to expect a parent to do something when a DS threatens to kill and punches my DS

[SingleMum01]

Can I have another parents perspective please. Boys (6) playing in the playground. A DS punches my DS and told the other boys to kill my DS. My DS in tears. What would you do?

hi singlemum , write a letter to the principle listing everything that has happened to your ds , we have gone through 3 years of bulling with my ds , speaking to the head got us no where & at 1 stage my ds was beaten up (9yrs) & kick in the head which lead to migraine headaches which he had to have an MRI scan , the head kept fobbing us off until i wrote a very matter of fact letter saying that if this was not taken seriously now i would be taking legal action against the school because they have a duty of care for my ds ,well the turn around of attitudes was amazing all of a sudden the principle rang to apologise & arrange a meeting with dh & myself , they couldn't do enough for us & ds in the end & the bully was put on a final warning which seems to have worked , although his mum did try to have a go at me for getting her ds in trouble , she told me that her ds had already keen kicked out of 2 other schools . hope your lo is ok x

I do agree with most things everyone is saying..but also wanted to add that the boy in question probably has no idea of 'kill's real meaninig. My ds uses 'kill you' all the time..and it drives me mad..but he means in a 'get you' sort of way...such as in tag, or in a computer game. He does not understand that to kill someone is to kill them dead iyswim.

But yes, a quiet word with the school does need to be had.

Swanriver - I do understand that ALL children matter and that behavioural problems can be the cause of this kind of behaviour. What I meant by zero tolerance is that the HT should deal with the whole situation straight away - whether that means getting assessments and help for the bully and the bullied, involving parents etc.

It is the way HTs just turn a blind eye, pretend it isn't happening, blame the victim, etc, that makes me so angry.

3littlefrogs you're right, having been on both sides, that sort of HT behaviour renders everybody powerless IME.

DS1 says kill when he is so full of emotion (fear or anger ussually) that he can't find a way of expressing it any other way, he can be violent but I don't think it'sever a calculated intention to kill or hurt but a kind of internal meltdown

You say no problem at home because he's not from a broken home, but there can be many other things wrong at home .one of the main ones I hvae come across is too much pressure /unrealistic expectations of parents for children to succeed at everything to get Dad's approval or attention , which of course causes their DC a lot of frustration.
Also rough housing is the normal method of communication in some groups of little boys.They don't really mean to hurt one another but just get a bit carried away.I don't know if this is the case with your DS's situation? Of course it does need dealing with but is a million miles away from bullying.
But certainly youir first port of call is the class teacher to make her aware.A lot of parents don't agree with letting their kids hit back.Debateable whether its a good thing or not.But it certain that kids pick on those they know aren't going to belt them back.

I don'ot think he gets a lot of attention at home. I understand that boys can play rough - I'm sure my own does too. However, as I was watching I know this wasn't just play, it was a deliberate punch.

singlemum try resist the urge to tell your ds to hit back , if he hits back you wont have a leg to stand on with the principle ,

No but it will most likely sort the problem !

Good advice here. I have to say, I do intervene if I witness this sort of thing between my sons and their classmates (DS2 is 6 as well). This boy's reaction to a gentle lecture might give you a bit more of a clue as to what is going on with him.

On occasions when I've intervened and spoken to the boy concerned (in a very reasonable tone) he has started crying and told him mum my DS wasn't being nice to him, even when I've witnessed what's happened!

At least my DS has come home happy from school so today hasn't bothered him too much.

And how does mum react to that ?

she's said to me that my DS has upset her DS. I said that's cos her DS has just been strangling my DS. It was all said very jokey.

Hmm. Sounds like the problem might be a lack of consequences for violent behaviour.

Keep on telling the school about any incidents and I hope the school will implement some sort of behaviour contract with the boy.

(Sorry, don't want to rule out any of the other possibilities behind his behaviour as described by Simplistica)