Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to try for a girl?

28 replies

jessiejane · 02/10/2009 22:14

I have two gorgeous dss, six and four. have reached the point where it is now or never for a third. i want to try for a girl, maybe using shettles method. but dh doesn't want another one and thinks i am totally setting myself up for 3 boys, which i don't want, even though i adore the ones i have. am i being totally selfish to want a girl? if dh doesn't want another baby full stop is it really unreasonable? worried i will be disappointed forever if i never have a girl. feel really guilty.

OP posts:
Maggie34Behave · 02/10/2009 22:17

No. SOme people will say "how very dare you, you have 2 healthy babies" etc, and yes of course that's true, but you're a woman, it'd be nice to have a daughter.

Try Hazel Chesteron-Philips book. Not sure if that's shettles or not. But you cut off on cd9 basically ifyou have a regular 28 day cycle.

Jojay · 02/10/2009 22:18

If you don't want 3 boys, don't even think about it.

You have to be prepared for either.

If you want another child and can talk your DH into it, by all means try any method you want to get a girl.

Maggie34Behave · 02/10/2009 22:18

ps, you'd love a third boy if he came. You know you would!

Lulumama · 02/10/2009 22:18

you have to accept that you will possibly have a 3rd boy and it is no good saying you don;t want that, as it is a likely outcome

you should try for a baby not a gender

i understand the yearning for a gilr, but you cannot guarantee you will have one

alicet · 02/10/2009 22:20

I don't think there is anything wrong with expressing a preference for a particular sex or feeling wistful for a dd you don't have.

I do think though if you try for a third you have to want another baby regardless of their sex. Nothing wrong with hoping for a girl or even trying to actively try for one. But you have to know you would be happy if you ended up with another boy.

As far as trying for another baby when your dh is against it i would have to say doing this without his consent would be very very unreasonable.

wingandprayer · 02/10/2009 22:21

No method guarantees a certain sex unless you have medical intervention. If you honestly think you only want a girl (and I do understand why that might be) do not have another baby. It's not fair on the boy you might end up with. And if your DH doesn't want a baby at all then you have to resolve that issue first too. It's his right to not want any more kids as much as it's your right to want them.

Original poster
jessiejane · 02/10/2009 22:23

totally agree that i would love a boy. wanted a girl when i was pregnant with ds2 and was disappointed at the scan but overjoyed when he was born and both my boys are gifts. but i wouldn't choose 3 boys.

OP posts:
Original poster
jessiejane · 02/10/2009 22:25

i wouldn't try to conceive without his consent! that's a totally different thing! just thought i might try to bring him round to my thinking.

OP posts:
busybutterfly · 02/10/2009 23:00

I had 2 boys and then a girl but met someone the other day who had FIVE boys and someone today who has four boys...don't even think about it if you really don't want another boy. We just wanted a third and were delighted but would have been wonderfully happy with a third DS. (My husband is eldest of 3DS so that's what we were expecting anyway!)

bibbitybobbityhat · 02/10/2009 23:05

"dh thinks I am setting myself up for 3 boys which I don't want"

Well don't try for another baby then. YAB totally U. Am amazed you would even bother to ask the question.

yummycakeandchocolate · 02/10/2009 23:09

Have you got £4000 you would spend?? My neighbour has just returned from the states after having Mircosoft and IUI, sent for 3 weeks on hoilday there and is now pregnant with her 4th......assuming its a girl but is having a scan soon to confirm!

yummycakeandchocolate · 02/10/2009 23:10

sorry MicroSORT!!!

neenz · 02/10/2009 23:15

That's quite depressing yummycake

yummycakeandchocolate · 02/10/2009 23:26

I know what your getting at neenz but its only sperm sorting at the end of the day. She is still bringing a much loved baby into the world......you have one of each!

iMum · 02/10/2009 23:33

I dont think its depressing-if I could afford it I would do it!

Dont have another baby unless you dont mind the gender.
This is why after loosing my dd I didnt try to "swing" the sex in favour of a girl with any of my next 3 boys.

I would love a daughter (but really I would love my dd iyswim) but not more than I wanted 3 children-does that make sense, ive had wine andd am listening to Leonard Cohen so it may not.

yummycakeandchocolate · 02/10/2009 23:35

I'll let you know if she gets her girl! She saved like hell for that £4000!

neenz · 03/10/2009 08:36

Yeah but what did she and her other kids go without to save up the £4k?

It's up to her what she spends her money on, I just think it is a shame that someone feels that way - what if this little girl does not fulfill her expectations of what a girl should be?

Yeah I have one of each, and I admit when I found out at 20weeks PG that one of the twins was a boy (they couldn't tell what the other one was) I really hoped the other was a girl (and it was), because I always hoped that I would have a daughter. I have three sisters and no brothers so have always been surrounded by girls - and a mother who always goes on about how great girls are.

But I know that if it had been two boys and if all my future kids were boys I would have been just as happy - my little boy is fantastic and I would be made up if I had a big brood like him.

neenz · 03/10/2009 08:39

And what about when her lads grow up and find out she spent all that money getting a girl - they will think they were not good enough for her .

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 03/10/2009 08:40

YANBU
if I had a 2nd DS we would go for a third hoping for a girl. If I get a DD next time we will probably stop. So that's ok - but you must be prepared for another boy if it happens!

piscesmoon · 03/10/2009 08:48

Only do it if you are prepared for a boy.

neenz · 03/10/2009 08:51

Sorry for your loss iMum.

123andaway · 03/10/2009 08:55

YANBU to want a girl. YABU to get pg to have a girl. I had 2 DS's and then my third was a girl, so I do understand. BUT you still have a 50/50 chance of having a boy (well I think statistically the odds are 52/48 in favour of a boy). Get pg if you want another baby NOT to have a girl.

Astrid28 · 03/10/2009 09:58

Pretty much what others have said, YANBU to want a girl at all, I have a preference should I have another child, but your DH needs to be on board.

I suppose he's thinking that perhaps you'll be really sad, maybe even get depressed if the baby wasn't a girl, and it's best not to set yourselves up for a potential fall.

I think with the exception of yummy's friend, it's a 50/50 chance no matter what.

yummycakeandchocolate · 03/10/2009 11:26

Just looked it up on the net, assuming its the same clinic etc odds are over 90% for a girl, less so for a boy.

TrillianSlasher · 03/10/2009 11:49

Theres actually a marginally higher chance you will have a boy than a girl.

The split in babies born is 51% males/49% females. Also your DH could (just could, very unlikely) have a defect that means he doesn't make female sperm, or that his female sperm are wonky. He has a proven track record in making male sperm.

YANBU at all to want a girl, but YABU to TTC if you would not want a boy.