to expect to be paid back by DH?

[Undercovamutha]

This may be a bit ranty!
I am on matenity leave currently, and usually work part-time. I earn okay money (about a third less than my DH who works full time and is on an average wage). I am pretty good at saving, and we have fairly low outgoings (apart from nursery fees when I am working), but DH is horrendously bad at saving. He lives like a student, with just pennies left at the end of the month. However, since I went part-time he pays more than me into the joint account, and now I am on maternity leave he is paying more again. I am still also paying in, and end up with less 'personal money' than DH does in our own accounts (we keep separate 'spending' money to stop arguing over DH spending money like water on his hobbies!).
I have a surplus of money in my current account, which I saved up when I found out I was pregnant, to tide us over a bit as my maternity pay decreases. DH thinks I am 'rolling in it' even though I have less spare money than him each month, and it has been very hard for me to save this money whilst working part-time.
Anyway, we recently booked a holiday which was a bit more expensive than we had planned, but I REALLY wanted to go and DH is looking forward to it too. We agreed we would pay half each out of our own money, as the joint account is stretched to the max. I paid it in full from my account and DH was supposed to pay me back for his half. That was 4 months ago. I have reminded him a few times but he just keeps saying he has a lot of important things to buy and can't pay me back yet.
We have just had a big argument because I confronted him and said could he start paying me back. He thinks I am being stingy with money, and seeing as I obviously had enough to pay for the holiday, then why should he have to cough up as he is skint. He is only skint cos he spends spends spends, unlike me. He even said that it wasn't like I spend my money on anything anyway (mainly cos I have very little opportunity with 2 small DC's!).
AIBU to be really pissed off and to insist on him paying me back asap. I don't even feel like going on the stupid holiday now - grrr!

Scottish mummy our money is the money we earn which is spent on all of us.

DH earns about 15 times more than me. If I just had my money and had to ask him for money everytime I or the children needed anything that would feel like lil wifey money.

As it is our money sits in one pot and I can help myself as and when I please need!

Have you explained to your husband that this was your "maternity fund" that you had saved for yourself to have more financial freedom during your maternity leave, and to pay for things related to the new baby?

Tell him that now you have spent this money on his half of the holiday, you will be relying on HIM to finance these things.

Can you cancel the holiday?
If this is an issue, then maybe you cant actually afford to go?

YANBU. If the agreement was 50/50 then he should pay you back what is owed. Otherwise you should take you friend/mum/milkman on holiday with you, and leave DH at home!!!

It amazes me that some people think this couple should have all their money in a communal pot when it's obvious that the H would simply spend the lot without thinking. If one person is bad with money then never mind all that what's-mine-is-yours crap, you need to agree on strict dividing lines so the bills actually get paid and you don't end up with bailiffs at the door.
However, what you have to watch out for is the spendthrift one 'cheating' on the agreement which it sounds like is the case here.

Her husband's attitude stinks. I don't think anyone is suggesting otherwise. DH and I maintain separate bank accounts (because he is self employed) but we don't consider money to be his or mine - but then neither of us would behave like the OP's husband.

His and mine accounts tend to be about control. Now you can see that as a good or a bad thing depending on your POV. We've done a variety of things, started separate, then went joint because we didn't really have enough money to manage separately, then went separate again because dh spent all the money and it made me very angry and miserable and caused huge rows. Now dh doesn't have any money (he's currently a SAHD and we've used up all our savings) and I give him housekeeping, in cash, because that helps him manage it properly. That might be a slightly sad state of affairs, but unfortunately dh never learnt how to manage money properly, as he was always bailed out when he got into trouble, first by his parents and then by me (like it or not). So this way we both feel in control, and he doesn't feel overseen.

But that's why I think from this account that the OP's dh hasn't done that bit of growing up which is about only spending when you have the cash and you know there are no other demands on it. The OP on the other hand I guess has learnt that she shouldn't pay up front, especially if it's for something she wants more than her dh does.

maybe separate accounts are about autonomy,not being subsumed into homogenised coupledom.

Take a friend instead

Separate accounts don't give autonomy any more than a joint account. The OP isn't doing what she wants with her money, she is paying for the family and the holiday and getting resentful, and because her DH has so called autonomy he is using it to what he wants and because it is a separate account nobody can stop him. Separate accounts has given her loads of freedom hasn't it?

They are married - they shouldn't be fighting about who pays for what when they share the bills.

I don't give yours and mine business either - sounds totally divisive. Who has the time to do all the divvying up anyway?

The most sensible way to go is to have a joint account and leave the running of the account in the hands of the one who is best suited to looking after it properly. Anything left over, after making some savings, can be divvied up then, if you like.

But in reply to the OP YANBU if you agreed that he should pay you back and hasn't. Regardless of your financial arrangements he has breached your trust.

my partner and I have been together 7 yrs, (lived together for about 5 yrs of that) and we do not have any joint accounts. All bills are DirectD from my account. He "pays" me monthly, he currently pays slightly over 1/2 as I am working part time and earning less. We have our own money to do as we wish.
I have suggested a joint acct for bills, he refuses.
I will not marry him until he can trust me with his money.

sorry just realised I didn't answer your question. In my opinion YANBU. He made an agreement with you he should stick by that. I would moan so much and not let it go, but that's just me.

YANBU He agreed to pay half and so that's what he should do.

I don't get this pooling all money together thing. I agreed to marry dh, stand by him in sickness etc etc but I don't remember agreeing to give him control of my hard earned money or vice versa!

I would only think i possibly had a claim on dh's money if he either passed away or if we split up, then yes i suppose i would expect maintenance. Maybe, hadn't really thought about it!