To be considering taking my dd out of school

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I am considering taking my dd out of school and Home Educating her. There are so many things to think about I thought I'd post and get some good brutal honest advice from both sides.

My dd is 5 and in primary year 1. Her school is an infants only school so she will have to move schools after next year in time for yr 3 anyway. It's not the best by any means but we moved into the area after application dates so had no chance with the best / most popular schools. The head has a very unique way of doing things, many of which I do not agree with. Nothing "serious" just policies and the way the school day is structured etc - it's hard to put into words. She isn't being bullied and isn't upset at going to school or any of the common reasons I've heard people choose to take their children out of school. I feel she isn't learning enough or in the way she could be if at home. She's bright and happy and I feel if I was able to educate her at her pace and learning the things that interest her that she would do much better. Her class is 30 pupils, a few of which require lots of attention as they have behavioural difficulties (I assume not diagnosed ones though as no TA or additional helpers in class). I could give her 1:1 attention and tuition.

I'm a single parent and I am studying part time towards my degree, this will take approx 4-5 yrs. By the time I have finished my degree and am ready to go into full time work with my degree she'd be nearly at secondary age.

So AIBU in thinking that I could home ed my dd until she finishes primary school age and then she can go into secondary school? Or does that totally confuse the situation? Will she find school environment too difficult to adapt to? I want her to be able to do her GCSEs, A levels and hopefully go on to University.

Any wise advice?

good post jennifer

and at all the misunderstandings of the social side of HE!

OP: Not learning what you think ought to be learnt in school, policies etc. are not the only reasons to HE. Try to see it as a positive, proactive decision, rather than a negative, reactive one. You talk as if you need to have a very good reason to HE, like something really awful happening at school, but lots of HEors choose not to go the school route because they think the school system itself is good enough reason!

HEing doesn't have to be expensive. Local HE meetings are usually not expensive at all - we go to three different meets through the month, two that meet twice a month. These all cost £3 per family.

We go to a free PE club that a local HEor runs - he has a free venue (payment for HE things is often just for venue and materials because lots of HE parents run things to skill-share). We go to a choir run by a local musician HEor - £3 per family again.

We go to friend's houses. All in all, we meet up with the same set of HEing families, in different combinations and all together about 3 or 4 times per week!

Children do not need to meet with the same 29 children every single day to learn how to live in the world. All the HEKs I know are articulate, happy, sociable, mature children. They do not need school to make them so! They also usually do not spend all their time just with their parents, contrary to popular belief!

I disagree with what Orm says (DH and I think of school as the place where they teach the things that children have to learn. Home is where they learn the extras. ). Children learn the things they have to learn by living. For example, they learn all the maths they'll need through being involved in shopping, cooking, planning, counting and spending pocket money, calculating how long journeys will take.........when they want and need to know more, they'll be motivated to find ways of doing it - using an online programme like Education City, finding a maths tutor, buying maths books......

I say YA totally NBU and would be making a very positive and progressive decision.

BUT do see what your DD wants. I agree that she's too young to really understand, but it might make her very unhappy if she's settled in school now and is enjoying it day to day.

'Children do not need to meet with the same 29 children every single day to learn how to live in the world. '

Of course they don't need it, but as friendships become more important it is a big plus. I still have friends from school, and it was the day to day trivial happenings that forge the friendship.

jennifersofia, what makes you think that HE children don't mix with their peer group? You say that you are not saying that it's not possible but you seem to think that it's unlikely.
And for some children not seeing the same 29 children every day might be considered a blessing.

It is unfortunate that the social part of HE always comes up-it doesn't have to be a problem, unless you isolate yourselves. I think it is easy to find others doing the same.

You mentioned that she will be changing from infant to junior school in a year or two? Do you know much about the junior school, if not do a bit of research and visit the school - maybe they have a way of teaching that you will be happy with. Maybe 'teach' her the things you feel she is missing out on until then?

Tbh looking at your op, Hando, if your dd is happy, has friends and there are no problems with your dd enjoying learning, I'm not sure how much would be gained by her coming out of school.
She probably has her friends at school and it sounds as though she is settled. Why upset that? Unless you have some strong philosophical view of school etc which has developed since you decided to send her.
I would find it difficult to pull a child out of a way of life she's settled into unless you have strong feelings that it would be for the better for her.

And what juuule says

I also agree with juuule. (I think you should put her first even if you have developed strong philosophical views.)

what's annoying you about the school policies?

Is it you who is against schooling at this age?

You have to think why you feel like this. I am not sure why you sent her in the first place if it's school generally. if it's just 'this' particular school, then maybe look at alternative schools?

I wouldn't even look for alternative schools if she is happy. Avoid any upset if possible. I had to change schools at 6 yrs (family move)and it isn't nice-not something to do lightly.

I really can't understand why there is such a taboo about HEK. I did quite a bit of research before deciding it wasn't for me, but all the parents and children I met seemed just as well balanced as dc's at school, had just as close friendships with their peers.
Also, the argument that the OP's DD is happy at school - on the face of it, my DC's were happy in their old school, it was my problems with the school that made me move them - 9 months on, I can see it is the best decision I ever made. Children generally make do in whatever situation they are in, but the OP knows her daughter better than anyone - if she's not happy with the school, and what her DD is getting out of it, then she should definately do something about it
FWIW, I decided not to HE for 2 reasons 1. I found the right school, 2. I don't like or be around other people too much,so we would have ended up in our own comfortable little bubble, and this wouldn't be fair on my DC's. - this isn't an argument against HE, just my own personality defects

A guy in the year above me at uni was home educated, and he's done very well. He and his family moved around a lot so it was the best option. I don't know if he did sit exams or anything (we do a film production course and you can get in based on a portfolio, not just A levels etc). But I think if you feel you can do it, give it a try.

I wish my mum had taken me out of school. 5 years of bullying through secondary has ruined my confidence

Thanks for all the replies! To answer a few questions;

Dd is happy at school, she is confident and makes new friends easily. We have discussed possibly moving schools already, as we are definitely moving (not too far though) and she said she's fine with that. We will keep in touch with a few friends from her current school if that happened. She was at nursery for longer than she has been at school and we don't see any of the friends she made there - she hasn't once asked for them or even mentioned them!

So, my reasons for wanting to HE are my problems on behalf of dd. She is my first child and before she went to school I really had no idea how it all worked. There is a TA but she is shared between two classes and tends to be in the other class most of the time. It's not too much of a problem now but I feel in the next few years she would just do so much better at home. Not because of her, more just the general way school works. So yes, I think I dislike the whole idea of school. Things such as not being able to go to the toilet when they need to, having to wait to get a drink of water, not being allowed to apply their own suncream on really hot days, having to wear their coats when they feel too warm to. I feel my daughter is more than capable of knowing how to make her own choices with such simple things.

I do not think I would HE past primary school age though. Secondary school is, in my opinion a positive experience for most and I learnt so much both socially and academically from being there.

"Things such as not being able to go to the toilet when they need to, having to wait to get a drink of water, not being allowed to apply their own suncream on really hot days, having to wear their coats when they feel too warm to. I feel my daughter is more than capable of knowing how to make her own choices with such simple things."

My ds is in year 3 now and none of those things has ever happened to him. He does all those things when he wants, wears his coat (or not) as he wants (in fact usually manages to take a hat/cloak/item of fancy dress and stick that on for play or lunch or coming home - teachers let him be himself.

Of course as the parent you have the right to choose for your child but from what you've posted you are choosing on theory, not reality, (you say yourself your dd has hardly spent any time at school yet and had more time at nursery) which is again of course your prerogative

DH and I moved DD out of her first primary school after her reception year (she's in Year 1 now). The school initially, we thought was fab and she really did learn so much in her first year of school. The teacher was fantastic and the class also had 2 TA's.

However, we felt that when she made the transition from YR to Y1, the progress wouldn't be the same and we felt that she would be left behind. She's not g&t or particularly able in a specific area (well, she is quite good at reading)but the school, we felt, wouldn't be able to move her on. We did lots of investigating, speaking to other parents etc and then we discussed with DD the possibility of changing schools. Don't get me wrong, there were other contributing factors, DD was (IMO) being bullied by another child in her class and that was something we obviously wanted to put a stop to.

DD jumped at the chance to change schools and I have to say, it has been nothing but a positive experience. She would've hated being at home (I had already decided if she didn't get a place in the new school, I would HE for a while until a place came up) and we would've driven each other mad. She is very much one of those kids who was just ready to be at school. The routine and rules has done us all no end of good.

I would be tempted to look around at other schools and see if their ethos is better/similar to the one you would like for your DD. TBH, I think I would've been reluctant to move schools if I knew she was happy where she was and knew she was going to get on ok. I do think you have to discuss with her, because as you say, she is old enough to have some input into the decision, but I don't think the decision is hers to make iyswim so you have to weigh it all up.

I'm currently in my last year of my degree, I have a DS who is 15 months and I am currently pg with DC3 (plus working 4 days a week). Thinking back on it now, there would be no way I could fit all this stuff in and HE DD because it's not just the actual 1:1 contact time you have to have, but also all the planning and preparation that would go with it.

I always wonder that Riven the two most outgoing kind friendly kids I know are both home educated.

Exactly! The guy I spoke of in my last post is actually more socially active on campus than me! Although I do live at home...

Riven, having thought about it I do not feel that my dd would be a loner. She is very outgoing, confident and able to make friends easily. Being an only child I think she has had to learn to do this quickly. If we go to the park I can sit and read a mag (whilst watching her of course) she will find another child who is on their own and go up to them and ask them to play with her. More often than not they are soon "best friends" holding hands and hugging when it's time to leave! I think it's fantastic. I'm also confident and outgoing, more than happy to meet new people, join inwith groups of people I've never met etc. I think if dd and I were very shy then It'd be much harder for me to HE her.

OP - how about going into the school and working as a helper in your DDs class a couple of days a week? That would give you a real insider view of the school. If I could go back in time, I would HE my DD, who's now in Year 6 at school.

'Things such as not being able to go to the toilet when they need to, having to wait to get a drink of water, not being allowed to apply their own suncream on really hot days, having to wear their coats when they feel too warm to. I feel my daughter is more than capable of knowing how to make her own choices with such simple things.'

I always let them go to the toilet when they want to. They have their water bottles with them at all times and so can drink when they want. They have to put their own sun screen on (staff don't do it)and if I think it is cold I suggest they wear a coat-very often they don't take the advice.

I dare say it varies in different schools but I am all for them making their own decisions.

I should say that I supply teach in quite a few schools and I do the same in all-I feel sure it is more or less the norm.

HSMM - That's a great idea, I though of it too . I offered (I'm crb checked) before as I noticed the children hadn't been doing any 1:1 reading (lack of TA) but the teacher said no thanks. I went to the head and she also said no. So I asked why they wouldn't accept the help that they obviously needed and was told it was school policy not to have parents in the school helping! Yet they have said they do not have the funding for an extra TA! Doesn't make sense to me. My daughter has done 1:1 reading at school just once since the start of term (1st Sept). We do it at home everyday, but that's not the point!

Piscesmoon, your school sounds sensible. I has issues in the summer, spoke to HT and everyone else about the suncream. I had to apply before school and the children were not allowed to bring it in at all! They are allowed to the toilet one at a time and have to "be quick". Dd has had accidents as she has to wait for the other child to get back before she was allowed to go. If they need to go just before lunch or playtime they are told to wait until the class is all ready. Water bottles are int he room but they are not allowed to get up to get a drink if on the carpet (reading, songs, circle time etc). They have to wear whatever they have bought in coat and jumper wise. So if it's a chilly morning and dd wears a cardi and coat then it's a hot afternoon she comes out of school wearing them too. It just doesn;t make sense.

I thought you were being a bit of a fussy mum, Hando! However you seem very sensible and to have some issues with the school. I can never see the point of not having parent help in the classroom-when I supply teach I always think-the more adults the better! She should have read 1:1 more than once.
Perhaps yr 3 would be the time to think of a change -HE or another school but take DD's views into account. You could just look at a few schools on your own while DD is at school-there is no point in unsettling her, but you could get more of an idea of what is available in your area.