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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think i WASN'T being selfish?

38 replies

milknosugarplease · 30/09/2009 00:10

ok, so I have a friend who has two wonderful little boys. aged 3&4.

she's from a reasonably large family and last xmas they (her DS'S) recived so much stuff that the spare room was filled up, when my friend took it back to the various shops etc, she came away with £600!!!!!!!

that money and money they recieve throughout the year goes into 2 acounts-1 for things throughpout the year e.g. shoes etc and a savings account.

anyway, their birthdays are november and janurary so with xmas inbetween they end up with a very spoiled 3/4 months and nothing the rest of the year iygwim.

I;m trying to sort out who im buying what for xmas, i said to her that considering the amount of stuff they got last year, if it was ok i would give them a card each (she keeps all cards!) and would buy them something around april time, this way it's a be=it more spread around.

anyway she started REALLY going off on one saying i was selfish and ruining her boys xmas, if i was going to be this selfish i could forget about being godmother when they get chrisned (she v randomly asked me one night when DS2 was born and it has never been mentioned since!) she was disgusted that i wouldnt buy them a present etc etc

i never said i WOULDNT buy them a present i would just rather buy them something in april to give them something to break the year up iygwim

so WAS i being selfish? wwyd if someone offered to do this with your DC'S??

OP posts:

AmazingBouncingFerret · 30/09/2009 10:46

Im shocked that the kids had received £600 worth of toys from 1 christmas!! DS has probably had about that much in his whole lifetime and only because I work at ELC and enjoy a few ex-display benefits
Surely if she's returning all the toys the children arnt getting to play with them so if you were to buy them their gifts and either pay by card or not give her the receipt she wont be able to return them?
Either that or Gift Vouchers.
Very strange woman.

tillyfernackerpants · 30/09/2009 11:56

Yanbu, my ds's birthdays are in Dec & Jan, we now buy them a few bits for both but they get a present in the summer as well & my parents are doing the same this year. I think it makes sense and I do think she was a bit rude by having a go at you about it, she could've just said 'no thanks, I'd rather they have them on the day'!

Stigaloid · 30/09/2009 12:07

She is being well out of order. Even if you are godmother you are not duty bound to buy them presents. She sounds pretty horrendous actually - very materialistic and not much of a friend using threats against you because you won't buyther children presents they don't need, which she exchanges anyway.

Original poster

milknosugarplease · 30/09/2009 21:37

Thank you all for your replies

She is INCREDIBLY materialistic! she thinks everything is solved by throing money at it!!

She buys them designer stuff, both have a pair of uggs, convers, loads nike trainer and clothes, timberlands amongst other crap stuff! she only wants her boys to have "the best" they are both incredibly spoilt kids...

a complete credit to their Grandparents who teach them manners etc, but she sayd (and yes i quote!) "whats the point in them sayin thank you for something if they dont want it. if someone buys em sumin they dont like or i think is crap then i dont think they should say it"!!!!!!!!!!

her returning presents was ridiculous last year! the sheer amount was disgusting!!! they got bored opening them apparently!

i completly agree that kids shouldnt have to buy their own shoes out of their present money, she does get child benefit etc but considering how much she spends on their wardrobe it doesnt go far!! it would if she shopped in primark, supermarket clothes, adams etc-all of which are PERFECTLY acceptable and tbh nicer then alot of their clothes!

she's spent the day texting me and calling me about it-what are yopu going to do? are you going to bother getting them sumin? shoul i let them know milk isnt going to get them anything, save their dissapointment> etc etc

argh im really annoyed now! at this precise moment, they would only get a card from me...if that!

i would say it makes me feel bad and its not the boys fault etc BUT they get so much stuff and are to young to remember i think.

OP posts:

Alambil · 30/09/2009 21:48

how bloody selfish of HER. Money doesn't equal love - perhaps she needs to be told.

don't get them anything - they won't KNOW or CARE. They have more than enough, clearly.

I remember when DS was 4 - that christmas, he woke up and saw his stocking (a normal boot shaped one, not a giant sack type) and thought that was it - that was his presents! His face was a right picture when he saw the family pile under the tree - it's utterly disgusting that they got £600 in one christmas! I'm shocked!

Stick to your guns and tell her to stop acting like a three year old herself.

wheredidiputit · 30/09/2009 22:01

yanbu

DD1 birthday is a month after christmas and i'm always asking for people to get her vouchers so she can buy some 'summer' toys.

I would buy them tickets to a day trip so she can't cash them in and the children can have a nice day out.

She is going to suffer when they are teenagers with attitude.

valhala · 30/09/2009 22:15

"she's spent the day texting me and calling me about it-what are yopu going to do? are you going to bother getting them sumin? shoul i let them know milk isnt going to get them anything, save their dissapointment> etc etc"

That's emotional blackmail!

They are too young to realise or remember who bought what and certainly wouldn't know whether or not you in particular gave them a gift if they have so much that their awful mother can return their gifts to the shops without them noticing or bring distressed.

And as for not expecting the boys to say thank you for gift which they or she dislike... the poor kids, what sort of an example or start in life is that? IMHO its as bad a disadvantage as poverty. Its not often that words fail me but I'm bloody close to verbally challenged now!

I'm still open-mouthed at the sheer front of the woman. I'm also sorry to say that if I were in your shoes she would be told what a rude money-grabber she is and then to piss off.

busybutterfly · 30/09/2009 22:21

Buy them a small gift for birthdays/Xmas and an Easter egg at Easter. Wouldn't worry about the kids though, they sound like they get lots of stuff!!

piscesmoon · 30/09/2009 22:29

I don't get friends DCs anything anyway-I cut right down. However if you feel the need (although if she gets £600 I don't think it will ruin her DSs Christmas if you miss out!)I would get a book token then she doesn't need to take anything back and they get to choose-you can never have too many books.

Squiglet · 30/09/2009 22:34

ok, reading through the thread your friend sounds dire and her children very spoiled, however, my ds2 birthday is 2 days after xmas. He'll be 2. It has been suggested by my mum that we celebrate his birthday in the summer, but i disagree. He was born on the 27th and we'll celebrate it then as it isnt relevant that it falls near christmas to me. Also my ds1 is february and he doesnt get a summer birthday.

I do in the summer though buy them an outdoor gift for summer holiday time. This year is was garden play equipment. But I would ask family or friends to do this. Actually i wouldnt ask them to buy for my boys at all but am grateful if they do. The only thing that would upset me would be if ds2 got 'joint' xmas birthday present as I think that is unfair as they are 2 different celebrations.

Original poster

milknosugarplease · 30/09/2009 22:36

I know the boys won't remember if i haven't got a prezzie for them but i still feel guilty!

they've been through alot in their lives,

M gets PND after DS2 born and walks out,

Dad is single dad and moves away with them,

Mum decides she would like to see them a few hours each week after all

dad meets a new G/F who doesnt want kids,

he demads mum takes them back and doesnt want to see them coz his GF doesnt want them

they then move back to where they used to live-without dad

mum then moves them to somewhere else as shes "fed up of north london"

thats just the tip of the iceburg!

i think fir now i'll leave the present thing. they wont miss it, they'll have enough crap to open!!!

btw £600 worth of stuff was returned...at least £250 worth of stuff was kept!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

hambler · 30/09/2009 22:49

yanbu

she is being barking mad
and greedy

ConnieComplaint · 30/09/2009 23:01

Mad mad mad.

My dd birthday is December 24th. Ds is December 27th! I get them something small (last year dd wanted a CD and ds got playdough) 'cos they get enough from Santa & family.

However, come summer time I always buy them something for the garden, last year I got them child size picnic furniture, year before a paddling pool/slide thing....

I think you 'friend' isn't actually a true friend at all if she's worried about what you're buying the children for Xmas already

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