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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To NOT want to spend a holiday with DH's friend?

11 replies

girlafraid · 30/09/2009 09:15

To cut a long story short - my DH has a best friend from childhood - he is a great guy and we get on well, he and his DW were witnesses at our wedding.

This couple are childless by choice and made it clear they ddn't really "approve" of our choice to have children, bit weird but I think they think they make the right decisions in life and people should be like them!

We haven't seen them since DS was born nearly 9 months ago. It is a a 5hr journey to be fair but they were driving via our town soon after DS was born and were going to pop in but decided not to as there had been some burglaries in their town and wanted to get back. I think that was a bit of an excuse, if they'd really wanted to I think they could have stopped in for a cup of tea.

We still speak to them on the phone and everything is fine but I don't see them coming to see us, this bothers me not at all tbh but DH is hurt and I know he misses his friend. Visits are often mentioned but never planned.

DH, DS and I are going to be able to take a 4 night mid week break next month and the idea has been mooted of going to stay at a hotel near these friends so we can see them.

AIBU to resent having to go there & drag DS on a long car journey when I feel they can't be a**ed to come and see us??

I think I am being a little bit U as the only person who really suffers from this is DH who wants to see his friend. He says we'll go where I want to go (Center Parks) but I know he would love to go there really - opinions gratefully recieved!

OP posts:

ClaudiaSchiffer · 30/09/2009 09:22

YABU

He's your dh's friend. He misses him - ok so he may be a bit of an arse but hey ho, no one's perfect.

groundhogs · 30/09/2009 09:27

who knows, perhaps your DH will see them in a new light... it's only a couple of days break, you can go to centre parks AND see them, but you can make the visit you have with them brief, cos you've got holiday plans.

Also bear in mind, that clearly they are not childreny people, so you can use this as a perfect excuse to only spend 2 hours max with them...

Go for it, a bit of give and take, and you'll come out of this a star...

TheMightyToosh · 30/09/2009 09:29

Can you compromise? Stay somewhere close by that you like, but that is near enough for one visit for an afternoon. So you get to pop and see them, but the rest of the holiday is yours?

I can totally understand how you wouldn't want to see them - it is hard not to take it to heart when someone 'rejects' your child.

But you have the chance to be the better person and show them how it is done, so I would take it, and then you can sit back and relax in the knowledge that the ball is firmly in their court and you are blameless. [bit smug, I know, but at least you can stop worrying about it and just let them get on with being killjoys once you have made the effort].

Rindercella · 30/09/2009 09:31

I think you should go...it's not like you're actually going to have to stay at their house (which would be a nightmare, imo, but then I am a miserable fecker who likes my own space ). Find a lovely hotel/B&B/apartment near (but not too near) to them. Arrange to see them the first or second day you are there.

As groundhogs says, you will come out of this a star

simplesusan · 30/09/2009 09:52

YANBU. Perhaps arrange to stay nearby but make sure that where you stay suits you and the baby ie is very child friendly.
You can then arrange a meet up and like others have said the ball is in their court.

Alternatively tell your dh that he could go and stay overnight with his mate on his own. That will firmly decide how much of a mate your dh friend really is.

2rebecca · 30/09/2009 10:29

9 months is a bit young for centre parks really. I'd be inclined to stay at home and let husband go. I found travelling with an under 1 year old not worth the hassle.

Rindercella · 30/09/2009 11:57

Agree with 2rebecca that Centerparcs might not be the best place with such a young baby. But...we had a lovely few days away with DD when she was that sort of age. It was just what we all needed - a change of scene, have nice food that I hadn't cooked, spend some proper time with DH, who had been working his socks off, and for DH to spend time with DD. It was fab

I suggest though that you carefully research where you are staying and make sure it is as child-friendly as possible.

thesunshinesbrightly · 30/09/2009 11:59

i agree with groundhogs

diddl · 30/09/2009 12:04

I think some compromise as suggested.

I´m wondering if they can´t have children and that is why the avoidance when they were nearby.

That said, the day after my second was born, my ILs drove straight past the hospital & didn´t pop in!!

Original poster

girlafraid · 30/09/2009 13:41

I believe they are childess by choice as he had the snip recently but she is so vociferous about not wanting them, who knows???

Thanks all for the sound advice anyway - we can rent a nice cottage in the Lakes (an hour or so from them) for cheap in Nov so that's a good comp[romise, DH i very happy and I look like a star - of course this is all thanks to my wonderful nature, not mumsnet AIBU!

OP posts:

2rebecca · 30/09/2009 18:23

Rented cottage in the lakes sounds nice. Cottages are good with babies as you can put them in a room and let them go to sleep, B&Bs can be awful as you can't let them cry so you're up and down half the night and the sleep training has to start all over again when you get home (did with us, would never go to hotel or B&B with under 18-24 months again.)

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