To Want FIL un-invited over Christmas?

[CakeForBreakfast]

I am expecting my second baby in early Nov. Assuming (s)he arrives on time, by Christmas time I will have as 6-7 week old newborn, as well as dc1 (2yo) of course!!

Myself and dh agreed already that we will 'hide' this Christmas and have a nice quiet one together with our newborn, no other family. BUT, I have now learned that fil plans to come over for Christmas.

FIL (divorced from mil) lives abroad so we only see him once or max twice a year, ours are his only gc's. He would need to stay at our house. It wouldn't be for long,last year he stayed for just 3 days.

I was livid when I found out. Dh thought I would be fine with it as fil would not have another opportunity until summer to see the new baby and I have always welcomed in-laws.

The topic has become a little prickly now between dh and myself. I can make a big stink and insist he is uninvited, but I don't really know what to do. On one hand, I do alot for my in-laws and treat them like VIP's whenever they visit and every Christmas for the 4 years has centered around them. So I thought my request of a quiet one should have been respected. On the other hand, I get on fine with the in-laws and will feel like an ungracious tool if I make fil uninvited and he can't come to see the baby.

I am hormonal. I barely trust my feelings. What should I do?

In truth, I am still a bit sore that dh invited his dad over when we had agreed a quiet one. I don't think he actually believed me when we had originally agreed it as I am the more family oriented one. I think he has been taken by surprise at my anger and thinks I hate his family! What wally's men are

FIL is nice but clueless, makes offers of help but just means carrying plates over to the table etc, not washing up or help cooking, but I will get him to entertain dd. I actually think he will be aghast at me b/feeding and has been very used to being well looked after at all his visits and constantly reassured at how pleased we are to have him. It will be quite a shock, I really hope I do have the bollocks to wander around in my dressing gown and not try too hard to look after him first.

MIL will respond kindly, she is more understanding, but she was also told that we were having a quiet one, so now I can assume she thinks we no longer mean it and will invite us round one of the days around xmas. I have pre-emptively told dh NO to this as its quite a journey, she and the gang can come round here for a day visit whenever, but they have to bring some food!!

The whole reason for my fuss is that I am kakking it a bit because remembering dd, the 6-8 week mark was the "darkest part of the night" where accumulated broken sleep and no set routine takes it toll before it starts to get better? What were your experiences of adjusting to 2nd baby in those newborn weeks?

Hi, I had my 2nd daughter on 28th Nov. 1st daughter was 22 months at the time. We moved house on 8th December into a house which needed totally renovating (I mean no double glazing, no decent bathroom or kitchen). I can't remember much about that Xmas, I went to my mom's for lunch and the in laws came to stay a couple of days after xmas. I think I reached the point where I was past caring about looking after everyone else & just concentrated on me and the baby. My husband dealt with everything else. I think everyone understands that you may not be yourself in the first few weeks of having a newborn, you might be feeling stressed, tired, hormonal etc etc, so wouldn't worry about offending anyone by not being the perfect hostess, anyone with half a brain will understand. On the other hand, I found that I was far more relaxed with the 2nd & she just kind of fitted in with what the rest of us were doing. x

YAB a bit U

But I can understand why you feel like you do

What does YABU mean? Sorry I'm new to this, don't understand all the terminology!

I think you are being really uptight.
It's not a brand new baby.
If you don't want to wait on him, then don't. Go out a lot, and/or get your dh to do stuff for him.

Anyway, what's the big deal with whacking a chicken or turkey in the oven? I cooked (voluntarily) for 14 people when dd (terrible screamning colicky baby) was 6 weeks old exactly.

fOXY, you are being unresonable

I think the big deal is that they'd both agreed on a quiet Christmas with no guests and husband then invites his dad.
I think inviting guests should always be a joint decision, at Christmas more so.
I would never invite anyone for Christmas, or agree to go anywhere for Christmas without discussing it with my husband first.