As we've started talking about Christmas, how do we feel about being asked to give money?

[mmrred]

Right, my DB and his wife have considerably more money than me and my DH. They have one DC. My parents spend Xmas Day with them and I usually send Xmas presents down with them. This year, DB has said that we should all (parents included) just give him money so he can buy something that SIL would like.

Now, I wouldn't mind if it was for a specific something she really wanted, but the implication seems to be that our previous presents haven't been much good, (am I being over-sensitive?)and how much do you hand over? I'm a bit of a bargain-hunter so do tend to pay less than the ordinary price by taking advantage of sales/codes etc...but don't want anyone to be offended.

Plus it's not very Xmassy, is it? I'm sort of thinking I may well say we'll have an 'adult amnesty' like in my DH's (very large) family, and just buy for the kids...

We gave up buying for adults, except the elderly, years ago- it is much simpler. We stop when DCs reach 18yrs. I wouldn't like to be asked for money-you could send her an OXFAM unwrapped gift.

Cross posted with funkybuddah-great minds....! If someone is asking for money they must have too much-give to charity is the solution.

yanbu - I'd send a present as usual rather than give money. What do they get you?

I think the point is as kat says, a £5 pressie might be a super bargain (book on offer, box of special smellies from a craft fair, etc) but £5 in an envelope looks a bit cheap so you would end up sending £15 and thus shelling out a lot more.

If several of you could chip in for a named thing she would like that's rather different.

I would think cheeky git and not send anything this year. In fact as others have said I think the adult amnesty a great idea as I love Christmas but just hate the present aspect I think it makes it a lot more stressful than it needs to be, you could then spend the present open time on charades - hurrah.

YANBU this is just rude and not in the spirit of Christmas.

kat2907 beat me to it teamcullen - if she wants cash from you for their children, say "How about cash this year for ours"...

Then, "Oh hang on, no point us sending you cash and you sending us cash, just give yours some cash and say it is from us, and we'll do similar this end"

No point sending cash if yours are getting odds and sods that aren't in the spirit of Christmas, let alone what they want.

Should have added that you should preface the first comment about "How about cash..." with "Hope you haven't spent any time thinking about presents for our DC this year, but how about cash..." (Might annoy her if she had already bought something at a car boot!!)

Ooops - read back and it wasn't the gift from a car boot, but box for gift. Sorry, {devilish grin} for such a naughty thought!

we are not asking them this year webdude Last year was the final straw for DH, ive been telling him for years, but cos they're his DNs he sorts them out.

They are getting presents, and something that they cant take back and exchange

I dont think it was actually from a car boot, They said DG had been banging the box and thats why it was bashed personallt I think they got it really cheap in a shop because the box was dammaged

I agree about the amnesty we did this a long time ago and tbh it saves buying/receiving unwanted gifts. Instesd I can spend my cash on things that I really need to buy for my own dh & dcs.
The only exception is mil/fil who we still buy for and it is a pita as fil is SO ungrateful.Last year he even told us to take the present back to the shop and swap it for something he would like!!

I had a similar request for a child's birthday - one of my DDs friend's Mums said she had a present list for her 2 year old. I buy in advance (normally ELC sales) to have good, but reasonably priced gifts (know around 25 children through family and DD's friends so try to cap presents to £5-£8), I ignored the list and gave a gift that I thought was similar to one of list items. I wouldn't be offended if someone said 'craft items', or 'bath items' but 'cash' or expensive options I don't like. I'd def go with the amnesty for adults where possible.

Interesting - erm...last year I got a necklace of kind of big funky stones (the like of which I never wear, and that DS, then 18 months, managed to break by grabbing as it appeared to be held together by cotton)whilst very funky fashionista DD (then 14) got subtle, understated silver.

Am not going to worry about it further - will declare adult amnesty and let my DP's deal with a day that consists of DB and SIL unwrapping endless gifts to each other (a magnum of champagne was one last year - not opened and shared, incidentally) and me, DH and our 2 will have our own restful day, followed by a celebration when DSS can be with us with lots of cheap and cheerful gifts and gestures from each other.

Each to their own.

"consists of DB and SIL unwrapping endless gifts to each other" ... Oh dear.

Sounds like people in my extended family. One year they had a gift for each other, for each hour of Christmas Day. Glad not to live within 100 miles of them!