to be on bad terms with my husband these days now because of his sister?

[disillusionedmum]

To cut a long story short. My DH's sister has chosent o have her first baby here in the UK as she is married to this old rich businessman. You'd think she would arrange everything herself with her "accomplished " husband and she isa doctor herslef but she is practically making my Dh do everything for her even book their hotel room!I feel totally exaspertaed at her laziness and selfishness. And to make things worse after her husband drops her and goes she wants to stay with us at our small flat with our two kids! I am fuming at this.She is not our responsibility and she should rely on herself and her husband should be there for her instead of putting his money and business before all! Please tell me if i am sounding horrid [hmm ]

I would be angry with thiis. You aren't asking your husband to throw anyone out. You're asking him to stick to the original arrangement of sorting out his sister in a nearby hotel. There isn't a bedroom for her, she sounds much more wealthy than you. I presume the family selfishness has been going on for a while. A week or 2 is fine, but 2-3 months sounds a bit unbelievable. I'd be threatening to chuck him out to stay with her at the hotel if she needs company so much.

that is it gals..i see her decision as selfish and it makes me sizzle big time..i don't hate her i just hate that she has decided to impose on us like this..she is very rich and her husband is always away so my guess is she feels he is unreliable but still it is not our problem..she should sort out her life first..my in laws are well off too and i would have suggested she go to Kuwait where they currently live and work instead of coming here but she is so secretive and only brokw the news she is coming here recently..and unfortunaltely my man wats to please his sister and parents ..i have argued with him over this and i have decided to tell her very politely the situation she will find herself in when she does come over..i don't want any strifes but i want my life!

I assume she knows that there isn´t room for her at yours?

Why is your hubby so concerned about pleasing his parents and sister when what she´s asking really isn´t workable?

We all like to help family when it´s possible.

But when it´s not possible, it´s not!

OrmiIrian: we did not suggest anything to her ..she made up her mind and told us fullstop..her two brothers have done everything for her from booking her speiclaist appointmnet..to booking her hotel...if she ahd been more open and talked to us about her wish i would have not deemed her a nuisance cause i would have felt she was in need of us sympathised with her as i have two kids myself..
Stiagloid: that is WHY ia m furiosu with DH cause he seems to not include me in this which is exactly what his sis did when she made up her mind to come..see what i mean? it is how this all has happened not why..

usually when you want to go stay at somebody's house you talk to them..you ask them..you discuss it with them to see the possibilities etc..not just state it as matter of fact and hence make yourself unwelcome! I do feel horrid at my strong reaction but each time i think of it i get angrier because it smacks of selfishness and lack of consideration for others..she is a doctor for God's sake and should be able to weigh matters better than this..

Generally I am in favoure of biological relatives sorting stuff out between themselves and the inlaws having their say but not taking over negotiations. In this case though I'd be tempted to phone her and TELL her there isn't room at your house and that you're looking forward to seeing her but she'll have to stay elsewhere as your flat just has 2 bedrooms and there are 4 of you.
I would be quite firm about this. If she comes to stay you'll hate it and everyone will be miserable.
I don't think her job is relevent. Pregnant docs can be as hormonal and blinkered as nondocs. She has to realise her plan isn't workable and you don't want her staying with you.
I'd probably ask your husband to tell her this but would threaten to tell her yourself if he wimps out.

Just as a heads up-I´m at home all day, hubby at work, so I get to decide who I can cope for & how long-and that includes his patrents!

She and her mother need to find and rent a flat.

I have been in a similar situation when a relative arrived to stay for 2 weeks and was still with us after 4 months. We had a tiny house - 2 up 2 down, I was pregnant with ds2. It was awful. The relative was a single man in his 20's and was the most selfish inconsiderate person I have ever met..

At the end of the day, there´s no room for her.

She can´t just "decide" to stay with you.

She has to be told no.

I'm sorry, but however she is going to take it, you have to have a calm conversation with her asap, or perhaps you could ring your MIL?

Merely to say that while, if you had the space to spare, it would be lovely to have her stay.. You really don't think she would expect your entire family to have to share one bedroom, so that she can come and stay with you.

Someone needs to see sense.. If money is no option, then why would anyone inconvenience an entire family?

Perhaps DH is feeling he can't refuse her, but he surely has to see this doesn't make sense. Perhaps if DH can't confront, you can.

i am going to talk to SIL as soon as she arrives here.my DH will be suggesting she and her mther ( my MIL) rent a flat near her hospital..i forgot to mention we don't live anywhere near her hospital and we don't have car either!
i am trying to be calm about this now and think right..i don't want to cause any friction and i don't want to end up hating her gutts because of how selfish she is..she will friek out when i mention how she will be sleeping..she is used to a very comfortable lifestyle and being crammed into a tight spcae ..sleeping on the floor and having to put up with two young kids all day surely all that should put her off!!!!!

OK, how long will her mother be wanting be with her?
As you certainly can´t have them both!!

Is she the youngest by any chance?

Just thinking a little about the selfish thing.
I think a lot of us want things our own way-does that make us selfish?

Given the chance I can be selfish and have been known to take advantage of people who let me.

So it can sometimes be the way a person is treated.
Let them get their own way enough and they expect it.

Sorry, OT.
So be kind, helpful, tell her you will do what you can etc, etc....

Does she get on with her Mum?

Perhaps she wanted to stay with you so that she´s not on her own & a sitting target for Mum to stay/visit when she wants!!

When does she arrive?
Perhaps you need to tell her before she arrives that she can´t stay?

her mom and dad do not approve of her decision to have her baby abroad anyways but she is an only daughter and the penultimate child..i say she is selfish because for most of her life she has got what she wants without a question and to prove it how about if i tell you that when i first got married( barely a week into matrimony and you could say in our honeymoon period) she decided to take a course near where we lived then and stayed with us for two weeks..can you believe it!!! so as you see she has a history of doing as she pleases and stuff everybody else..
her mother will most probably not stay with us and will probably geta flat..but when is beyond me..this could be when the baby arrives ..of ater..she is into her 8th month now and will be staying in the UK for 2 months ..
so i will be kind yes but taht includes kind to myself..as she has a habit of expecting everybody to serve her and not vice versa..

oh forgot to say she arrives this sunday..her husband leaves the sunday after..so he is only there for the 1st week..and they have a hotel booking at a well known 5 star hotel..so why would she want to move inot our small place after that is beyond me!

How reasonable is her hubby?
If he´s here for a week, then he can help her find accomadation for when he leaves.

I assume it´s not feasable for her to stay in the hotel all of the time or until she gives birth?

Where does her Mum live?

"she is used to a very comfortable lifestyle and being crammed into a tight spcae ..sleeping on the floor and having to put up with two young kids all day surely all that should put her off"

See disillusioned - that is what makes me think she isn't being selfish just thoughtless. She hasn't thought it through. I am sure if you point it out to her she will see your POV. Shame your DH couldn't.

Disillusionedmum, are your DH and SIL Kuwaitis? I think it is more common in Arab countries (as I am sure you will already know!!) for members of one's immediate and extended families to stay with one another than it is with us where the concept of the nuclear family is supreme.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable to make a fuss about your DH doing a bit of ringing around etc but you are NOT being unreasonable about the accommodation because of the space - it wouldn't be feasible.

Surely, there must be rented accommodation nearby she could stay in. Or why don't you let her stay in your flat and you and the DC move into the penthouse suite at the Ritz (on her husband's expense)

when she gets here and sees how small your flat is and how far away from the hospital it is i'm sure she'll make other plans! you might not need to say a word.

make it clear whenever you see her that your kids come first. pay a lot of attention to them. she might realise that staying with you isn't going to be as luxurious as she imagines, with three attendants to carry out her every whim.

Tryharder : yes it is common for Arabs to expect this kid of attitude and maybe because I am more westernized and British by naturalisation as is my Dh and my kids I am more prone to frown upon such things ..i am very independent and even when i was pregnant with both kids i was very self reliant and all..having said that..i don't think her decision to have her baby here is wrong ..i just don't like that she hasn't been more transparent with us and considred what we may have to say etc..
i can't be rude to her as i am not that type but i am known to be honest and farnk so i will say excatly what i said i will..it is for her good as well as my little men wake up VERY early and make a LOT of noise
we will see what she says although her parents did come and visit us last Dec and have a good idea of our accomodation so they must have passed that on to her..