to have wanted to slap a mother in Primark today?

[SqueezyCheese]

She had 2 children, aged probably about 2 (girl) and 4 (boy). The 2 year old was in a buggy and screaming blue murder. The wee boy was being dragged by the mother all the way thru the shop screaming his head off. The mother slapped him from one end of the shop to the other. The boy screamed even more and she continued to slap him and shout at him to "shut up, you're embarrassing me, stop screaming like a girl". The poor wee guys face was bright red, the more she hit, the more he cried

I was in a really irritable mood anyway but I felt a HUGE MASSIVE surge of anger at this woman. I honestly felt like going right over slapping her and saying "how the fuck do you like it?". I felt it was not my business though and shot her a very dirty look instead. Not that it bothered her one bit as she kept on.

Honestly. What would anyone else have done in that situation. I am home now and am still thinking about that little boy being dragged and slapped. Should I have done something?

Princesstoadstool i dont think so somehow. You are being quite judgy imo and not everyone shares your opinion on parenting. There are quite a few kids out there with such appaling behaviour terrorising people and thuggish behaviour that need a good smack. Somehow the naughty stip or time out does not always work.

I am not on the side of that parent in Primark and would certaily NOT drag or slap my child.

Could just have told her you were going to call the police? I mean loads of people have been arrested to smacking their children haven't they
It would all be on the security cameras anyway.

I was in a local clothes shop last week & a mother was yelling at her daughter, "Stay beside me, don't go away, don't move, don't speak. In fact don't fuckin breath cos I'm fed up lookin at you."

I made a tsk sound and looked at her.... she put her hands on her hips, looked at me and said "And what the fuck is your problem?"

I felt like a coward, standing there blinking back tears looking at the wee girl... but what could I have said that would've made a difference? The woman could have been the most loving mother ever & was having a really bad day...

People usually have lots of stress built up when they hit in public and I think once they start they can't stop. We have no idea what stress she was under.
Just pray that its not YOU next time that loses it.

I just dont have problems with the occasional smack on the bum or leg and as a last resort after i have tried everything. Parents are not perfect and it is easy to do not do the ideal thing in a situation.

Hi,

I remember being out shopping without my kids a few years back. There was a women, probably about my age, who had a little lad of no older than two in a buggy and he had been kicking off and this woman started shaking his buggy very vigourously. The poor lad was being thrown everywhere. It was a horrible sight, but I went up to the woman, said to her you look like you need a cuppa, and took her to BHS for a cup of tea. She calmed down, he calmed down (with a drink and bickie!) and she thanked me. I dont think for one minute she was a bad mum, just a stressed one, and we can all get stressed with our kids from time to time. I am sure though that she would have gone further than shaking his buggy round had no one stepped in (everyone was watching and tutting, but no one did anything to help)
Lord knows my son is enough to bring out the worst in anyone when we are out shopping, even now! I could quite happliy throw him out of a second floor window when he is at his worst, but I never go that far anymore!
I dont think yelling at or hitting the woman would have helped though.

It is very difficult. I saw a small child of about 3/4 in Somerfield the other day. He did seem a bit tired and whingy, but he was in his preschool uniform and had evidently just finished for the day.

His mother smacked him (once) for taking to long to decide on what sweet he wanted. tbh he didn't even seem to want a sweet, he looked knackered. Probably wanted to go home for a rest and cuddle and cbeebies, not be dragged round Somerfield.

They left the shop at the same time as dd and I, I was walking behind them. Again he was a bit whingy but she was disproportionately (imo) angry at this. Nagging on at him and he was holding his Kinderegg and looking very miserable. It was almost as if she couldn't see he was tired, and was trying to make out he was being really awkward.

Obviously I don't know what had been going on earlier in the day for her or for him, I found it very though.

OOOh connie that sounds like me. But i am so scared of my dd getting lost or taken that i am trying to teach her to me near me and to hold my hand, and just to stay within a certain vicinity. She does not like the wrist bands though i should really try to get used to them. I just think of poor Jamie Bulger and what happened in that split second. i also remember what a bugger i was when i was out, getting lost at the beach when i was 4, getting lost generally and my poor frantic mother panicking and crying. It was different 25 or so years ago, now all sorts of horrid things can happen to children.

yes stefief you hit the nail on the head there

Stephief you sound very kind.

At the end of the day parents are only human with faults and do not always do the ideal thing does not make them a bad parent imo, kids bring out the best but also the worse in you and they can really push you to the limit. There is no EXCUSE whatsoever for child abuse like Baby P and others like him

although this woman sounds out of order, you shouldnt judge on just a snippet of their day. She sounds stressed by the two children and someone adding their opinions would not have been helpful.

I dont agree with slapping/smacking

However its very hard as you never know the context.

My DD (20 months) throws major tantrums and did in John Lewis the other week, the woman at the till said "poor baby, shes had enough of shopping now mummy". We had been out for 15 minutes. I can see how my DD could well give the impression of being hard done to and how some people may judge me for dragging her around the shops, when all I was trying to do was return one item (hers) to one shop.

Sometimes I suspect I have been overly sharp (verbally) with her in public just because she has driven me to the edge. (I once said "thats it mummy is going to work full time and leave you with nana" )

I obviously dont hit her (and the repeated slapping by this woman is a worry ) but I can see why people are tipped over the edge.

I dont condone the slapping. Guess just trying to say that she might be a good mum 95% of the time?

i don't agree with smacking , but it is allowed by law and so i wouldn't have known on what grounds I could intervene.The fact that the one in the pushchair was screaming too makes me wondeer whether the older one had done something very horrible/painful to him .
As Pamelat illustrates words can be a lot more damaging than a smack on the bottom.

Was in Debenhams at the weekend doing dh's annual stocking up of suits and a little girl of about 2 was shrieking in her pram. She could be heard almost through the entire store, and her mother kept tipping her back in the pram and telling her to "sodding shut up" whilst she and her OH (who completely ignored his dd) were looking at suits.

I didn't feel it was serious enough to intervene (and I wasn't brave enough) but still not pleasant. I copped out and asked dcs to go and play peek a boo and wave to cheer her up which they did brilliantly. The girl's mother didn't even acknowledge them, even though the quiet must have been a blessed relief.

chavy mum was in the bank today screaming at her 4yr old because he was getting in the way of the buggy she was pushing with a 2yr old in. Lad in front of me looked at her in suprise and she turned round and said at full blare, 'if anyone looks at me while I tell MY own kid off I'll headbutt them!!'

Proof if ever it was needed that fertility is not based on morality .

Poor kid, repeated slapping no matter what sort of day/week you are having is OUT OF ORDER. I was hit(not beat-nothing excessive or gratuitous. I got a smack when i was naughty) by my mum and remember it vividly. I hated it and it made me terrified of my mum. still am.
Dont hit someone a fraction of your size who depends on you for everything. So damaging.

That said, I would hope that I would have stepped in with a kind word that distracted the poor woman. Dunno though, if she looked intimidating would have done nothing and felt just like the OP.

I did go over to someone who was verbally laying in to her son, can't remember if she was hitting him, and she came over later to thank me. I was supportive of how hard it can be sometimes but made it very clear what she was doing was not on and was my business as we should all look out for other people - especially little people.

I agree that the woman was out of order in primark, but want to know if anyone has hints for dealing with dangerous situations.

My Ds (almost never taken shopping unless absolutely no other choice) is 4 1/2 and is too heavy to pick up especially if I'm holding the shopping and the hand of DD. He will often throw a tantrum and just lie down in the middle of the pavement, precinct or whatever - busy, crowded, traffic, dirty, etc. so cannot just leave him there. He also misbehaves on escalators. I HAVE to drag him out of the way.

Yes smacking is not the way to go about it and only do it once in a Blue moon, but try different ways before resorting to it. However arnt we going down the road that you are not even allowed to raise your voice at a child, they push boundaries and can be little buggers and your job as a parent is to show them the boundaries which sometimes involves raising your voice and being scaryfirm. At the moment there is so much namby pamby parenting, teachers are not allowed to raise their voices at children incase they damage them psychologically, bull! I used to work in a comprehensive school and the lack of disrespect for authority was shocking, being rude to the teachers, and sometimes violence towards them.

Sometimes kids need a good telling off, whats wrong with that. Yes of course they have rights granted, but also have to learn responsibility.

womble - don't take him on escalators! They're really dangerous with children!

My DD does this in shops and on the street. I make sure, if I can, that she is not tired when I want to take her out. We have a little talk about where I need to go and how long it will take and how it is important that she is good.

If she lies on the floor I say "OK, you want to stay here with the shop lady do you? Bye bye then, I'll see you tomorrow." Then I hide somewhere near but out of sight to watch her. She always sits for a bit then gets up, looks worried and runs after me and I say "OH GOOD! You want to come? I would have been sad without you if you'd stayed in this shop!" and we have a cuddle and then she's normally fine. We always have a little talk when we get home about how it was naughty to lie down and it just made us take longer to finish what we were doing.

Not much you can do about it though I think! My bro was like this, he carried it on till around 8. He used to kick my mum repeatedly in the shins everyday on the way to the car because he wanted to stay in the playground and play footie with his mates.