To be irked that PIL called DD fat in a family-wide email?

[marenmj]

DH's father and his wife came for a 10-day visit.

DD is 8 months old and BLW + BF and occasional supplement formula when I am unavailable.

She has only just started to swallow some of her solid food. Up until VERY recently it has been more of a chewing-on-tasty-things hobby.

Step-MIL positively hounded me the whole time she was here, utterly convinced that DD was not eating enough because I wasn't keeping track of ounces. (honestly, how?? oh, switch to formula. right)

DD is happy, healthy, and even though she was born at the 9th centile she has climbed to a very respectable 67th centile.

Ok, doubting step-MIL I can handle. Obsessing that DIL isn't feeding the baby enough seems to be standard MIL fare. What ticks me off is that upon arriving home, FIL sent out an email to everyone in the family giving the highlights of their trip. He reported that DD was "fat, fat, fat" followed by a tasteless race joke. (sigh, par for the course with FIL I'm afraid ). Well a) she really isn't actually fat, she's barely even respectably chubby for a baby; and b) why would you call her fat in the first place??

I know he isn't MALICIOUS, but this was a couple weeks ago and it is still niggling. It's been too long to try to bring it up with him now (and from past experience I don't know that addressing it would somehow magically impart more sensitivity, so I tend to save my battles).

Please tell me I am not BU to be secretly bothered by this - even if I know they mean well.

Agree with whereyouleftit.

My Step-FIL went away and bought DS a present. I said 'oh, how did you know the size?' as obviously they wern't english sizes and it was in a packet. He said 'Oh I just asked what size to get for a fat, overweight 9 month old'.

Oh yes.

We have something in common OP.

Breathe.

They just don´t seem to have any idea, do they?

I think some older people just say what they want and expect to "get away with it" merely because they are old.

You wonder how their children made it to adulthood.

Is the word 'Fat' objectionable because Fat = Unloved and Unloveable in our popular culture? Just don't buy into that rubbish.

Oh, and another widespread belief:
Fat = Immoral and Lazy, so Somebody Must Be To Blame. Usually Blame the fat person themselves, else the parents in case of a child. Again, if you don't buy into that stupid line of thinking, there's no offense to be had.

WhereYouLeftIt has hit it on the head. He IS terribly proud of her, and doubly so because he didn't think DH would ever settle down.

Like I said, I really don't think he is being in any way malicious. It was just so different from the way they (particularly step-MIL) acted while they were here that it bothers me. And I know it shouldn't bother me, which is why I thought I would post it in AIBU because PIL always seem to make me feel like I am BU, bigtime.

Incidentally, DH's mum (DH's parents have both re-married, but there are more issues surrounding FIL because he remarried IMMEDIATELY when DH was ~5 and step-MIL made perfectly clear she wasn't interested in mothering her step-children) came for a visit when DD was 3 weeks old and would loudly proclaim how much she LOVED chubby babies whenever she held DD. (also made a big do of how much she LOVED BF babies whenever DD did a poo - MIL very loudly loves lots of things)

I think PIL's comment just bothered me because I am defensive about the way I have chosen to feed DD and felt a bit besieged about it while they were around (getting pressure from my mum about BF too). I would have been thrilled if he said it to her or us in person. Just the contrast I suppose.

sigh the politics of DH's step family is exhausting and something I'm not really used to coping with, but I REFUSE to let them spill over to DD. She doesn't need to know the 25-year catfight that is her grandparents.