher there (with all the kids, not just dd).
my cousin is also a male nursery teacher - he met his wife at nursery too.
i think its great on so many levels , but also that it gives the kids a positive caring male role model....some of the kids have never met their dads. its so sad , but they get an idea of what a man should be from the male teacher.

bronze · 04/10/2009 23:01

Definitely pointing out a positive. Think of all the little boys who go there who have another positive male role model

busybutterfly · 04/10/2009 23:13

Thank God for that. Thought this was going to be another rant at "men working with (and possibly touching) children"! Happy it's not!

Phoenix4725 · 05/10/2009 05:52

I think its great .
I have a ds that wants to work with children but struggled to get a placement for wrk experiance as shock horror hes male and means its supipicous ,.He has3 youngers siblings including one with sn and is fantastic with him.He is just a very gentle young man with no ulterior motive other than he enjoys getting the best he can from a child especially when thingsa don`t come easy to them .I am sure some of this comes from having had a couple of good male r teacher role models

One year on he finally got placement at sn school and loves it and school so impressed that they have offered hima p/t job while he studys childcare further.

nooka · 05/10/2009 06:20

I think that there is another plus too, in that an all female staff is IMO less healthy than a mix. I certainly found with my own team at work that when we had some guys in the team it seemed to really help with the dynamics. I've a couple of (male) friends who work in KS1 and I know they got a few raised eyebrows at first.

Niknak21 · 05/10/2009 06:50

My work is over run with females and yes you need the men to balance out the problems that arise between too many women in a small space IMO.

It's great you've found a place with a male worker, silly people that think it's dubious. 1 in 5 paedophiles are women....

Re the male midwives, I had one put in my venflom (sp?) when was induced with DS1, the midwife I had said he was better at it . It's the men that aren't keen on him, us ladies don't usually care by that point!

BouncingTurtle · 05/10/2009 07:01

I admit that I felt a bit disappointed that there are no male workers at ds's nursery, so no YABNU.

I too am very at the "all men are paedo's" hysteria going on lately!

I feel sorry for my friend's DH, because she works full time M-F,and he works shifts, he is often the primary carer for their DS during the week. And I know he actually finds it difficult trying to go to parent & toddler groups - even though he is bringing a child of his own!!

VirginiaLoveGlove · 05/10/2009 07:19

dd1's reception teacher is male. it is neither here or there for me but I can see it being a good thing esp for boys in her class. he is an nqt so he is still learning himself.

one of the most touching movies you can ever watch is called etre et avoir about a male teacher in a one class primary school in rural france.

TitsalinaBumsquash · 05/10/2009 07:39

DS has a male teacher at his playschool, he adored him and he was very sad when he went to 'big school' this year to be leaving him behind.

Foxy800 · 05/10/2009 08:39

I think it is lovely to have male childcare professionals.

So yanbu for being pleased and I agree with other pp that they probably drew your attention to it due to the fact that it is so hard to find them these days!!!!

NestaFiesta · 05/10/2009 09:22

SardineQueen- I had a male midwife- we were asked if it was OK and we said yes. He was great. I missed him when his shift ended.

As far as the OP goes- thank goodness someone is sticking up for men in the childcare profession. My brother is a junior school teacher because he loves kids and is a great Dad. There is far too much hysteria these days and a lot of men are afraid to go into these professions because of it.

HowlingAtTheMoon · 05/10/2009 09:33

I was over the moon when our nursery took on a male member of staff, My poor DS was surrounded by women at home and nursery, I thought it would be good for him. Wish there was a few more male primary school teachers too.

overmydeadbody · 05/10/2009 09:36

Sardine, they where probably pointing it out because they where pleased too, they where showing you one of their strengths.

I think YABU.

overmydeadbody · 05/10/2009 09:39

I mean, obviously you are NOT being unreasonable for being pleased, just being unreasonable to think the nursery's motives where anything other than good themselves.

Half the teachers in DS's primary school are male, a fact I am very very pleased with.

HowlingAtTheMoon · 05/10/2009 09:42

at overmydeadbody

PeachyTentativelyPosting · 05/10/2009 09:55

I hope pointing him out was as a plus, I fear it wasprotectionism- 'like it or sod off'- whatever though its good that the nursery see him as a bonus.

DS1 ahs had a male teacher and the effects were very positive.

My friend is an infant school pupil and gay, and felt he had to keep his sexuality secret from work (still does) as he is in an area where Church schools dominate. Very sad; by far the most gifted teacher I know (we did somework and college together), surely thatwhat materss?

But no, apaprently a gay male teacher equate to paedo in some groups it seems. very sad.

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