to want to delete this woman from my life ? We used to be friends....

[DONTTHINKIAMASADOPLEASE]

Hi all !

I have namechanged just in case of..

A year ago, I became closed friends with other mum from my ds's class. We got to know each other towards the end of the school summer term. I used to say hi and everything before and then we got talking, we met up for coffees, she invited me to parties, her birthday pary etc...we were in each other pocket, really, almost spending all our spare time together..She even called me her special friend. She even offered to host my 25th birthday party at her massssssive house and we did and it was great and I thanked her 10000 times for this great gift.

Then in september, I have started suffering of depression due to stress at work so I guess I was not making her laugh anymore..She has got an amazing job and a lot of pressure and I'm at the bottom of the career ladder.

As I tought we were closed I have confided in her, how I was feeling etc..but it was never just about me. I always loved listening to her news etc...

After my birthday, which were in october, she stopped calling me, texted me (when she could easily send 10 messages a day)..or answering sorry dont feel like talking...

I was invited at new years at hers, she desinvited me..

And in general completely ignoring me or being cold to me.

I was heartbroken.

In january, I went to a party where she was, and I had too much to drink and I tried to confront her, got the silence treatment and rolling eyes.

From that time until yesterday, I tried to act like normal, our relationship is really formal.

But its so hard for me because she started to go out again and we see each other and its so hard because we go out with all the mums from school.

Yesterday, it did hurt big time. I was talking and she cut me mid sentence just to talk about boring shoes...

Am I boring, a looney ?? Why is she like this ?

She is on my facebook, can I delete her or its going to make everything worst ???

I have to see her for the next 7 yearsssssssssssss !

Help and sorry for long post and I hope I make sense !

She is not worth your time or effort she sounds like a very cold person.
Don't give her the satisfaction of deleting or confronting her again people like this thrive on drama just smile sweetly when you see her always remember this old saying
"Living well is the best revenge".

Fab - its bizarre, I suddenly became a freak for her I think, a loser, a weak person...I was never going to used her as a free concillor.

Deleat her from your face book, and send her a final message asking her why she has gone funny and telling her how hurt you are.

She sounds like a complete arse. Don't delete her - it would give her a kick.

just be formal around her.

I once went cold on a friend. I had alot of things going off and she had things going off and I didn't want to 'burden' her with my feelings etc. I made it worse by making excuses not to go out (I really couldn't face going anywhere at that time) and was just a shitty friend really. She deleted me from facebook.

I think you just need to delete her from facebook and not 'try' to hard with her anymore.

It is very sad and hard when a friendship, especially a very good friendship, breaks down.

I've been thinking about this thread because it's reminded me of something that happened two or three years ago.

A woman moved to our area into a gorgeous big house. Her lifestyle and personality were/are really fabulous. She's really attractive and, well, has got it all going on, basically.

She seemed to home in on me when she moved here. I guess she was looking for friends. I guess I seemed to fit the bill... for a while.

The thing is, I was relatively new to the area myself too. I had PND and had recently given birth to my second dd (not long after I'd had my first). I was feeling really low and unconfident, and I was getting no help from family etc. We had no money. It was a tough time. She on the other hand had this fabulous life with a nanny etc and I guess I just felt as if I had nothing to offer her. At the time I had few local friends to introduce her to, and I guess my depression at the time must have shown through even though I kept pretending to be something I wasn't just to please her and to 'keep up'.

I was wary of her from the start, and again I tried not to let it show so reciprocated her interest, but still in the back of my mind I just wasn't sure about her...

Anyway, one day she told me about how the local Queen Bee of Even Greater Fabulousness had been on the phone to her, inviting her to this that and the other and I knew then I'd 'lost her'.

It didn't surprise me that when she found this exciting new group of mates she dropped me like a hot turd! About a year then commenced of me feeling sick and really down every time I saw her with her new friends. I felt like a sad old failure.

Nowadays things aren't so bad. I've cheered up immensely, got a fab new job, made a bunch of great friends and would say I'm pretty popular around the 'hood. I get on fine with her now and she's even (gasp!) invited me along to one or two things. I've also become quite close to a couple of her good friends. So I guess now I pass the fabulousness test. She still has funny days where she blanks me from time to time but I try to ignore it.

I do agree with the others that you need to get happy and make yourself an attractive person to be around.

But if that all seems to much effort all for her... well don't pressure yourself too much. But try to concentrate on building up your self esteem and your worthy friendships. Look after yourself. I do understand.

Sorry this is long!

"Living well is the best revenge"

You are completely right and I'm going to do my absolute best to have this in mind !

Thank you !

One other thing I'll add... these people hate sad people. They don't like to associate with weak people because it actually makes them feel inadequate and feel that it reflects on them and their own pitifully weak selves.

THIS IS PURELY DOWN TO THEIR OWN INADEQUACIES.

I think what might have happened is

You were special friends and in each other's pockets and she even threw your birthday party for you at great personal effort.

Then you immediately changed and rather than being a fun friend suddenly turned into an emotional drain. THis happened conveniently after the party

She felt used and dropped the friendship.

Every so often you confronted her and by the end she was just irritated by you so would roll her eyes.

She is aware you have to spend 7 years together so is attempting a social pleasantry but has no interest in rekindling any relationship with someone she feels used her and then changed.

this is her perception I bet. She has no understanding of depression, she just sees the affects on her. Many people are like this. I do not say you are at fault as you have no control over an illness. But this is the other side of the perception

I had a similar scenario with a woman at school and she is currently ignoring me. I feel like a 6 year old and really don't need the hassle.

I told this woman my mum had been diagnosed with lung cancer and we were waiting for her to find out what would happen next. She offered all kinds of support, but on the day my mum went to the clinic she grabbed me in the school yard.

She flagged up that my 8 yo dd wasn't talking to hers. I told her that I wasn't aware of any problems, but I'd have a word. It really wasn't what I needed, but I figured I'd try to resolve the issue.

Since then, the mum hasn't talked to me and today she cut me dead. I need this like a hole in the head. So I have to agree with everyone here and say, leave this woman alone. Keep your distance and don't worry about it. This is totally her problem, from the sound of things, not yours. If a friend can't support you when things are tough they're not worth bothering with at all.

I hope that you continue to recover from your depression and that you get support from the people who really matter.

Bolter - your story is almost my story..this woman was never at school due to her very demanding job...then we got friends and I introduced her to everybody and she was invited along (I couldnt imagine not too at the time) so she met all the other mums and get to make some friends..then well you know the story !!

Bolter good for you, I really want to achieve what yourself have achieved..

I'm feeling so much better talking about it with you lot, it does give me perspective as I was really feeling like a turd !

I think the key thing here is

'in each others pockets'

Me and my old friend were like this. We saw each other most days (which I enjoyed) But sometimes I just wanted to be on my own but didn't like saying.

being in each others pockets isn't good for any relationship, friendship or otherwise.

At least you do have some other good friends. I used to rely on the one, which wasn't a good thing either.

Yes, the 'in each pockets' thing is baaaad.

But I'm quite a cool customer with friendships anyway. It takes a while for others to get to know the real tiger within. Rrraaaarrraarrrrr

That is, unless alcohol is present then I'm anyone's best mate...

I do feel for you. It's horrible having the face people who you feel let you down.

I guess that having moved many times in the past few years I have found some friendships last and some surprising ones don't. It is like a boyfriend breaking up with you...only sometimes worse as 'my best friend won't play with me' sounds so much more strange!

Perhaps it has made me allow friendships to die naturally if they are not working on either side. Currently I am probably this friend to someone! And someone else is thinking 'can I be arsed to call her anymore'.
I do think perhaps a new friendship like this may strain under the weight of too many emotional pressures. Would I want someone I had only been friends with for a relatively short time confront me at a party?

Don't think too badly of her as it will be obvious in all your future actions. Just have a really good laugh with the people around her and be polite.

Firstly Dontthink awww bless you big hugs . This woman sounds vacious and superficial and personally you are better off without her, she has shown her true colours. Great friends do not do this, they are there when you need them and same with you, they accept you for who you are and dont judge. Yes i would delete her from your fb why have her as your friend when she is not. Just be civil to her, dont have to talk to her even.

yes i agree delete and ignore, she is obviously not worthy of your friendship anyway, you sound like a lovily person, she however does not.

people like that are not worth the time of day, hold your head high.

One thing op - this "friend" may not actually have everything going for her that you assume - the reason I am saying this is that if she was really happy in her life then she would not intentionally or unintentionally make you feel bad. If you find her behaviour icy or odd then it may say a lot about her than it says about you. Also you mentioned that she has made comments about weight to you - well when you think about it such comments are all about her, not you. Someone who is truly happy with themselves does not need to make comments like that - do they, i.e. make you feel bad so they feel better in comparison?

Sometimes, people who think they are at the top of the career ladder may cut people mid sentence without thinking - as they can do this in their job. They may have other people running around for them.

It can take a lot of guts to confide in others, admit you are not coping and stressed, and some people can't handle that - especially if they are driven to these goals of success.

Good luck.

I was never like this..it takes me years to build friendships..I mean, when I was 10 I met one of the closest friend I have, she reached the statue of best friend when I was 16 and we are still in touch even if we are in different country, when we speak we always start from where we left of..Same, 7 years ago I met my closest friend when I started dating my now dh...it took us a long time before we could consider each other close friends....so can you please explain to me why why why I fell for that lady ? Telling her all about my life, having plans with her like trips, holidays etc ??? I mean WTF happened to me ??? When I met her, I was happy and balanced and now I'm a complete differente person ! Why did it affect me so much ? Why do I still think about it everyday ? I'm oversensitive, its really bad !

Whatever her reason for not being pally pally with you anymore, there is no need for the rudeness of cutting you dead yesterday.

You need to have stood up and said, excuse me I was talking, it's rude to cut people dead like that, and stare her down.

You don't need her, she's the loser in this, not you.

Thanks snapple...I know she has some issue with her past reg familly and that is probably why she cant stand weakness.

Thank you all of you !

Depression makes it hard to be a good friend. Even my DH has said that he found it really hard to cope with me, and my overwhelming negativity. I lost all perspective, and all sense of humour.

If you've not known someone for that long, you won't realise it is an episode of depression. You may assume that they are turning out to be an arse, and proving not to be such a good friend after all.

Cut her some slack, it is not a soap opera, confronting her won't help. Just rub along as best you can, and live well as revenge.

DTIAASP, first of all, you are not a saddo!
And I think you are probably overthinking this whole thing. She is an insecure, shallow person that you thought you knew and now you have seen her for what she is.
Delete her from FB. Don't know about anyone else but for the most part, my FB friends are people I want to share my life with and she hardly qualifies for that privilege now. She won't get a "you have been deleted" message, so it's not like you will have made an announcement on the local radio, if she's half bothered, she may notice in due course that you're not on her list of friends and in that case, she'll know why, she won't have to ask.
Who needs "fairweather friends" anyway? I would say that the one good thing that has come out of your depression is that at least it opened your eyes to what this excuse of a person is really like.

She might seem yto have a succesful life but she isn't a very succesful friend if she isn't supporting you. She sounds like a cow and she isn't strong if she can't stand by you when you are low. She is weak.