To keep son of school because of bullying

[claw3]

Sorry another bullying thread.

Ds 5.5 started school in January 2009. He has SN's. He has come home almost every day telling me someone has hurt him. He has had his lunch taken from him by an older child who sits on his table 'the buddy scheme' she also went down his pockets and took the silly bits and pieces he had in his pocket. He has been bitten twice. Hit in the face and poked in the ear with a stick, causing cuts to his face and ear to name but a few of the incidents.

Since going back to school in September, he has been poked with a stick making his finger bleed, pushed down the stairs by a boy in year 4, strangled by a boy in year 3 leaving marks on his neck and is basically pinched, punched, pushed etc at every play time. They call him weirdo and shitty pants etc.

Its not just one kid, doing the bullying, it seems everyone is jumping on the bandwagon.

I realised verbally talking to teachers about these incidents was getting me no where, so i complained in writing on the 22nd of this month.

A meeting has been arranged on the 30th of this month, in the meantime the school are doing nothing and just asking me to wait until the 30th.

On Friday as i spoke to the teacher in the playground, my ds approached a girl from his class and tried talking to her, she was grabbing him by his coat, pushing and hitting him. I said to the teacher 'look' and she replied 'oh yes, rough play'!!!!!

I want to keep him off of school until the school assure me they can provide a safe environment?

Mrsgok - Thanks i will make a note of that. Im feeling really rather naive when it comes to my rights and the rights of my son.

Im not to bothered about the anti bullying policy only being given to me at the meeting. The one thing i have learnt is that verbally means shit, i put everything in writing and will insist they do the same!

Hi Claw,

A sensory diet is meant to be way more than a brushing program and if he reacts badly to brushing she should be leaving that aside and moving on to one of many many other ways to help your son with sensory issues. Leaving him until he's ready for treatment is completely unacceptable - sensory problems are known to get worse over time if untreated.

I would ask directly if your OT has undergone the sensory integration training as some do, some don't. Once I discovered our OT actually wasn't qualified in SI and we requested a transfer on that basis, things improved a lot. My son now has SI sessions with a qualified OT. Sounds like you have a good basis to ask that your sons OT care be transferred anyway...

In the meantime I'm sure your head is spinning with lots of reading and I don't know what your sons issues are but addressing the sensory ones can be a good start towards making things easier for him. I found this book very helpful, as did some others on the SN threads here:

Sensory Processing Disorder Answerbook (Delaney)

It covers lots of things in a quick Q and A format so you can dip in and out for the info you want. Be useful if a lot more of the material was like that!

claw3

He should have an IEP as a matter of course if he is on SA plus. Not 100% certain though that this is an actual legal requirement but all the people I know whose children are on SA plus have IEPs in place.

Make a stand and don;t accept any BS from these people. Your son is being badly failed by the school who is supposed to be helping him. At the very least I would seriously consider HE or another school regardless of the guture outcome. Certainly do not send him back to this current school; they simply do not seem at all interested or bothered.

You need to document every single incident and every single conversation you have with any member of staff.

Ask for a copy of the antibullying policy and go through it with a highlighter.

Write a letter to the head enclosing a log of incidents and conversations plus responses/action from staff.

Photograph and log any injuries - have them recorded by your GP.

Request a meeting, and take notes.

Continue your log of events.

If no improvement within the time agreed at the first meeting, write to the head again, and copy all to the governers and the LEA.

Look on Kidscape for further advice.

Mention child protection, assault, safeguarding, duty of care, and every child matters. (Key phrases that generally put the wind up hopeless head teachers).

HTH

Claudia - The bad session happened at the end of December and he was due to start school in early January. So she thought it would be a good idea to observe him in this environment and then provide sensory diet 'once she got to know him and how he reacted'. None of which she did anyway. As for getting worse, he is retreating more and more into his own little world every day.

She is trained in SI, but totally crap regardless!

As for transferring, i have moved Boroughs so will be transferring any way, but because i have made an official complaint, i cannot be transferred until the complaint has been dealt with ARGH! its a total mess from start to finish.

She is attending the meeting tomorrow, Oh joy! the OT i have complained about and the SALT who i also complained about, wish me luck!

SPD is one of the things my ds has, well Sensory Modulation Disorder, SPD is the umbrella term and SMD falls under it. I have been reading lots about it, but i havent read that book yet, will have a google, thanks.

Attilla - This has been my arguement with the school, why he is on the special needs, action plus, if he is not receiving any help from the school or outside agencies!

The school have been waiting for outside agencies to take the lead and the outside agencies ie OT, SALT have basically done a runner.

So my ds has definitely been failed by the system. I made an official complaint to the Primary Care Trust about OT, SALT and Paed and their inconsistent care in August and im currently awaiting the outcome.

My complaint has rattled some cages, Paed has been on the phone with an appointment (6 months late) OT and SALT have both been into school and it would appear that the ball has finally started to roll.

We are currently awaiting replies from referrals from CAHMS, TAHMS, incontinence service, sleep clinic, feeding clinic etc, etc.

This has been going on since my ds was 18 months old, its just one big circle of appointment after appointment and NO ACTION.

Yes SGM i did type it and will have no qualms about sending a copy to the people you suggested.

I seem to have meet more than my fair share of twats here in London!

Must dash school run.

Thank you everyone for your helpful advice and moral support, i will growl at the teacher when i pick up ds

Best of luck for your meeting tomorrow. Sounds very punitive that they won't transfer you till a complaint has been investigated. And a bit unethical! I would politely ask them if they are saying you have to withdraw your complaint or face further delays in getting help for your son? Because thats effectively the threat they are making.

Good that you are transferring boroughs though. We had 7 OTs in less than 2 years none of them seemed to know what to do and passed my son to each other like a hot potato. Then with the 8th one we struck gold and she did more to help in the first month than the previous 7 put together!! Hope you get lucky. Come on and update us tomorrow night.

Picked son up from school today. Class teacher whispering in his ear before he ran over to me. Ds seemed happy enough telling me what teacher had obviously just told him to say about how well he managed getting changed for PE that day. He is also smothered in stickers and telling me about how he got each one (they really do take parents for idiots)

In the car driving home, he then tells me he got a happy face on the board for being good and that X got a sad face for pushing him and kicking him in the stomach!

Later on just before bed he then asks me can i write him a note to give to the older boys who also hit him asking them to stop apparently sitting at the lunch table in school, girl starts calling him names and swearing at him, he puts his hand up near her face and tells her to stop. Two older boys then walk over claiming to be girls brothers then tell him 'thats our sister', poke him in the forehead, slap him round the back of the head and chest, also boy on table behind is swearing at him while this is going on.

DP is taking day off of work tomorrow, ds will not be going into school and i will be attending meeting tomorrow.

I cant help but cry, every time i think about it.

Claw just wanted to offer a bit of hand holding I am on here because I can't sleep due to dd having a terrible time at school.
I know exactly how you feel I just want to grab my dd and never take her into school again we are now looking into HE as I ams eriously worried for her mental health if this carries on anymore.

I know it is not donw on here but hugs to you and your lovely DS.

Thank you, im past caring what anyone thinks, so hugs back at you too

Im just listing dates and incidents,there are about 30 and he only went back to school on the 7th and had 3 days off for surgery. They are making his life a bloody misery.

And SENCO had the bloody cheek, to say we should all help Jacob to focus on the positives of the day and not the negatives. I could stick her stickers right up her arse.

Im up so late trying to find the email addresses for LEA and board of governors.

Look if that was my dc I would just remove your dc from school and move him to another one. The school shounds dreadful, he should not have to endure a the bullying and b the schools lack of interest in doing anything.

Piglet - Thats exactly what i feel like doing. But my concerns are there are no guarantees that he wouldnt have the same problem at another school.

I need to serious think about HE.

Little advice to offer here Claw except that to say DD2 (12 years) has suffered similarly and like you I have had offers and promises from the school but no action. I'm about to hand in a formal complaint to the Head tomorrow (procedure says her first and Governors later if I'm still dissatisfied but I'm tempted to cc them in anyway although I'm unsure if I'll be shooting myself in the foot by doing so).

I have Home-Ed DD in the past and know that she was safer and happier then, in my case I am not really in a position to do so now, health-wise and economically or practically (car-less, without support, in a small town and skint!). I know though that it is a good thing to do and nothing to be frightened of if you are able to manage it.

In the meantime, keep fighting. Just one word of warning - DD has on occasionn over the past 9 months since joining her school refused to attend because of bullying. Education Welfare called me yesterday accusing ME of refusing to send her and thus reminding me of the sanctions of such an action although it was DD who refused. When I told the EWO this he said that I must provide a GPs certificate to prove that DD was refusing to attend due to bullying, which apparently is the norm in such cases.

Luckily for me DD has been seen by her GP for sleeplessness caused by the bullying (she went at her request, not mine, and only told us that she wasn't sleeping BECAUSE she feared the bullies when talking to the GP), so hopefully he will be able to provide a med cert as proof of this.

If you don't take your DS to the GP and record injuries and also get his backing and thus a med cert as to why he is not at school I fear that you will be blamed for his absence, which will go down as unauthourised, and be in deep sh*t, so I would strongly advise you to consult your doctor and get his support asap.

Good luck and remember, you may feel alone but you really are not - you have the support and sympathy of so many parents and my heart is with you.

OMG this thread is making me well up. I can't offer any practical advice but am sending you hugs. How hideous for you and DS to be going through this. The school/teacher have a duty towards your son and are failing him

Sorry to hear about your poor ds - the school are failing him. It is often very hard work trying to get schools to deal with bullying - the advice to document everything is good, also try the andrea Adams trust for advice and support. Good luck for today, are you going alone or with your dh / a friend?

awww your poor ds claw, i would do personally do it if it does not imporve. I have heard of people moving their dcs school because of bullying and they are so much happier, worth a try if the school cannot be bothered to do anything. Its not only the bullying its their bad attitude that its 'normal' that is the problem. I would look at a couple of schools in your area if poss and talk to the head about the bullying policy and see if they take bullying seriously.

Thinking of you today Claw. Hope you manage to get something resolved.

just seen this ,is there anyone you can take with you to the meeting ? Having someone there for support/backup and also another person to hear what is being said would be very useful. I remember my dds teacher completely denieing something she said to the speacial needs assesor ,basically making me out to be a liar . I also now when approaching the teachers ,try to pretend in my mind that i am talking about someone else ,which helps to stop me getting emotional ,easier said than done .Good luck

I would keep him off school and also tell the school you are going to complain to the LEA. I once threatened to keep DD3 off school ( well I actually did keep her home for a day) when she was bieng bullied at high school. They then quikly started to monitor her more closly and put her on a teachers mentoring system where she could go and tell this teacher if any incident happened and she had regular talks in a group to boost her confidence,

Take him out of school, call the school and the LEA and tell them you are going to sue them under the health and safety act as they have to provide a safe place of work for you son (school is covered in this) write to the governors out lining your concerns and keep a diary of each indecent.
Trust me they will pull their fingers out and start to address these things.

Poor poor little boy