to be hurt and worried my dd called me weird and slow and dh joined in laughing!

[thickandslow]

While answering various quesions all at once this am my dd lost her temper with me,said I was incredibly slow and took ages to answer people ~because I'm weird and slow and everyone says so!

I asked dh to tell her not to be rude and he said I was like that woman on the last series of the apprentice[plain with glasses an a bit irritating] who was described as a "slow burner"!!

I might add I am going back to a profeesional career on monday and have been a SAHM for years ~ so cheers guys !!

Your husband sounds like a charmless numpty. Poor you. It's part of the job description of teens to be mean and test boundaries but he has no such excuse. It's in his job description as a dad to let your daughter know she's overstepped the mark and as your "helpmeet" to be supportive and loving. Grrr to him. I would give him the cold shoulder and when you have a private moment tell him he's a wanker out of order both as a partner and as a parent.

The problem is ,everyone[we are five] walks into the kitchen with a question for mum..and dh is the worst!

In the morning he will bring up several topics like loans,endowments,building work etc ~ none of which he could be bothered to talk about last night and none of which he really wants an answer to as he sees it all as my job~ in other words he is not having a conversation,he is off loading any queries/stress he can for me to deal with.

So he gives a constant barrage of questions out of the blue and the dcs ask about money,lifts,people coming over tonight etc all at once!

It seem to be only me they ask ~ because they know if they go to dh he is no help.

I may be being a bit sensitive but that is because there is an underlying lack of respect for me that really does get me down.

Also because this am little ds was upset in case I won't be looking after him in the holidays as I will be working ~ bless!

Your DD was rude, but to my shame I can remember being horrid to my mum at that age too. We still tease her about being scatty, but I would never say something so nasty.

Your DH was inexcusable.

Give them alloted times to ask such questions?

It may be better for me to say"Hold on a moment please I am doing such and such" then giving my proper attention.
dh only asks questions he doesn't answer them.

scummymummy ~ yes!
I told her,but I really feel he should tell her too and behave better himself.

Grrr

I get fed up with these personal comments from dd ~ she does it a lot.

She then needs to be put in her place by me yes but also by her dad and what hope is there if he's joining in?

I'm dreading when my 2 dd's get to teenagers!!

I remember saying some really hurtful things to my mum which when I look back now were for a reaction/attention born out of teenage frustration.

Don't take it personally, but tell her in no uncertain terms not to speak to you like that.

I remember if my Mum said quite sharply "DON"T Speak to me like that" I would probably shuffle off to crawl back under my rock!!!!

Your DH should definitely have backed you up though. I would have a serious word when everyone's back to being happy again - play on the fact that parents showing a united front is the way forward in stamping on discipline problems.

Good luck with your new job

thickandslow

please change your name and stop being upset about this.
You are taking what they said when the truth is that they just chose something to be rude about and struck on a way to offend you. They should feel ashamed of themselves.

I have a 16 year old son and if he EVER spoke to me like that the sky would fall in on him. And DH would not laugh at something like that because he would not be offensive.

If I were you. Calmly tell your DD that she was being incredibly rude and being a teengaer does not excuse that. If she considers you stupid then you will feel free to regard her as a rude brat and she is welcome to do her own washing, cooking, tidying etc and find a way to earn some money rather than you paying for anything - as she is so incrredibly intelligent that will not be too challenging for her surely.

And I would explain to DH in very calm and short words - so he REALLY gets it - that sneering at you with his daughter is hurtful and contemptible. He really should think about whether this incredibly funny line of humour is one he wants to persue.

And can we PLEASE accept that just because teenagers can be stroppy and hormonal does not mean that we just accept it. It is not good behaviour and this is the very time of their lives when teenagers should be having what is acceptable and what is not very clearly defined for them - rather than excused.

( I would then tell him how funny I find it that he has a small and misshapen penis and can't wait to tell DD and her friends )

Seriously. If he starts mocking you and aligning himself with your DDs rudeness he is crossing a line of unity that parents should share. A joke is a joke but this is snyde and hurtful. Explain that to him. And make sure he understands that if he does it he will be doing it in the full knowledge that you regard it as very upsetting.

Thanks

great post Pagwatch!

what about smartandbouncy or sassyandspry or is that too Boden?

And ditto to good luck withthe new job..

that was to fraggle obviously.

pagwatch~ I took it on board because I think I was being a bit slow partly because she was home early from school yesterday as she was ill and I was wondering if she was better and if she will be fit for the jab on monday{she has a health condition] and partly because I do actually feel rather tired and dozy today.

That does not excuse her rudeness but it explains me worrying about it.I am thinking I may have slowed down a bit since I was last working ~ dh knows I am a bit worried about this.

You have hit the nail on the head with crossing theline of unity ~he does the same with little ds and is his way of being dominant and ds knowing dh "is the boss of me" as ds said last night.

dd was incredibly rude and I shall tell her so tonight in front of her boyfriend if necessary.

Perhaps insist that in future all school things are dealt with the night before, tell hubby to STFU with his dronings on about whatever, and that breakfast is just that-breakfast.

Is this more like it?

fair enough.

But you do realise that you are allowed to have a day when you are tired and off form without her shouting at you about it? If she came into the room looking awful would you feel it was OK to say "bloody nora - you look grim"

The truth of what she said is really not the issue. It could be true but that does not make it any more acceptable for her to say it.She was rude but she could equally have said "gosh mum I know you are busy but you really are as thick as a plank" and that would have been just as out of order.
Would she tell her teacher she thought she was thick, or her boss.
Don't excuse it

As for feeling a bit dozy - try not to worry about this. We are busy and we take on responsibility for the minutia of our families lives. By the time you have worried about your own job/responsibilities and then the childrens clothes, and school things and homework and food, we get mentally tired.
And we can do 29 things perfectly but the only thing our families mention is the one thing we forgot - so we start to focus on our failings.

You will feel better, get much more positive feedback and feel more functioning when you are working. So don't let this incident hit your confidence.

You will be fab because you are fab

wiseandwonderful

perfect!

thanks pagwatch how kind

I don't think I am slow but I am a bit tired today.
The problem is in our house everyone speaks at once ~ to me.
She has been rude and she has been well taught by her father.

Hopefully work will either give me a different outlet and perspective on things and the chance to change things at home or to move on with my life.

Much better wise&

I like your new name.

One thing I just noticed, you say that your DH knows that you are worried that you might not be up to speed for going back to work. All the more reason for him to encourage you, not put you down. That is just nasty.

Pagwatch convinced me, btw. Her age is not an excuse for being horrible to you.

Next time the kids are all asking you things, put your hand up and say 'there is another adult in this house.'

Then walk away and see how well the other adult deals with it -

not very, would be my bet.

You should have karate chopped your DH in the neck and said "that wasn't very slow was it? Hmm?"

Mmelindt that is so true ~ that is why I have taken it to heart.Surely he wouldn't do it on purpose?

Merrylegs ~ he is like a child albeit a very arrogant one.That would not go down well lol.

MamaG ~ ha ha

My ds1 and his gf just cam back all happy and sweet so that has cheered me up a bit

Thanks diddl ,gorionine ,pagwatch and all of you